Javier's Chico

7.

"M'sorry.." Mateo pouted, practically burying himself into John's jacket. His fluffy hair tickled John's face as he held the boy's head close to him. What the fuck was Javier doing? What was HE doing trying to soothe a crying kid? He hated them, the snotty brats. But Mateo was just different, he wasn't like every other bratty kid he saw in town.

Mateo briefly looked up and around camp, looking for his papá, though he really didn't seem to mind John holding him, "Don't need to apologise...Hey, why don't we do something fun? Wanna go see the horses again?" The one trick that always seemed to work with Mateo, the horses.

"Wanna go home.." The boy started whining, getting closer into John's chest, chubby hands running and pulling on his own hair. Javier hated when he did that but he always did when he was upset. "Bill is scary.."

"You don't need to cry...It's alright Mateo, you are home. You gotta ignore Bill." God, he needed Javier.

"I wan' papá..." Big tear filled brown eyes met John's. He had held a child a total of twice before this, let alone a crying one. Thankfully Javier heard him, like he had super hearing or something. He ran over, panic in his face.

"Cariño mío..." Javier took him from John and soothed him. It was like an art, the moment Mateo cuddled into his pa, he quietened down to just sniffles. "What, what is it?" He looked at John desperately, while assessing his son for any cuts or scrapes. Maybe he fell and hurt himself...

"He said he wants to go home." John led Javier away from camp, to the spot under the tree he spent a lot of time at. It was as peaceful as ever, where Mateo had left one of his wooden toys he brought from home.

"Well...One day, maybe we will go back to Mexico. We just have to be here for a while."

John's finger stroked Mateo's tear stained cheek, wiping away his tears. "And you always got your
pa here, an' he loves you so much. You got me and Arthur! You said we were your best friends!"

"Not Bill.."

Javier eyed the man from afar, blood boiling with anger. He could take having insults and cruel words tossed at him, but to a toddler, his toddler? Of course he didn't want to hit Bill again, especially in front of Mateo, but he sure as hell wasn't gonna be speaking to his son again.

~~~

After Mateo calmed down a little, Dutch suggested John and Javier took Mateo out for a while, he was dying to ride Boaz again. John led the way while Mateo pretended he was riding the horse all by himself. He seemed to really love horses, especially Javier's horse, and John's. The whole time, he kept calling both horses pretty.

"I woulda took you to the saloon but they ain't gonna let you in with Mateo." They were both very quiet, apart from Mateo sniffling and blowing his nose in a handkerchief. 

"I don't want to take him near those places anyway."

"I'm sorry that about that shit that just happened. He had a great mornin'. He woke up with a big ol' grin, he was real proud of himself."

"Bill is...really something."

"One of them fellers who likes to make his opinion loud an' clear when he don't like somethin'. Dutch is happy you're here, everyone loves Mateo, you're good people. But I just...I really gotta ask. Where is Mateo's mom? Why is it just you?"

Javier shrugged. Ignoring those questions was the only way he could possibly avoid spilling something he wanted to keep a secret.

They came to an open field where Mateo begged to go chase the rabbits around for a bit. He was a quick little kid, John could barely catch up to him and he became too worn out to keep chasing the boy around. Arthur had given him torn out pieces of paper and a pencil to draw in, so they figured they'd take him somewhere he can draw once he'd burnt off his energy.

John sat beside Javier and watched the boy run around. Things just got too tense at camp for Mateo. John just hoped Javier wouldn't change his mind and find somewhere else for him and Mateo to live. It wasn't safe for them out there, he dreaded to think who Javier might fall in with if he did leave. And besides, John wouldn't admit it, but he really enjoyed Javier's company.

"I don't know." Javier finally said. "I don't like to talk about her."

"Has it always just been you raising the boy?"

"Since he was a newborn, yes. My mother and my sister, they help me very much."

"You and Mateo's mom?"

"Mhm."

"I'm lost, Javi. You don't know what happened to her? And your sister or your mom didn't see her? What about when she had Mateo..? Were you—"

"Please, I do not want to talk about this." His heart was racing, mind full of the things he shouldn't say. He was afraid of what John would think, he was afraid what Mateo would think of his father if it turned out he never even had a mom to begin with.

John raised an eyebrow as Javier started getting anxious again, clearly talking about something he wasn't comfortable discussing. But now the pieces really weren't falling together. His story seemed believable at first, but now? Where did Mateo really come from? He looked just like Javier but now John was having a hard time believing his story.

He pushed again. "Were you even there when Mateo was born? How can you not know what happened to the mother of your child if you were there? And didn't you say she died?"

"No more, please."

"You're actin' weird.."

"Please stop." Javier looked on the verge of tears, worried to death about saying the wrong things.

John finally quietened down, but Javier could feel his eyes on him. Some things were just better off not being talked about, and he knew now to not mention those things unless he wants to be interrogated for it.

Mateo did not get bored of running at all, even though he'd scared most of the rabbits away and now felt the need to shout and laugh as loud as his little lungs would let him. Javier was more than happy to let the kid burn off some energy and take a nap. And once John regained his own energy, he had Mateo on his shoulders, jumping around, letting him hang upside down while he giggled the sweetest little giggle.

That was the thing with Mateo, or any toddler for that matter. They were so unaware of everything, one minute Mateo was crying and the next, he's laughing and smiling. In every possible way he reminded Javier of a younger version of himself.

"Papá! Look!" Mateo said, the 'L' pronounced more like a 'Y' sound. He was sitting on top of John's horse, Old Boy, while John held onto his waist so he didn't fall. He was even wearing John's hat which was covering most of his face, but he still saw that big grin.

"You're gonna make a fine gunslinger one day." John chuckled, pushing his hat back so it sat on top of his curly hair and out of his eyes.

"Yeah!" The kid had no idea what John said, but he was smiling so he laughed along too.

"Soon as you're big enough, we'll teach you to shoot a gun, yeah? Me an' your pa?"

"Papá...I'm tired.."

"Don't take much to tire you out, huh? Let's get you back to camp."

The ride back was pretty much silent. Mateo practically fell asleep on John's horse, leaning back against him. He had one hand on the boy's chest to keep him safe and the other hand controlling the horse's reins. John still had so many questions about Javier, and maybe he wasn't so sure about him now. He seemed like a good guy but...why was he so secretive? He was contradicting everything he said and now John didn't know what to believe. He figured Javier would spit out the truth eventually.