A River of Tears

Help is on its Way

Chapter 2 ~ Help is on its Way

River's POV

I stood up from my usual area in the library and took the longer path to the dining room. I wanted time to process my thoughts and the Doctor's latest pleas. He wanted me to go to a psychologist. I wondered what could have brought on such an interesting request. The Doctor hardly ever wanted me to do anything that serious. What was up with him? Why did he think I needed help? So many questions swirled in my mind, and I didn't have the answers.

My thoughts lined up with my feet as I made my way to see my husband. Although I probably wouldn't agree with his ideas and wants, I had to at least give him a chance. The Doctor only wanted what was best for me. Well, that's what I hoped, anyway. He never just did anything for a nonsense reason, not when it came to helping people and giving advice.

The Doctor and I trusted each other. Maybe not always at the same points in our time streams, but we shared a connection like no other. I never doubted the amount of trust I placed in the Doctor. He was always there, and I knew he always would be. I also trusted his reasons for advising me to go to a psychologist.

I approached the hallway that led to the elegant dining room. 'Okay, I'll do it', I mentally told myself. The Doctor would only press harder the longer I put it off. Suddenly, a smirk played on my lips. Of course, I could always lie and pretend to visit, although the Doctor would be bound to find out sooner or later.

I walked through the opening in the wall and found my husband. He happened to be amusing himself at the table by folding and unfolding the napkins. I couldn't help but snort in laughter. The Doctor spun around, mid-napkin folding mode activated. "River, I didn't know you were still here. I thought you returned to Stormcage."

"Spoilers," I told him, although going to the library really wasn't a secret. At the Doctor's raised eyebrows, I explained, "I enjoy saying that. I went to the library for a bit of peace and quiet." He nodded in affirmation. "Wait, are you telling me that I'm not quiet?" The Doctor asked as an afterthought. I rolled my eyes.

We sat down to a wonderfully-smelling meal prepared by Old Girl. Timelords don't really need food to survive, although it's nice to indulge every once and a while. There was silence for a small amount of time before the Doctor broke it. "River?"

"Yes?" I prompted, my gaze fixed on the Doctor, who was scratching his head. "I was wondering if you thought about what I said." He murmured quietly, almost as if he didn't want me to hear. To comfort and give him courage, I slid my hand over the Doctor's. "I did, and I made a decision."

His eyes snapped forward in surprise, and his eyebrows moved playfully. The Doctor was obviously dying to know my reply. To add to the suspense, I paused for several seconds. Finally, I cleared my throat. "I'll go to a psychologist on one condition." I told the Doctor sternly, to which he replied, "Anything!" I smirked. "Our next adventure is my pick, every single bit of it. And that includes what you wear."

The Doctor seemed a little disappointed after my last statement, although I could tell he was proud in persuading me. "Thank you, River." He said sincerely. I nodded, then enjoyed our meal. It was delicious, and I told the Doctor so. He agreed by complimenting the TARDIS on her superior cooking skills. This made me chuckle. The Doctor couldn't understand why, which caused me to laugh even harder. That man.

As I ate, I thought about several things. My childhood memories had bounded forward at the first mention of a psychologist. Was that why I needed help? Did my beginning years with Kovarian mess up the rest of my life? It seemed like it. Maybe it's time I needed help, anyways.

Images played in my mind, similar to a projector. I remembered the earliest memories most humans can't remember, thanks to my Timelord genetics. I thought back to the time when Kovarian stole me from Mum and ran tests on me. Even though I'm not a mother, I am a full-grown woman who cannot fathom someone who could do that to a child. It's simply incomprehensible, yet it happened to me. I mentally shook my head.

Then my mind journeyed to more recent times. My least favorite scene appeared, the one where I killed the Doctor. The event had caused me such much grief and regret. I felt unworthy of his love; how could I not? I had killed the Doctor, twice actually. Although he has forgiven me an infinite amount of times, I find it hard to forgive myself.

None of these past recollections had simply disappeared over time. My mind still contained those memories of my training to be a psychopath. I frowned sadly. It definitely made sense for the Doctor to nudge me to visit a psychologist. "You okay?" The Doctor wondered quietly. I gave him a quick affirmation before starting up a new conversation.

Our plates became empty not long after, so the Doctor arranged a talk with the psychologist. I anticipated this for many days while resting in my cell at Stormcage. When the day finally arrived, I took a deep breath. A steady pace into the main office, then a quick stroll down a side hallway. Fleeting thoughts of turning back before it was too late. I stared at the bronze plaque on the door and mentally said, "Here goes nothing."