If I'm There - Noah Sebastian

Chapter 12- What's keeping me here?

Both bands all stand up and shout all kinds of expletives.
May, Jesse and I look at each other completely baffled, not knowing what's going on.

"Most of this is thanks to Lou. You should have seen her. Persuading people to buy extra beanies to match their t-shirts and asking people if they had any friends they wanted to buy for. She was on fire!" Davis shouts, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Go on, Lou, you should work our merch table for the next couple of nights!" Andy laughs, throwing me another beer from the fridge.

I'm still stood in silence, because I've no idea what's going on, when Noah tells everyone he needs to explain as he can see I'm lost.

"Right babe, so we usually make around $15,000, and the venue usually takes about a 10% cut, so we come out with $13,500" He explains.
"Riiiiiiight?" I say, still confused.
"So yeah, still really great money we can put back into the band for producing, new equipment, etc. but not a lot so we don't rely on that, and we pay a lot out of pocket for these things... but tonight, we've made roughly $22,000"
"Oh haha, well, that's so sick, but I didn't do that?"
"Well yeah, Lou, you kinda did. We probably would have made less than 15k as it's a smaller venue, but we've made 10K more than we would have because of how you were selling!" Davis exclaims.
"I mean, I didn't really do anything. Just what I normally do?"

Everyone laughs and hugs me, I'm still a bit confused. I'm not in a band, so I can't really understand all the ins and outs, but Noah is happy, and so are the rest of the guys, so I'm happy.

We say our goodbyes and head to the vans to get ready for bed. It's another drive tomorrow to Birmingham for the last 2 shows that we're tagging along to.

I turn to say goodbye to the guys so I can head back to the hotel with my friends, and May comes and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Stay with Noah, L, I'll drive Jesse and I to Birmingham tomorrow. Who knows how long it'll be before you see him next after Saturday."
I look at Noah and see his face light up, May turns and winks at him, and I see their friendship blossoming in front of my eyes and can't help but feel warm inside.
"You sure, girl?"
"Yes, 100%. Spend some time with your man, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." She laughs and walks off as Noah and I head into the van.

We get into our bunk and hear silence fall upon the van as everyone is ready to drift into a deep sleep.
My eyes are closed, but I can feel Noah’s eyes burning fire into my soul as I open them, and sure enough, he's staring right at me.

"Is everything okay?" I whisper.
"I could say the same to you, love. You've never worked merch table, nor have we ever expected you to. What made you tonight?"
"I don't know. I saw how you were watching BVB tonight. I can see how much you want this, this life, and you deserve it. You've all worked so hard, and again, I can't stop these thoughts of being left behind," I sob.
"Babe, I don't know what you've been through, and I know I'll never be able to stop those thoughts, but if I have to reassure you every single day, then I will. You have my heart, Lou. I've never felt so happy, comfortable, and warm around someone like this before. You're not who I expected to fall for, but you feed my soul in ways I never thought I needed. The way you've fit into my life, with my band mates like a puzzle piece, is something I'll never let go of."

I can't control the tears that are now streaming down my face.

"I can't tell you how much that means to me, Noah. You have my heart also, I don't know how it's going to work, but I'm also going to try my hardest because you've all changed my life in ways I never imagined. I like my life, don't get me wrong, but I've never felt a purpose, excitement like this before. I don't have anyone and haven't other than May and Jess for a long time and being around you, and your family have helped me combat this wall of loneliness I've felt in my heart for so long and for that, I'm grateful for you all."

I feel his heated body relax, as if this is what he's been waiting to hear, and it's like we've unlocked another chapter in our story. It's going to be a long book, but worth it, I hope.
We share a passionate kiss as I climb on top of him and place my head on his chest. I can hear his heart, and I almost feel myself calm to the point where our hearts beat simultaneously, as one.

"Lou, why don't you come with us?"
"What?" I scoff.
"Come with us? Back to the US. Join us on tour! You can help with merch if you really want to?"
I sit up, still straddling him.
"I can't do that? I live here, my job is here and my friends are here."
"I get that, but we can sort you out a visa, we had to do it with Jolly when he was in Sweden. You could do freelance makeup in LA as we're focusing on moving there after this tour. You can come in your own time, you can come and visit as much as you like and I'll pay for those visits until you feel comfortable enough to move."

I stay silent and slide down back under the duvet between the wall and his body as he wraps his arms around me.
I feel him plant a kiss on my ear. "Just think about it. I want you around, for good."
I close my eyes and begin to feel dizzy as the thoughts go round in my head at 100 mph. My job is here, granted it's not my favourite job but I like it. I have my home, that's empty and not even mine because I rent it. I have May and Jesse... but that's it. I mean, other than them, what do I actually have keeping me here, other than comfortability?