my random thoughts , notes , and things i wanna show

22. 07/29/23

i'm venting in this part, si if you don't wanna read a vent/hear ab bullying + friend issues, don't read this chapter.

my previous school i went to for two years. i loved it at first. it's a newly built school and i loved almost wverything about it. the part i hated about it was most of the people. they were really rude, snobby, homophobic, racist, or more.

i am switching schools because of this. i am not happy in that school, nor do i feel safe around those people. i am a bisexual girl, and i sometimes openly talk about it to my friends. but i'm scared someone will overhear and start rumors.

i also felt unsafe because of what people were doing to me. my first year af that school was particularly the worst, and i'm not going into much detail about it. a lot happened with someone that was jn a friendgroup of mine, and long story short, we are not friends anymore. ankther incident that happened was during a time when i was in a particularly vulnerable state because it was around a week or two after my geandfather passed away, and a guy commented about my style and my body. i was extremely insecure at the time and i wore over sized sweatshirts (they're my dads. i didnt go out if my way to buy over sized) and slightly baggier clothing.

this past year wasn't as bad, but something happened that someoen found mine and my mom's number. i'm not going to talk about what happened too much, but the tundown is that they called my mom and made threats towards me.

another thing that happened is two girls, who pretended to be friends of mine, talked bad about me firectly to a friend of mine. that friend told me what happened. those two girlsalways snickered at me or made fun of me.

another time in gym class, we were going theough shifts in a game. my shift had four people, and i was the only girl. i was open on multiple occasions yelling to the guys to pss it to me, and they didn't. they completely ignored me. i expressed how i felt to a couple of mh friends on my team, and two of them were saying that they felt sorry, but the other one said "it's not all about you" so i told her what happened and she said "well that's something you have to talk about with them, not us."

this next story contains four other people than myself, so i'll give you letters for their names.
main person : a
shared friend 1 : m
shared friend 2 : s
shared friend 3 : l
shared friend 4 : k

so a has been making me feel quite bad about myself lately. she makes me feel bad for having a crush on a guy. she's a lesbian, so i knkw she doesn't have any attraction towards guys but every time i told her i had a crush on someone, her response was always "ewww.". and when i started getting into hockey, i realized that it honestly saved me mentally. i became a better and happier version on myself. and everytime i talked about hockey with her and m. see, m and i both love hockey. so as far as i knew, she would talk to me about hockeg until she wanted to stop, which she would say if she did. a always said it was stupid and annoying when i talked about hockey. she made fun of me for finding the players attractive as well. also, on field day, at one point i was talking to s. s and i were having a normal conversation, we werent talking about people we liked or anything along the lines of that. when i saw a and l near us, and said "a! l! clme over here!" and a reaponded with "no! we don't wanna bear yoh talk about boys." after that, time skip about 5 days, it was our last day of school. l and i were hanging out at my place after school, and her mom picked us up. so basically, a had no involvement. when we got to my house, at one point i brought up how a was making me feel. i said "did yoh notice that a was actjng the same way she did at the end of last school year?" (because she made me and l feel shitty near the end of out first school year there). and l agreed. one other part is that l, a, and i have a shared friend; k. so we went to glow night at skyzone the previous night. i was busy the next night, so i couldn't hangout with them. but l, a, and k were hanging out at k's house. k has a little sister, and their little sister was trying to hangout with the group. a was oushing k's sister awag and not letting them hangout. it came to a point that night when they were making tiktoks, and k expressed they were uncomfortable with a video l and a posted. l took that video down but a ignored how k felt. a refused to take the video down. and one last thing was, at the time k had specific pronouns. a was not in anyway calling them by the correct pronouns, and k was extremely uncomfortable and upset.

due to the fact that a is going to my old school, and will most likely never go to my school is going to make it easy for me to slowly start distancing myself away from her.

i hope that works, and i also wish that she has a good life but i will not be letting her attitude affect me any longer.