how you get the girl- Paige Bueckers

23- too late

Brunch continued normally. Jay and I didn't talk, mostly being involved in conversations with others but his arm stayed around my chair. My eyes felt like they kept finding Paige. With her sitting right in front of me it just felt like an opportunity to stare at her, look over her features for the thousandth time. Jay watching me watch Paige. I tried not to make my staring obvious but even when her head was turned my eyes were on her. Looking over her jaw line and how her bun hung low on the bottom of her skull.

Paige and I locked eyes a few times, making me forget about everyone else in the room, even the boy next to me. When I looked into her blue eyes I forgot every tear that fell because of her, just remembering the times she would look at me and ease all my worries. I wanted to reach over the table and grab her hand but I kept my hand glued to my glass, hoping to pry my eyes away from her. That was until she started talking, telling stories for the whole table to hear and I couldn't help myself. I rested my elbows on the table and my chin on my knuckles as I watched her speak. When she laughed my heart melted and I sank further into my seat, gazing at her in complete awe. I could see Jay out of my peripheral vision looking at me with a confused expression but I couldn't take my eyes off her, especially to look at him.

"So Jules, who's your favorite on each team?" Ice asked, smirking at me. I finally tore my eyes off the blonde to look around, seeing all eyes on me. I wasn't even engaged in the conversation to understand how it got turned on me but I cleared my throat, taking my elbows off the table.

"You know I don't have favorites" I laughed awkwardly. It wasn't a complete lie. I loved them all for different reasons. Dorka and Lou were like older sisters. They brought leadership roles to everything they did and made me feel like family. Ice and Amari were my girls. We loved to gossip and dance around like idiots. I felt like myself around them because there was never any fear of judgment. Azzi and Nika were probably my best friends on the team. I loved to be around them for many reasons. Aaliyah, Caroline and Jana were the more chill ones on the team. You could talk to them about everything and they would never freak out. Ines was like my baby sister. I felt protective over her and just wanted to squeeze her. Aubrey and Ayanna were the hype girls, even if I was wearing a paper bag they would still make me feel like a million bucks. And then there was Paige, who I was just in love with.

The guys team I barely knew, a few conversations here and there but that's it. Everyone protested my answer, demanding to know who I favored on each team. I glanced over the table, deciding who my safest options would be. Jay looked at me with a confident smile on his face and I knew that I couldn't pick him, even if he was my favorite I wasn't about to boost his ego.

"Ok fine, it's probably Nika and Donovan." Jay's mouth dropped open at my answer. Donovan jumped up, coming over and pushing Jay out of the way to engulf me in a bear hug. Me and him had talked a few times, mostly about his life being 7'2 but he was nice. The girls all looked at me shocked at Nika being my favorite but Nika just wiggled her tongue at them. Paige had a subtle smirk on her face, obviously sensing the lies in my statement. She knew she was my favorite, even after everything she would always be my favorite.

"Ok now be honest this time." Jay said, pushing Donovan away and back to his seat.

"Saved by the bell Jules, we need to get going." Dan, the coach of the men's team, said, making them groan and the girls laugh.

"J, can we talk?" Jay said, standing up and motioning me over. I got up following him. We walked outside behind the men's team before we stopped and walked away privately.

"Jay come on we gotta go." Someone screamed at him, he whipped his head to look at his team.

"Give me a sec." He turned back to me. Something in his eyes felt different. He was standing much further than he usually would. Was he actually this hurt about the beach?

"Look I'm just gonna be honest and say it. You're in love with Paige. I can see it in your eyes and I don't think you ever got over it. I confused you with my feelings and I'm sorry for not realizing how stupid I looked watching you be completely in love with someone else. "

My heart dropped. It was obvious that I was still in love with Paige. I didn't want to be because she hurt me but I couldn't help it. Everything I felt for her was consuming me, almost eating me alive because I hated hiding that I wanted her. I hated having to try and navigate my feelings and Jay's at the same time. He was letting me go.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. He knew how much this meant for me. He knew how guilty I felt for not loving him the same way.

"I love you Jules but I love you enough to let you go." He pulled away, starting to walk back over to his teammates.

"Thank you Jay." My tone was completely honest. I loved Jay but not in that way. I didn't want to hurt him anymore but I knew at some point I would. I could never pick him over Paige.

"Don't thank me, go get your girl." And with that he turned around and walked away. I felt a weird emotion watching him walk away. When I saw Paige walk away it took every muscle in my body not to run after her, to beg her that she was making a mistake but watching Jay walk away I felt at peace. I knew this way he wouldn't hurt anymore. He would find a girl that was capable of loving him because I wasn't, I loved Paige.

I rushed back inside, hoping to find Paige and talk to her. She had come to my apartment for a reason, maybe she felt the same way I did. Maybe she finally realized that we were meant to be together.

I looked around, less people were inside now and I rushed to Dorka. She saw the panicked look on my face and immediately understood.

"She saw you walk out with Jay and just left." she shrugged, returning back to her conversation. Of course the one time I'm dying to talk to her she's nowhere to be seen. I thanked her, walking to my car. I knew where I needed to go, I needed to know that Paige was actually done with us.

I found myself in front of her door, the same way she was a few days prior. I finally built up the courage to knock and just waited for a response. Paige opened the door, she still looked the same but her face was flushed pink, she turned around and her face dropped when she noticed me standing there.

"Jules?" She asked, confused.

"I wanted to talk." My voice was quiet, almost scared that I would scare the girl away. I looked at her and her face looked panicked. I knew she wasn't expecting me but it didn't seem like a big deal for me to show up.

"Paige what's taking so long?" Another voice screamed from inside. I knew it wasn't Azzi's voice and my heart dropped, looking at Paige for some piece of hope. A face came into view, popping her head out of the door and her hand on Paige's arm. My Paige's arm.

"Oh Jules right? It's so nice to meet you." I recognized her. She was a cheerleader. I don't remember her name but I saw her at games, always giving Paige eyes. She had a bright smile and a cheery tone to her voice, I couldn't hate someone so cheerful.

"Yeah sorry, didn't know Paige had company. I'll go." I felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that I really thought we were on the same page. She had already moved on. Every moment we had now a distant memory in her head. Before Paige could reply I spun on my heel and started walking away.

"Jules, Jules wait." Paige begged from her apartment. The tone in her voice felt pure, like she really wanted me to wait but she didn't come running after me. She let me walk away and walked back into her dorm with that cheerleader.

So much for being 'my girl'.  

Author's Note 

Jay's redemption arc 

ALSO i promise Jules and Paige will find their way back to each other, just not yet