Alluring - JJ Maybank Fanfic

Poguelandia: Week Two

I hold my breath the entire time his body falls through the air, as soon as his head pops out of the water I breathe out in relief, ignoring Kie's not-so-subtle glances and everyone's excitement so I can settle my heartrate. Did Kie dare him to do this just to get a rise out of me? Or to make me panic so I'd pass out? Maybe she wants time alone with him? 

You're being insecure and crazy, shut up. 

"Breathe, Willow, don't stress yourself out."

I look down to see Emmy grabbing the blanket and bringing it to her mouth, "No Emmy, don't eat that." I fold the blanket over so I can see her better, "Your daddy is wild." JJ runs up and gently kisses my lips, "Babe, don't get her wet."

His wide grin brings a smile to my face, "Sorry, but did you see that? That was awesome!" He kisses me again before running off to tackle John B, all the boys start wrestling in the water so us girls sit down in the sand to watch. 

Cleo looks over at me once she's settled into her spot, "I've noticed something about you, Mama." 

"And what is that?" I tilt my head to the side, curious about what she has to say.

"You're happier," She smiles at me, "you still have moments that are tough, but this week hasn't been quite as bad as last week." 

Kie chuckles, "Last week was a shitshow, I think you passed out like 50 times."

"I'm trying to control my thoughts and not stress so much." I ignore Kie's comment, "I guess I'm starting to realize that Rafe probably won't be able to find me here, at least I'm being hopeful that he can't. And I try not to let myself look at the water too long so I don't mistake things for boats."

Cleo nods, "You're doing a good job, Mama."

"It's good you're chilling out," Kie leans back on her hands, her eyes set on the boys though I have a feeling her focus is on my fiancé, "JJ needs a break from the crazy." 

Sarah and Cleo both look at me with concerned expressions while I stare at Kie, confusion is all I feel right now. I don't understand why she has been picking on me all summer. Ever since the night at the Wreck when I showed up drunk with Sarah, Topper and Rafe, she's been different towards me. It really fucking sucks because she used to be one of the only people I could go to for anything and know I wouldn't be judged.

Now I feel like that's all she does; judge me, hate on me, make a fool out of me. 

Nothing I do is good enough, everything I do is a problem. Her constant digs that I'm controlling JJ because he has to follow me around and take care of me, it hurts, she's supposed to be my friend but now it's starting to feel like she's JJs friend that doesn't like me. That sounds pathetic, because maybe I'm reading into this wrong, maybe I did something and she's just mad at me, she's never liked JJ more than a friend, so I'm just being desperate. 

Not everyone wants JJ, I try to remind myself, but I don't believe myself. 

God, I'm starting to annoy myself with this repetitive loop of thoughts, its the same worries nagging at my insecurities and fears. I'm driving myself insane thinking the same things over and over again. I need to stop, I need a break from it all, I'm so tired of it. 

"Willow..." 

My skin starts to feel hot under the sun so I quietly get up with Emmy and head towards the cave, stumbling a little from being so weak, JJ comes up behind me and grabs my waist, guiding me to the circle of logs, "Lets get you hydrated." 

"I could go for a fresh drink right about now." I gratefully take the coconut from him and drink down the contents, watching him lay Emmy down on banana leaves to roll around and play with unopened coconuts.