Tales From A Teenage Henchman

Good Intentions

Tim actually remembered that. They'd gone to the park to throw Penny a party and had ended up getting kicked out for stealing another party's decorations. Not one of their proudest moments, but Penny had appreciated it. Especially the stolen cake. That had been a good cake.

Apparently, things did taste better when they were free.

"It's still nice to go out like this once in a while," Tim said with a shrug. Lina gave him a look that clearly told him she was aware of how much of his current optimism was based on the fact that he was getting free food. Tim would have felt insulted if it weren't so true.

Any response he might have had was quickly forgotten as Penny began one of her dramatic, morale boosting speeches. She did that an awful lot as of late.

"You all have been working so hard lately, and I just want to say I'm very proud of all of you. I couldn't have asked for better hen—er, helpful people." Someone in the group snorted at Penny's terrible save. Tim honestly couldn't blame them because it was terrible. "So thank you all for sticking with me all these years, and for not killing me in my sleep for making you work out," Penny muttered the last part, but Tim was close enough to hear that bit. It really was something to be proud of that no one had attempted it. He supposed it said a lot about how much they liked Penny. Let it never be said that they weren't loyal, despite their many, many, many, failings.

"Let's all do our best at the Jamboree and show everyone else we can also be good at evi—er, evicting the competition." Now it was Tim's turn to snort. Penny really needed to work on covering up her slip ups because so far, she was failing at getting people to not give them weird looks.

Soon enough, Penny's dreadful—yet somewhat touching—speech was over and everyone went back to stuffing their faces while innocent bystanders watched in horror. Henchmen weren't known for being dainty eaters, after all.

By the time their food was gone, pants had been unbuttoned, plates had been cleaned, and a couple of them looked to be in food comas. All in all, it was what Tim had expected from a night out with everyone else. Penny seemed not to mind the slovenly group around her as she finished up her slice of chocolate cake—which she insisted she could recreate at home.

So much for healthy eating, Tim thought.

They left once everyone was able to stand, and Penny settled their bill with a wad of crinkled up bills of questionable origin. Still, it was the most lawful thing they'd done in a while. Everyone inside the diner still stared at them as they marched out of the place, but by that point in their life they were all too used to it.

Tim honestly had to admit that it was one of the best nights he'd had in a while. Tim should have known better than to express any amount of happiness.

It was at the exact moment that a tire from one of their vans blew out that Tim knew things were going to hell. After years of watching chain upon chain of disastrous events unfold, Tim knew all too well what the signs of an approaching shitstorm looked like. Even so, nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

Under other circumstances, a kind stranger stopping by to help would have been great. Under other circumstances Tim might have been happily living a normal life away from all of the insanity in his current one. He most certainly would not be staring through the car's window, with his mouth open, as Penny talked to the good samaritan offering to help. A good samaritan that Tim was just about certain he knew all too well.

A funny thing about villains and heroes that Tim had found out after years of being a henchman was that they sucked at disguises. Sure, they wore masks and weird—sometimes vaguely kinky—outfits, but it wasn't like those things made it impossible to figure out who was behind the mask. Especially if you spent a considerable amount of time around such masked people.

It was why Tim was sure that he was looking at Penny accepting help from her new arch nemesis. Tim just about had a heart attack. Before his poor heart gave out, he thought it would be a good idea to inform Lina of just how utterly screwed they were because he couldn't die without at least ruining someone else's day.

In this case, it meant desperately tugging at her arm while pointing at the scene outside with a wild look in his eyes. Understandably, Lina looked at Tim like he had finally snapped. It wasn't a very far-fetched idea. Still, rude.

"What the hell? What? What is it?" Lina asked, sounding both worried and confused.

"Sparrow!" Tim harshly whispered. He didn't know if Sparrow had super hearing, but he wasn't about to take any chances.

"What?" Lina looked like she was about to join the unexpected-heart-attack club. Tim was suitably satisfied with her reaction.

"That's Sparrow!" he pointed once more and then decided that he didn't want to be caught pointing at a superhero and looking that worried.

"You're kidding right?" Lina looked out, eyes squinting as she scrutinized the young woman now changing the tire of one of their vehicles with Sam's help while Penny stood by. "That can't be. Even we're not that unlucky."

Tim begged to differ.

"What do we do?"

"Pray?" Tim suggested rather unhelpfully. Honestly, he didn't know what Lina expected him to say. "I don't know. What else can we do?"

Running away also crossed Tim's mind, but he thought that would probably just make them look more suspicious.

Pray it is, Tim thought, sending his butchered version of a plea to whatever god was willing to help them out. And maybe that was one after all because, after fixing up the tire and chatting with Penny for a bit, Sparrow was gone. Tim felt like he'd just witnessed a miracle.

Even as they drove home, Tim could hardly believe they'd survived. Hell, even as he sat in his room with Lina, Tim was only starting to think that maybe they weren't cursed.

"There was no reason for her to suspect us," Lina pointed out while Tim lay face down on his bed thanks to a combination of sheer, exhausting relief and having eaten too much. "Or maybe you're just a delusional bastard and it wasn't Sparrow at all."

Tim wanted to believe that, as insulting as it was. But he knew better. He also should have known that miracles weren't real and if they were, they didn't happen to assholes like him.

Tim enjoyed three days of relative peace before finding out Penny had a date with Sparrow. 

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Hey everyone!

Hope you all liked this chapter, and sorry for the late update, I've just been alternating between busy and tired, haha. I'm doing a lot of things you all might hear about at some point, but yeah. Anyway, thank you all for reading and, as always, thank you for your support and patience. Hope you all have a great week!