Ella and Lottie

Epilogue

A week later

Jacob

It took the whole summer but I was here at her door ready to get my penance ready to make it better no matter the cost. Bertie smiled at me and squeezed my hand. He leaned in and kissed me. I was still so unbelievable that Bertie was my boyfriend. We had spent the whole summer together and I had loved every minute.

"Are you ready?" Bertie gestured at the door and I sighed and put my finger on the doorbell.

"As I'll ever be." I heard the deafening doorbell ring out throughout the Weber house. A small woman with Ella's eyes answered the door, presumably Mrs Weber.

"Hello, young man, should I assume you are here for Ella? Unless you are here to sell me something in which case I am not interested." Her short clipped tone was one of impatience.

"Jacob, pleased to make your acquaintance Mrs Weber and yes I would like to talk to Ella." I shook her hand formally, already tensed for a telling off from the slightly terrifying small woman.

"Dear, Jacob is here to see you!" Mrs Weber called over her shoulder. When there was no immediate reply she continued. "She must not have heard me, her room is third to the right straight up the stairs."

I glanced behind me as the door swung shut but Bertie was gone. I got the message, this was my mess. I slowly walked up the creaking stairs. I counted three doors to the right and knocked.

"Come in, mum." Ella called out. I opened the door and stood awkwardly in the doorway. Before she saw me she continued talking to her mother. "Sorry about the door, the wind blew it shut... you're not my mum." She finally laid eyes on me and backed away.

"Uhh no, I believe not. Before you get scared I come in peace. I have changed, permanently this time. I have come to apologise but not to ask your forgiveness which I will never deserve and would never believe that we could be friends. I am apologising because I truly feel sorry not for external reasons." I held my hands up in forfeit. A sign of peace. Lottie stood at her side holding her hand as she suppressed the urge to attack me.

"Close the door and sit." I obeyed and sat cross legged on the floor like a preschooler. "You may begin." Her and Lottie sat on her bed glaring daggers at me. Since I anticipated physical abuse which would be no worse than I deserve I was pleasantly surprised by the girls' restraint.

"I have been regretting what I did since the second I started doing it but I was just so angry, not because you rejected me, not for anything you did. I was angry at myself so I played a part and once I fell into the role, I was cruel. I was the villain and I wanted everyone to hurt as bad as I did by not being my true self. So I know I am not a good person. Because no matter what remorse I feel I could still do those things and they were no one's fault but my own. I know all this and I know you hate me but I can guarantee you it is but a portion of the amount I hate myself." - and I looked at my lap, my voice cracking as I spilled my soul to the girl I tormented for a year - "The worst thing is I've been happy this summer. I started dating Bertie I we hung out the whole time but there was this voice in the back of my head that said 'You don't deserve happiness, you are cruel and horrible, you trick people into believe you are human and trick them into liking you but you don't deserve them and they deserve better than you...' I'm so sorry Ella. I was jealous of you and I destroyed you the way I thought I should be destroyed. Don't pity me, I'm a monster." I sobbed and Ella's eyes softened and she walked over and sat beside me but she didn't hug me, somehow she knew that would make me feel worse. We had this connection, we both knew what it was like to hate ourselves, we both knew that words meant nothing and pity meant nothing against the beast that ate us up from the inside.

Ella

Lottie minded her own business as I internally forgave Jacob for his, well everything. He had already done his penance there was nothing else I could do to him. I had felt as he did, he caused it in part perhaps but we had both become our own worst enemy. I let him cry. I wouldn't stifle his tears, they needed to fall. It would lift part of the weight that he bore the burden of. Instead I talked to him as he did to me.

"I don't hate you, Jacob and I do forgive you and we can be friends. You seem to hate yourself enough for us both. I know about that voice, that buzzkill that won't let you be happy. I have felt that a bit this week, I know it will never leave me. You just turn down the volume on it and it will come less often. Me and Lottie are dating now. I'm happy for you and Bertie by the way, he seems nice and he will help you with that voice. Like Lottie helps me."- I smiled at her - "But if you ever don't want to talk to Bertie about it. We can talk to each other okay because this isn't a club we want them to join. We understand each other and we need to be friends for that reason. So if you ever want advice on coming out or to go on a double date I'm here okay?"

"You would think by the way we both got our boyfriends and girlfriends that we would be happy and content forever." I smiled.

"Happy ever after doesn't exist." Jacob said into his hands.

"Truer words were never spoken." I laughed. "But that's all the more reason to be happy in the here and now."