This Love~... Jack Hughes

anxiety

luke came and sat down next to me again and i gave him a pat on his leg in friendly comfort.

"you're sitting with me for this." he said looking at me.

"what? you want me to sit with you and be on tv?"
"uh, yeah. you're here to be my emotional support you need to be with me at all times." he said like it was obvious.

"i don't know, luke."
"you'll be fine, deli. plus you don't have to say anything just pretend the cameras aren't there."
"fine, but you really owe me for this."
"i know." he chuckled, "you've made that very clear."

i laughed and fiddled with the rings on my fingers. it's just a habit i've picked up when my anxiety got bad in high school.

i was looking down at my my hands while still messing with my rings. luke was talking with his brothers when i looked up and noticed jack looking at my hands. i quickly separated them and felt my cheeks flush as his did the same when he realized i caught him looking at me.

"um, hey, delilah can i get you aquaphor or something for your burn, it looks pretty bad."
"oh, um, it's ok, you don't have to."
"i want to. come on." he reached for me and i looked nervously at his extended hand.

i grabbed it softly and he pulled me up slightly and led me up the stairs to his bathroom.

he stood me in front of his mirror while he pulled out his bottle of aquaphor.

"it might hurt when i touch it." he said looking at me through the mirror.

i only nodded and winced once he started applying the ointment to my shoulder.

"sorry. you ok?"
"yeah... yeah i'm ok."
"i saw you messing with your hands downstairs. nervous habit?"
"yeah. i had really bad anxiety in high school. i went to three different schools, freshman year i went to private school and made no real friends, just people talking to me cause i was pretty and popular. i transferred and went to my local public school which was a way bigger school than my other one so i struggled a lot with a big change. then i left all my friends there to go to college my junior year and i didn't really make friends there either cause i was sixteen and seventeen among adults who went to frat parties and were forced to be there because of their parents. they didn't want to hang out with a kid who liked school and was smart enough to skip years of high school. it was just a lot to handle."
"i bet." he said gently moving my hair to my opposite shoulder so it was more out of his way.

"i had my first panic attack alone. i didn't know what was happening i was almost certain i was having a heart attack." i chuckled.

i could tell he didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"you can laugh about it, it's ok." he looked up at me and smiled looking into my eyes.

"it was in a bathroom in the senior hallway. i was in there for a long time so i got back with bloodshot eyes, people probably thought i was in there getting high. i never told anyone and just kind of figured out how to cope with it on my own. i think luke's noticed i can be fidgety but he's never brought it up so he's probably waiting until i tell him, but i don't know if i ever will." i looked down.

"i think you should, but if you aren't ready you obviously don't have to. i didn't tell anyone about mine either but once i started hockey all the fans saw i was a little off and stuttered a lot in interviews, so they all figured i had social anxiety. my mom asked me about it and i told her i do get anxious, but i never had an anxiety attack until a few weeks later when my rookie season got really bad. everyone started calling me the biggest bust in the nhl but i knew i was so much more than that. i cried so hard i couldn't breathe and i had to get help from some nice lady that i was neighbors with in my apartment."
"and look at you now. one of the biggest stars in nhl history."
"yeah." he chuckled. "i've come a long way."

"and you've still got further to go."

he smiled at me and put the bottle of aquaphor away before putting a bandage on my shoulder.

"i know you aren't supposed to cover a burn but i figured if youre on tv you don't want it showing. and you don't want to get your hair in it." he said placing my hair back over my shoulders the way it was.

"thank you, jack. you didn't have to."
"trust me, delilah. i wanted to."