Lend Me Your Hand And I'll Give You Mine (OMORI Vampire AU Sunflower)

Why

TW: Non-sexual Nudity? I guess. No privates are described here. Don't worry. Self-harm, or more like wanting to have harm down to himself. Self Image Issues

Basil sure wasn't kidding when he said I needed a bath. The thought of how dirty I was just... never came to mind until after clean water hit my skin. I felt cold, and it hurt against the fragility of my skin. I slathered soap onto myself and took a deep breath. I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Sunny? Why are you showering with the lights off," I sighed in relief. It's just Basil. Mari used to scold me often for doing this, but after being transformed. I wanted to make it as hard as possible to see myself. I was, in a way ashamed of my body. That's another reason I have to be confused by Basil's asking. I don't get how he looks at me with such a calm, caring gaze. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel like I want it to shatter. I want it to explode, I want the glass shards to stab into me, making my body unrecognizable. I wanted the glass to make me bleed. Or cut off everything which was wrong with me. I took a deep breath. 'Calm down Sunny, focus? Mari wouldn't want that to happen to you. Basil would be sad as well' 'But everyone else would be glad for you to be gone. No one forgave you. Your mother abandoned you.' I shook my head. You're trying to get better Sunny. You can't keep having those thoughts. You promised Basil that you'd attempt to heal with him. You're not going to leave him again. Speaking of leaving, I shouldn't leave Basil's question unanswered so he won't grow concerned.

"It's a vampire thing," I shouted, making my voice louder than the running water, which had finally turned warm and gentle. Or maybe it was different. Maybe I had grown numb from the cold water. I didn't care. Maybe I liked it better when it hurt? I didn't want to know and I wasn't going to test it. I'd just let myself relax. Although, the thought of being hurt wasn't a bad one. It was something I could work on. After all, thoughts can't hurt anyone. Besides, everyone has some form of morbid curiosity involving their own body.

"Okay, I know this sounds weird but Polly wants you to keep all the doors unlocked. Just in case you try to harm yourself. Is that okay?" Basil asked "It's the same for me, I hope you understand," Basil finished speaking. I had no problem understanding. It was a reasonable request. I just wondered why Basil would reinforce it. He should understand that I wouldn't dare break our promises. I didn't have the heart to and I wasn't selfish. I slowly sighed. He's probably just paranoid. I dragged myself out of the shower. I unlocked the door and then looked down at my own body. I was clean enough, wasn't I?

"Hey Basil," I yelled.

"Is everything okay Sunny," he sounded concerned yet his voice was muffled through the door. He was still there.

"Uhm, I don't have another pair of clothes, could... could I borrow some of yours," I requested. Basil stayed silent for some time. He was still there. I wonder why he was so quiet. I didn't like to have to see my body though so I spoke again.

"Are you okay," I asked. I heard what could only be described as "weird Basil noises" before hearing an actual response which you could understand.

"Oh, yeah," he chuckled "Of course," he sounded embarrassed. What for? We've shared clothes before. I didn't question him on it, however. I heard footsteps leave the door. I knew it was unfair but I felt a bit impatient. I don't know why, I just hate the way I look. I was too pale, I was too clean, with barely any hair on me besides my head, armpits and yeah. I wasn't shaped right as well. I felt the mirror tempting me but I hated to look into it.

I was more than relieved when footsteps came in my direction. He knocked on the door. I opened it partially. He gave me what looked to be an oversized green hoodie, pants that looked to be my size and small for him and no shirt. Was I supposed to wear the hoodie like a shirt? I mean, I wasn't going to complain, it was better than nothing. I slid it over my body and wow, it was soft. I felt weird thinking this, but I liked the way it smelled. Which was like Basil. Maybe liking the way people smelled was a normal thing for vampires?