Trauma [Jesse Pinkman]

[C3]

"There are violets in your eyes, there are guns that blaze around you" Honeymoon by Lana Del Rey

Jesse couldn't find his secret stash of money. He knew it was somewhere, he specifically remembered putting two hundred bucks in a shitty wallet for when he would need it, and he needed it now. At least, he hoped so. But if he couldn't find it, he wouldn't even be able to know for sure. Where the hell...?

Jesse wanted to take Devon out to dinner. He didn't want to call it a date because he didn't want to seem invasive, but either way. He knew it was stupid because he'd only seen her twice, but he felt something around her, telling him that she was special. She wasn't just someone he met once for fun.

"Damnit," Jesse muttered, "Just for once can things go right for me?"

It was Friday and Jesse was praying that Devon didn't have much of a social life. Maybe Devon would accept movies and a soda instead. Jesse hoped she wasn't a high maintenance girl, because although he had all the money, at the same time, he didn't.

Jesse had always been wary about how he saved and spent his money. He had to make sure he saved a large majority for his bad decisions and bad habits. Most of the time it didn't leave much room for other fun things. But Jesse would save all his money for Devon.

Jesse went into his messy dresser drawers and looked through all of his pants pockets, salvaging about forty dollars. That seemed like just enough to go somewhere, just as long as it wasn't a fancy place. Devon didn't seem like a high maintenance girl, so he should be fine. Jesse sighed, relieved.

Grabbing a random hoodie, Jesse left the house and locked the door. He would've called her first to see if she was available and to ask where she wanted to go but his phone was dead. Well, it was lost, and Jesse just assumed it was dead. He was always losing his things and he'd learned to just accept the fact that losing things were the beginning of his life fucking falling apart. Jesse already knew his life was falling apart, but just losing his phone and wallet were making him pissed off. He was counting on his coffee today for a pick-me-up.

As Jesse walked toward the cafe he tried to think of some topics to talk about with Devon once he got there. Devon wasn't one to talk that much, and Jesse didn't mind that at all, but he didn't know what to do during the awkward pauses and silences. He was having trouble focusing, so during the last few seconds before he opened the door to the cafe and walked inside he hurriedly thought that he could ask Devon about her hair. It was a lame, last-minute idea, but as Devon began consuming Jesse's mind more prominently, her hair was all he could think of.

Beaming on the inside, Jesse walked into the cafe and scanned the tables almost cheerfully, preparing himself to make eye contact with the captivating brown and blond hair. But he didn't see it, or her. He blinked quickly and looked around again. She definitely wasn't there, he would've noticed her by now. Jesse dropped his good posture as quickly as his happiness left his chest. He suddenly didn't even want a coffee anymore. He suddenly wanted to go home and sit in sadness. Who knew that he suddenly depended on one person for his happiness?

His hands deep in his pockets in sudden sadness, Jesse walked out of the cafe and decided to take the long way home. Being alone and outside gave him time to think and smoke cigarettes. As much as he enjoyed crazy parties, he also enjoyed silence. He began to walk through town, avoiding eye contact with anyone who he passed. He looked right and left quickly to be aware of his surroundings, but he'd rather be alone if he couldn't be with Devon.

Jesse passed by the local Chinese restaurant when he spotted it. The hair. Her hair. He jerked his head to look, and there he saw her. Devon was in the Chinese restaurant. Jesse noticed that the sun was starting to set in the sky and before he could stop himself or think straight, he opened the door to the restaurant.