Secrets of an Alchemist

There's Something About Hook Foot: Part 2

"Hook Foot," Eugene said, taking one of his arms while Rapunzel took the other. "Let's get you ready for a date." Varian trailed behind them, curious to see where this was going to go. Rapunzel stood off to the side as Eugene and Varian stood in front of Hook Foot. The four stood in a small clearing. "First, we need to get you the right look," Eugene announced. "Let's try this one that I like to call, the Simmer." Eugene made a flirtatious face, and Varian cringed. Hook Foot tried the same, and the face he made was so horrifying, Varian fainted right then and there. He woke up to Ruddiger fanning him with a small leaf.

"Okay, let's not do that again," Varian groaned, standing up. "Ever." Ruddiger climbed back onto his shoulders as Hook Foot walked over to Rapunzel, Simmering all the way.

"Let's not worry about simmering," Rapunzel agreed. "All you have to do is be yourself! Just say whatever comes naturally. Varian made a mental note. So far, Rapunzel's advice seemed to be working better than Eugene's. Although, that might be because Hook Foot's Simmer would be showing up in Varian's nightmares for years to come.

"Huh," Hook Foot began. "How can my armpits be so clammy and yet so itchy at the same time?!?" Hook Foot began scratching his armpits, and Varian facepalmed. Sure, Rapunzel had good advice, she was just using it on the wrong person. "That's new," Hook Foot continued, scratching harder. "I wonder if I should have that checked out." Rapunzel cringed, her expression mirroring exactly what Varian felt. They decided to switch topics and work on posture instead.

"Straighten that back," Eugene said, slapping Hook Foot's back. Later, when Hook Foot was sitting on a beach towel, Rapunzel took a turn at posture advice.

"Sit however you want," she encouraged Hook Foot. Hook Foot thrust his hook foot forward into a position that could not be comfortable. A little while later, Eugene lectured Hook Foot.

"You gotta put your best foot forward," Eugene said, leaning over Hook Foot's shoulder. "And in this case, I'm gonna let you decide which one that is!" Back on the towel later, Rapunzel talked to Hook Foot.

"The most important thing is that you're comfortable," she told him, wiggling her feet back and forth as she sat, Varian next to her, Ruddiger on his shoulders. Hook Foot did the same, and his foot and hook clanged together with a terrible sound. Then, his hook got lodged in his boot, and he tried to pry it out to no avail. Varian gave a small snicker, but began coughing to cover it up when Hook Foot glared at him. Eugene leaned over Hook Foot.

"Comfort's got nothing to do with it," Eugene disagreed. "It's about igniting the fires of passion, and that won't happen if sparks aren't flying, y'know." Rapunzel walked over with Varian.

"What does that even mean?!?" Rapunzel asked indignantly.

"Trust me, Blondie, I've gone on tons of dates!" Eugene exclaimed. Varian facepalmed once more. Again, not something you admit to your girlfriend!

"You have?" Rapunzel questioned, suspiciously.

"With you!" Eugene defended himself. Varian rolled his eyes.

"Sure, Eugene, sure," Varian said. Ruddiger chittered in agreement.

"And I know how love works!" Eugene continued, ignoring Varian. The two argued as Hook Foot laid there. Later, the four rowed in a boat into an island in the middle of the cove. Seraphina sat on the top of the island. Hook Foot gave a gulp as they pulled up in the boat. Rapunzel played a lively tune on a guitar as Seraphina and Hook Foot sat across from each other at a table. Hook Foot rubbed his head with a rag (thankfully it wasn't Varian's cloak) and then wrung it out.

"Sorry about all the ear sweat," Hook Foot apologized. Varian's nose crinkled. Ew.

"Bonjour, bienvenue, and welcome, I'm Eugene," Eugene said, walking up. "I'll be taking care of you." He placed a platter in front of Seraphina. "Our first course, fresh halibut." Eugene opened the plate to reveal a blue fish.