This Is A Book I'm Writing For Myself

a trip to the store goes right pt.1

What is said will be in bold while everything else is italicized
(⚠️ warning: body image issues⚠️)

Your pov:
I was holding my boyfriend's hand as we walked through a local home improvement/hardware store, then all of a sudden he grabs a bunch of stuff and doesn't let me see what he grabs. He checks out and on the drive home his hand slowly starts to move up my leg till it's no longer visible under my skirt. He loves to tease and see my reaction to his advances.

We get home and he says "go on inside honey, I have to go put away what we just bought."

I respond with "are you sure Hun? I can help you if you want me to."

he turns to me and says"thanks for the offer love, but I got this. By the way, I got you something. It's in the bathroom."

"Okay Hun. Call me if you need anything okay?" I ask, genuinely worried about him. "Okay lovie" I walk upstairs to our room and I go into the bathroom. in a bag on the counter is a pair of  yellow stockings, a yellow lace bra and matching yellow lace thong. 

"Oh! I wasn't expecting this" I say surprised that my boyfriend would even buy something like this for me, let alone find me attractive enough to want to see me in this. All of a sudden my phone dings. I check it and it's a text from my boyfriend telling me to try on what he got me.

"If you want me to I'll try it on." Many thoughts are swirling through my head, mostly thoughts criticizing every little detail about me while I try it on. I am so in my own head I don't even notice my partner open the door and come up behind me.

"Hey honey, you alright?" He asked me while resting his hands on my waist "I'm alright love. Just thinking" I say not wanting to worry them.

"Are you sure? You were staring at the mirror so much it looked like you wanted to cry. If something is up please tell me." He said looking at my face to check for any reaction at all.

"I'm fine Hun. " I say looking at him and he doesn't look convinced. "And why should I believe that, hm?"  He asked me in a teasing way.

"Stop lying to me about you being fine. I know you aren't fine. You are criticizing your perfect body again aren't you? Just because you are plus size doesn't mean that you aren't perfect in every way. You need to stop telling yourself that you are ugly, that you are fat, and that you aren't worthy of me. I don't know what I would do without you my perfect angel. You are perfect and I will worship you until I die." He says wanting nothing more than for me to love myself.

"What perfect body? I'm no where near perfect. I don't understand why you even love me. I'm not pretty, I'm no where near the beauty standards. Why do you even want to be within six feet of me?" At this point I'm trying not to cry.

"Where did you learn to hate yourself? Who did this to you my love?" He asked concerned about me. I start to break down after he asked me that.

"Shhhh. It's alright Hun. You are okay. You are safe. You are loved. Do you want to go cuddle in bed? Will that help?"  He asks me while trying to help me calm down. I can't respond due to my crying so I nod my head yes.