looking through the rearview mirror

9.

Not many people write their names down in the leather book, most of them opting to send an email or wait until the potential future scholarship recipient has actually been conceived. Michael writes his name and phone number down anyway, noting that Rebecca, Vince, and James have already done so. He throws the pen down on the table with a clatter.

"So, where do I sign?" Chase says behind him.

Michael closes the book and says, "You don't." He begins to walk away, Chase's chuckle dying in his throat when he realises Michael is serious, taking long strides to catch up with him.

"Dude, this is literally the only thing you've talked about all day," he says. Michael halts and turns to face him, staring at him with cold fury.

"Yeah, and you've made it crystal clear how you feel about everything associated with PCA; that this," he says, gesturing broadly around them, "is all in the past for you. And I guess I am too." Chase almost smiles in disbelief.

"Mike, where is this coming from?" he asks. "You were the most excited of all of us to come here."

"Yeah, I was," agrees Michael hotly. "God knows why when I've barely seen any of you. Zoey chasing you, Logan obsessing over Quinn, Lola flouncing around everywhere, you hiding under a table. I should have just stayed home."

"Ok. Um, I can see how that must have sucked and I'm sorry," Chase offers, rubbing the back of his neck. "But you say it like you don't come over literally every other week with Jodie, or we don't all have brunch together at least once a month. I'm your kid's godfather and you're mine's. What are you talking about?"

Michael sighs, some of the anger leaving him. He pulls an empty chair towards him and slumps into it, a weariness overcoming him. "A lot has happened in the past few years for both of us, right?"

"To put it mildly," Chase agrees, leaning against the table, his fingers tapping on it soundlessly.

"It was simple here at PCA, you know? Simpler, at least. Honestly, I've missed it. And I've missed you," Michael admits, Chase giving him a confused frown in return but letting him continue. "We've seen each other but it hasn't been the same. It probably never will be again," he says softly, running a hand through his hair. "Look man, I get this isn't your favourite place. I get you think we all should have moved on - but you still have Zoey, Logan still has Quinn. It worked out for you. I don't have my lil' Lisa anymore. Yeah, we're fine when it comes to Jodie but she still chose to go to Florida with her new boyfriend rather than come to her own high school reunion. I don't even really know if I wanted her to," he adds quietly, looking at the floor. Chase pulls out another chair and sits across from Michael, a silent commiseration and condolence.

"I've been thinking about here a lot lately and, despite how stuff ended - despite how maybe the rest of it will go - I love it here," says Michael, his face lighting up. "I still love what it was like to go here: the smell of the ocean right on our doorstep, the sun beating down on us. Sneaking around, staying up late, all our wacky hijinks; the freedom of it all. There are so, so many good memories. How could there not be? Here's where I met my lifelong - well, I thought - best friend and the mother of my child. If Jodie gets even a fraction of that from her school I'll be thrilled. I just wanted to give her that same opportunity, and I figured that maybe if our kids went to the school, well, we'd have to keep speaking to each other, at least for a little while."

The words hang in the air for a moment.

"Mike, I don't think you've thought this through," says Chase, seriously but not unkindly. Michael frowns but nods, beginning to say that he understands. Chase continues, "If our kids go to PCA then we're really only guaranteed to see each other a couple of times a year when we're dropping them off and picking them up." Michael grimaces and looks away, missing a flash of another emotion across Chase's face. "But if they go to a local school - well, then we'd have to spend time together taking them to sports practise in the afternoons and to the games on weekends," he sighs, appearing nonchalant but still trying to catch Michael's eye, "and Lola will probably force both Jodie and Maddie to audition for a play so then we'll have to take them to rehearsals too. Plus I suspect ice cream after the performance is non-negotiable."

Michael glances at him, a grin slowly starting to reappear on his face.

"And I was thinking on weekends we could go out for bike rides," Chase continues. "I hate to say it but I think Maddie might have inherited my fine motor control and it might be good to have an older kid like Jodie give her some pointers, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I see what you're saying," Michael says cautiously. Chase laughs and shoves him in the shoulder, dropping the act.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, man," he says. "Did you honestly think I haven't thought about what raising our kids together looks like? When Zoey went back to work and I was still working from home with Maddie, scared out of my mind, you were a lifesaver. I thought you knew that."

"It never hurts to hear it again," prompts Michael.

"You're an idiot," says Chase, shaking his head. "And you're also my best friend, my lifelong best friend, and a great dad. You're not being left behind by anyone, ok?"

"Ok," Michael smiles. "We're cool then."

"We better be," Chase warns, standing up and pointing a thumb to the leather book on the table, "and to prove it I'm going to write my name down - just as a backup." Michael stands up too, nodding with a grin.

"Sounds good. Just one more thing," he says.

Chase is just barely able to get out a "what?" when Michael tackles him with a bear hug, both of them laughing and slapping each other on the back as they fight to remain balanced.