City of Angels and Darkness - A Mortal Instruments Fan-Fiction

Chapter 14

-The Faerie -

Mark's head was a mess. He did not know what he was feeling anymore, everything felt numb somehow. It was as if someone had shown him a place of total happiness and utter satisfaction, just to take it away from him again.

He had retuned to the other hunters alone, avoiding talking to anyone. Now he was sitting at the fire, watching the flames dancing in front of him. Kieran had not talked to him since they had separated in the woods and Mark was thankful for that, for it gave him time to think. Kissing a boy was nothing he could not imagine. To him it was no big deal. Fairies were known to be attracted to men and women and his own sister Helen had a girlfriend.

And yet he knew that in the world of Shadowhunters it was not that easy. He knew about Alexander Lightwood, whose father had almost broken with his son because he fell in love with another man, and he knew that his own father had not been too happy about Helen's relationship with Aline Penhallow. But Mark also knew that Andrew Blackthorn would have accepted his son's decision, just as he had accepted Helen's. But Andrew was dead. Again, the thought made something deep inside Mark turn cold with pain and desperation. Again, he felt more alone than ever.

Mark tried to swallow down the tears that were making their way. He did not want to cry; he did not want the others to see his weakness, but he also did not want to be alone anymore. He did not want to mistrust everyone around him any longer; he did not want to feel like an outcast anymore.

Mark held his breath for some seconds until he dared to release a soft sigh.

The problem was, he did not know what he actually wanted. All day long he had been trying to sort his thoughts, but there was only one thing he knew - he had to talk to Kieran. Whatever had happened or whatever was going to happen - Mark did not want to loose the only friend he had in the Faerie.

Slowly he rose to his feet and walked towards the trees, where Kieran was sitting by a smaller fire. He was focused on graving new arrows and did not look up when Mark stopped beside him.

Mark cleared his throat and asked carefully, "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Kieran answered without looking up. "Have you made up your mind, Shadowhunter?"

Mark flinched at the sound of the words. "I - I don't know. I just wanted you to know that -"

He paused and finally Kieran looked up to him. The flames of the fire made his silver eye sparkle. His gaze rested on Mark's face and Mark tried to read it. But if Kieran was angry or disappointed, he did not show it.

"What is it that you want to tell me, Mark? That kissing me was a mistake? That it is never going to happen again? Fine, then just do it and leave me to do my work."

Mark bit his lower lip. Actually, that was exactly what he had wanted to tell Kieran, but now he was not so sure about that anymore. He examined Kieran's face, the sharp line of his cheekbones, his full lips that had kissed him just a couple of hours ago.

Mark swallowed. Even thinking about the kiss made him shiver again. He lifted his hand and rubbed his forehead. "You're right. I wanted to tell you exactly what you just said. But -"

He fell silent and Kieran dropped the wood and the knife he had been holding. "But what?"

His voice did not sound cold anymore, but hopeful. "Why are you here, Shadowhunter?"

"Stop calling me that!" Mark looked at him. "I am not a Shadowhunter any longer."

"Then stop acting as if you still were," Kieran yelled at him. He stood up and moved a step towards Mark. "You tell me that you are no Shadowhunter, but yet you try to hold on to your old life so desperately that it almost makes me sick!"