What We Do etc: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth

The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth... Part III...

...

Laszlo, wearing Holmesian deerstalker cap, in attic... "Well, and the Hunt begins. Tis' logical to begin at the beginning, so I have determined to commence my quest for Dolly in our attic."

Cut to shot of Nadja demonic essence in Doll, gagged and tied in wooden box inside another metal box inside cardboard crate...Muffled struggle against bonds.

"Yes, I have a distinct sense about my prey. And my distinct sense, based on both my intellect and my...Dark Power...Tells me..." Laszlo pronounces.

"Laszlo, my darling..." Nadja, munching on something in her hand which she quickly shoves in mouth...

"Mummphf...Heard you....Cuse me..." swallows. "Human flesh covered in blood, of course, delicious..."

(Aside to camera..."Last bit of Burger!...OMIGOD! Was that good!")

"Heard you poking around up here, my dearest." Warm beam. "What were you looking for?"

"Ah, well...My dear. I suppose I must 'fess' up." Laszlo shrugs. "I was seeking your Doll with human soul. To ease your clearly depressed heart. But, my keen sense of prey and observation tell me...It's nowhere near here."

Muffled rage from trapped, restrained Doll in boxes...

"Oh, so sweet you are, my dearest one." Nadja, beaming. Hurrying to him, hugging. "But you are so right, I'd already looked up here without any success whatsoever. Come, my darling and lets go have sex all night and never retire to our coffins."

"Hmmn...Sounds good to me." Laszlo notes.

Nadja, glance to camera, nodding...

...

Nandor, in his crypt, pacing...

"I sense there are secrets in this house. Disturbing, even terrifying secrets...Of course, it may just be I'm light-headed after my trip into outer space and my fiery, near-death return. But I sense a great disturbance in the House Force." Solemnly arch look...

"I have Guillermo to thank for that one. He rented 'Star Wars' for me last week." Smile.

"But there are things going on...And as both House Master and Co-Head of the Vampiric Council..."

"Say, 'Co-Head'?" The Guide suddenly materializes before him, causing him to scream.

"Hey, sorry...I suppose I shouldn't do that. But it's not as if you could have a coronary. You know you scream like a little girl." Grins.

"That was a warrior's cry in response to challenge. What do you want?" he frowns.

"Back pay. I haven't been paid for months since you all disappeared on your travels last year."

"We pay you?" he stares.

"Yes...Of course. I am a modern vampiral female and I have a contract." She nods. "I've been patient and I don't think anyone can claim otherwise. You guys can testify to that, right?" eyes camera.

"A contract, you say? I've never seen it."

"It's at the Council, written on the stretched skin of Thaddeus the Malingerer, a vampire who spent two hundred years at the Council claiming he couldn't get up because of some dead blood he drank. He was lying, of course. He just wanted a free place to live. So his punishment was to be stretched and have several layers of top skin cut off for parchment. Also we needed something to write on. Sadly, Thad did not survive the sentence."

"The cutting killed him?"

"No, he really did drink dead blood...It just didn't keep him on the floor as he claimed. But it got to him during the sentence, poor fellow."

"Well...I will have to see it, this contract. With my Co-Head of the Vampiric Council, Nadja Cravensworth."

"Sure, fine...Shall I get her?" cocking head in black wimpole.

"It would be best to wait till our duties at the Council resume on Thursday. By the way, how much did they pay you...?"

"Well...2000 shekels per month, or two virgins and two goats and two sheeps' fur, per week. I'm good either way, though I do want a raise!" firm insistence at the last.

"A raise? We haven't even established we must pay you...." Frown.

"So, it's to be that, eh?" she eyes him narrowly. "The Vamp Man oppressing the little person, a Woman, in this case. Talk about a cliché."

"Oh, talk to Nadja about this." He insists. "But you best do it on Thursday, she's to have passionate wooop-di-do with Laszlo tonight."

...

Cut to Laszlo, vampiral on couch..."Well, we do almost every night when she's not trying to kill me. And then too, sometimes."

...

"Oh?" The Guide considers. "Well, that was part of my raise. I want in on the passionate whoop-di-do. Once a week at least."

"I see no problem there if it's with Laszlo and Nadja." Nandor nods.

....

Guillermo, walking the streets...

"Well, here I am, still not quite a vampire, nor a human being. I still can go out in daylight, I still eat human foods, though I do like my burgers rare now. Laszlo claims he's working on my condition but I kinda think now he's just enjoying stealing my sweat to walk in the daylight. Still, at least he hasn't blabbed my situation to Master Nandor. I'm not anxious to have my Master kill me...Or, maybe..." Arch look... "Me kill him. I am descended from a famed vampire hunter's line. And I have some vampiral strength...Well, not much." Sigh.

"I just want this part to be over and to get on with my life. Well, vampiral of course." He replies to question. "It's been my goal. I hired Derek to do this. I embrace the vampiral lifestyle and long to kill, kill, kill. I guess." He looks over to where a young couple with baby is walking.

"See, I just can't wait to be compelled to go over and tear those nice folks' throats open, including that cute little...Oh, God." Sigh. "What have I done?"

"Yes, what have you done, Giz?" Ghost of Laszlo appears.

...