Despicable Desires

Episode 38

"I didn't expect to find you here."

The confidence in his eyes is back and I almost falter.

I grip my cup tightly, trying to focus on one of my senses other than sight and smell, completely intoxicated by Jayden.

"You'll have to get used to it. Your neighbor's in Seattle now."

"Don't say that. You know that..."

He is interrupted by a man calling from the back of the kitchen and turning to him.

"Come over here, White! I want to show you a game."

I don't see his reaction, or even if he tries to stop me, and quickly leave the kitchen. The liquid in my cup spills between my fingers, but I keep moving forward, putting distance between what I am trying with all my strength to escape and myself. Him. My feelings. These unexpected reunions that leave me panting, breathless, and completely disoriented.

I had dreamed of Seattle, and yet I never wanted to go home more than tonight.

***

Leaning against the wall, I wait patiently for Holly to come out of the toilet so that I can go. Surprisingly, there is no one waiting behind me, whereas the downstairs toilets are overrun. I am glad my friend had the wonderful idea of searching upstairs. With all that I have drunk, I could not see myself waiting fifteen minutes for the toilets to become available downstairs. With arms crossed against my chest, I cannot help but ruminate on the events earlier in the evening. It is a rather mixed assessment. After my forced confrontation with Jayden, I did not speak to him for the rest of the evening. I tried my best to avoid him, fleeing the kitchen as soon as he entered and rushing to the garden when I saw him in the living room. He kept his distance, but despite that, our-eyes met too many times. I do not know if it was me who was getting caught every time or the opposite, but I felt like my heart spent its time racing. And alongside that, when we spoke in the kitchen, he remained the same as he has always been with me. Distant, detached, almost cold. Two contradictory behaviours that make me hopeful while reducing my doubts to nothing.

"Hey, look who we have here!"

A mass leans against my shoulder without any delicacy, grabbing my arms weakly. I find myself face to face with Lydia, completely drunk. Her smile has not disappeared from her face; however, I can't say the same about her make-up, which hardly resembles anything.

"Are you okay?" I have to ask her.

"I've had a few drinks," she answers, dizzy.

I had noticed.

"And how about you, are you having a good time?"

"Yes, it's great!"

"You'll see, all the university parties are fantastic. You won't want to miss them," she continued teasingly.

"I guess so," I admit quietly.

Come on, Holly, please hurry. Making small talk with a girl ten times more drunk than me is not really my strong suit. I give two small knocks on the door to signal my friend to hurry up, then turn my head back to my interlocutor.

"And it's a wonderful hunting ground," she continues, her eyes mischievous.

"Yes, I thought I saw some nice-looking people."

"Do you have your eye on anyone yet?"

"No, no," I hasten to answer before she comes up with a drunken interrogation.

She turns her head sharply toward the end of the hallway to make sure we are alone, then turns her attention back to me, the smell of alcohol on her breath.

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but I think Jayden has a crush on you," she gives me a significant wink and looks at me with interest, waiting for a reaction. On the outside I show no emotion, I am stoic. Inside, my heart has stopped and a swarm of butterflies is raging in my stomach.

"Then why are you telling me?"

I don't even know why I'm whispering, considering we're the only two in the hallway. I just think that hearing from someone else's mouth that Jayden likes me really messes with my head.

Although he probably didn't get the memo, since he's been ignoring me for three weeks now.

"He's not very good with these things," I help him out.

She gives me a friendly pat on the shoulder and swallows the last few words she was about to say just as Holly opens the door to the bathroom. The confidences have just come to an end. At this moment I don't know whether to resent Holly for interrupting this confession or to thank her for saving me from another disappointment.

"You can go now!"

"Oh, Adeline, can I take your place, please?"

With her hands crossed between her legs, Lydia begs me a few seconds before she passes me and locks herself in the bathroom. Holly looks at me in surprise and quietly questions me, amused by the brunette's drunken state.

"Adeline?"

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

I quickly turn to face the deep voice and see Jayden walking towards Holly and me, looking upset.

"Have you seen Lydia?"

I try to remain detached despite the pain in my chest at the sight of the concern on his face at the thought of not finding Lydia. The same concern that let his guard down to the point where he spoke to me as if I were a friend.

What did I expect when I saw him in that hallway? That he would tell me how beautiful I was? That he missed me? That Lydia was right on the money and that he had a crush on me?

I am pathetic.

"In the bathroom," I say, pointing to the door behind me.

He nods and leans against the wall facing us, his arms crossed over his chest. We all wait in silence, no one taking the initiative to break the awkwardness.

"Jay!"

Delighted to see the brown-haired guy, Lydia rushes out of the bathroom and runs into his arms, planting a loud kiss on his cheek.

"I'll take you home, Lydia, you've had enough to drink," he suggests.

"No, I'm fine here!"

She sulks, desperately trying to change his mind, but he remains unmoved by her charms. She finally gives in and walks happily toward the stairs, leaving him standing against the wall facing us.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening, girls."

After a quick glance in our direction, Jayden takes the same path as Lydia and disappears around the corner. Enjoy the rest of your evening... If my heart hadn't already been broken, it would have been broken tonight.

Note to self: never listen to a drunk girl.