Jezebel |h.s|

Thirty Five

Tears pool in my eyes. He pulls me closer into his side, discreetly sniffling. "I'm okay, Harry. I'm safe." I slip my hand into his, squeezing it softly.

He kisses me again, as if kissing me in some form is his way of assuring himself that I'm here and okay. I brush my thumb against his hand, trying to help soothe him.

"Was he always like this?" He whispers, but he doesn't sound like he wants to know the answer.

It takes me a second to figure out if I even want to answer him. I could use the contract cop out, but I think we're too far in for that to be considered useful. I could lie and tell him something to ease his worries, but we'd both know it's a lie. Chris was too comfortable hitting me and strangling me for it to have been the first time.

So instead of lying or not answering him, I decided it's time to lay it all out there.

"Not in the beginning. I can't remember much of the middle, but once I got sober I noticed it more." He shakes his head, closing his eyes as if my words pain him, but I continue. "Usually when he would do that, he would apologize after and say he was drunk or messed up on whatever drug he could think of first. It was a lie, but I tried to believe him."

"Hurting a woman is the most cowardly thing you could do as a man. Especially to a woman you claim to love." He sounds disgusted and so fucking hurt.

"I don't know if he ever loved me. I think he said he did. Maybe there was a little while that he meant it. He would always say that he was my family. I believed him for what it's worth, but I didn't have anyone else."

"You have me." He whispers. "You have Katerina, you have Rory. You have family, Isabella."

I shrug, "He found me at my lowest. I didn't have a family. My parents were dead, I was basically living out of my car. He made me feel like I had someone again. That I wasn't alone."

"Isabella..." He whispers, his voice full of hurt as I just finally tell him my story. There's no point in keeping it from him anymore.

"My parents died when I was sixteen. I moved in with some distant cousins that lived in the city, but they didn't care if I was home or not. So when they got me a car, I just left whenever I wanted. I hated being in their house and getting those fucking looks of pity. I was a reckless driver, but I just didn't care anymore. Then Chris came into the picture."

I sigh softly when I remember back to when Christian and I met. "I was out late, probably somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. My depression was really bad, but nobody around me noticed enough to get me any help. They just thought I was a moody sixteen year old. The guy I was talking to at the time brought me to a club, snuck me in. And that's the night I met Chris. He bought me a drink, gave me my first cigarette. We got together like every day after that."

"You were sixteen? How old was he?" He asks, shaking his head.

I'm quiet for a second, picking at my nails. "Twenty one. I thought it was cool and he would always sneak me into bars and clubs. He bought my drinks and for a while that was the only time I was happy. Getting fucked up in clubs with him, having sex in dirty bathrooms or in the backseat of my car. My grades plummeted, but everyone just looked the other way because my parents died and they didn't know how to approach me. By senior year I was shooting heroin in Chris' apartment and snorting coke. Taking whatever pills he would put in my mouth. I was so fucking desperate not to feel."

Some tears fall down my cheeks. It's hard reliving this moment in my life. Remembering how low I was. Harry wipes my tears gently, listening as I continue.

"After I graduated, I moved in with him. My cousins kicked me out because they weren't getting checks from the state anymore and I was eighteen. Almost eighteen, at least. I had gotten into college by the skin of my teeth and I tried to get my head in it. I was probably sober for like the first week. Anything after that was just a blur really. And as soon as I turned eighteen, Chris brought up the gentleman's club scene and I needed the money."