Javier's Chico

13.

"I-I guess so...But neither of you are goin' anywhere."

"It's hard to believe that after everything my boy has seen. He was the sweetest boy ever. He was an angel, my mother used to sing to him, my sister made clothes for him..I miss them."

A looming silence fell over the two men, yet it was oddly comforting. It was warm and comfortable inside the tent, only filled with the sound of Mateo's gentle breaths while he was still cradled in Javier's embrace. John nudged his arm to get his attention again, "You can tell me anythin' you need to get off your chest.."

"I would die for him. If it means he gets to live safely with someone else-"

"Javi...Don't talk like that. It is never going to come to that."

Mateo's grip finally loosened, and the boy went floppy in Javier's arms. John covered him up with his coat to keep him warm, since most of the blankets and bedrolls were still on the wagons. He was really starting to kill Javier's arm so he was so thankful when the boy finally drifted off.

~~~

The chatting in camp continued long after Javier fell asleep too, embracing his sweet boy in his arms. John didn't sleep very much these days, and he was interested in what was going on outside the tent, and not to mention he was still in considerable amounts of pain in his leg. He listened closely to what was going on, Dutch was rambling about something, Colm O'Driscoll, the gang...and Mateo.

"I never said anything like that." Dutch said, clearly getting angry but trying to keep his voice down. It was well into the night by now and everyone had gone to bed except Dutch and Hosea. They argued frequently about small things but what the hell were they doing arguing about the boy?

"You said it. You said Javier is a fool."

"I said Javier is a fool if he thinks any of us are responsible for what happens to the kid. Maybe if he thinks that, he shouldn't be here."

"Where's he gonna go with a kid? You brought him in, Dutch. You fed him and clothed him."

"Well maybe I made a mistake." His tone was firm, and John's hands balled into fists as he listened in. "Besides, it don't matter who takes responsibility. The way he ran out guns blazin' during all of that, he clearly don't give two shits what happens to him."

John had to say something. He knew Dutch said things and regretted them, it was a heat of the moment thing and he never truly meant most of the things that came out of his mouth, but that was too far for the 'heat of the moment' excuse.

"He's irresponsible and a fool." He felt the anger boil his blood. Sure, Dutch got on his nerves sometimes, but this was something else. He sat there all high and mighty because he ran the gang but he talked so cruelly of everyone in the gang, even a damn kid.

"I think you better shut your God damn mouth." The words came out of John's mouth like a bullet from a gun. He regretted them instantly when Dutch's cold gaze landed on him.

Then Dutch just laughed at him, only fuelling John's anger more. "Javier doesn't belong here if he's gonna drop his responsibilities on us too. If that kid got shot, that ain't my fault. He knew what he was gettin' into coming into this gang."

"He knew what he was gettin' into when he didn't speak any English? Grow up Dutch. He's here because he trusts us. No one is asking you to take responsibility but if you're stirrin' up more shit for us, then you would be to blame if Mateo got hurt. And I'm sorry, but I ain't watching Javier put his son in the ground because of you."

Dutch didn't say anything else, he just got up and went to his tent. Hosea would've spoken but Dutch was clearly in a bad mood and speaking to John would set off his already short fuse again.

Those guys were fathers to him. He loved them both but sometimes, Hosea was the only reasonable one. Dutch talked out of his ass sometimes and it made John unbelievably angry. How dare he say that shit about Javier and a God damn toddler? He would've expected it from Bill, not Dutch.

John cooled down after a while, joining Javier and Mateo again, they were both so peaceful when they slept. He always felt a resentment to kids; he didn't like them at all, and he swore he would never want one. He felt so protective over Mateo that now, he was starting to question why he ever hated such sweet little things. Mateo was helpless on his own, something about having such an innocent life be completely dependant on him and Javier sparked the urge, the feeling, that John had to protect him too. The way Javier slept with one hand over his son, it really showed how protective he was over the kid.

He felt his heart swelling when Mateo realised John was laying back down too and shuffled in closer to him. He held Javier's hand as he slept, but curled his body against John's. Dutch was so wrong about Javier and Mateo. John had the urge that he had to protect both of them, but seeing what Javier could do with a gun, he knew Javier could protect himself pretty damn well.