Our Yesteryear Mistakes (Survivor #1)

PROLOGUE

"Did you survive?"

Hanna asked me as she sipped her lemonade juice. I face her and I laugh as I see her face. Ang dungis na niya, but still cute. Her hair twin-tail and a ribbon scrunchy on it make her cuter. That was her favourite hairstyle when she was here at school.

"Yes, I survived the exam," I said, and I look my test paper again. I made a mistake, I didn't make it perfect. "But I don't think I can survive my parent's sermon for today."

"You didn't make it perfect?"  Hanna asked me again.

"Almost... But I passed." Sagot ko sa kanya and I taste the raspberry cake that Hanna bought for me. It's so sweet, so I slice it bigger and almost eat it but someone a demonyita grabs it away from me.

"Mmm sarap, may iba pa? Nakaka hungry 'yung exam gosh."

"That's for her, Mayang. Buy it on your own." masungit na saway ni Hanna.

"Alam mo sis, minsan naisip ko kung sino ang mas kapatid mo sa amin dalawa eh. Like hello? I'm your ate here and kaka galing ko lang din sa exam duh,"

I just shook my head as I listened to them. They are always like that, mukhang di magka-kapatid at parang aso't pusa. I think that was just their love language as a sister.

***

/*Paakkkk*/

One hard slap echoed around our house. I bit my lip to prevent crying as I felt the burning sensation in my cheeks.

"I told you to study to be perfect for your pre-exam today!" my father shouted at me angrily.

I faced my mother to ask for help but I also saw her face anger and disappointment in her eyes. She crumpled my test paper and threw it on my face.

I bowed my head to hide the tears that kept falling from my eyes. They don't want to see me cry in front of them. The last time I cried in front of them, they just told me that I was pathetic and weak.

"I'm sorry, Mom, Dad... It was just pre-exam naman po, I'll make bawi in the final."

"We born you to be perfect. So be perfect Elle Claire, don't disappoint us." -Dad

"Don't make us regret bringing you into this world." -Mom

I don't know what to say, so I just run to my room and lock myself inside my cabinet.

Yes, a cabinet.

My parents didn't know that I always locked myself inside my cabinet whenever I was down, or whenever they hurt me physically or mentally. I am just used to it like this. When I was around three years old if I made a mistake and If they didn't like what I did, they always hurt me with their painful words and after that, they locked me inside a cabinet crying out loud.

But It stopped when I was already in high school, they gave me my room, so I bought a big cabinet. Nagtataka sila nung una kung bakit ang laki pero sinabi ko lang na habang lumalaki ako, magiging marami rami na 'yung mga panamit ko. And I'm thankful that they are convinced. And they thought that inside my cabinet was my dress and some things, but no, inside it was my guitar and full of scratch paper, my pen and pencil because I love doodling and singing.

Pag umiiyak ako nag do-doodle ako sa dingding ng cabinet or sa papel ko, kaya ang daming scratch paper sa loob ng cabinet ko, ang kalat. But I don't clean it because whenever I see my mess, It will remind me that I was such a mess. And If I get tired of doodling, I sing a song with my guitar.

My parents never saw inside my cabinet because I lock it whenever I'm not around, and my key is always on me. No one tried to get my key out of me, kahit pa sa dalawa kung kaibigan. My friends knew every part of my miserable life, and ever in my life since I met them, they never judge me. Sila pa 'yung mga taong laging nandiyan para sa akin, sila 'yung taong pwede kung sandalan ang mga balikat habang umiiyak ako. They are my own handkerchief to wipe my tears.

That's why I love Hanna and Mayang, more than my parents.

I also remembered when the first time I allowed them to see inside my cabinet, I and Mayang were in the first year of high school and Hanna was in her last year of grade school. I allowed them because they were so annoying. After all, they wanted to see inside, so I allowed them. At first, I thought they would be scared or judge me. But instead of it, they hugged me tightly and didn't say a word. So after that dito na rin kaming tatlo sa cabinet ko kapag bumisita sila rito. Minsan nga lang pag wala sila Mommy and Daddy ko.

I'm scared that my parents would see what was inside my cabinet because they would freak out and be scared when they saw this. They will think that I was crazy.

Yes, I doodle my cabinet, but all of it was not as ordinary as normal people's doodles. All over inside my cabinet is full of scary doodles. On the roof of my cabinet, I draw a naked girl crying with blood with two monsters in her back. At sa gitna ng cabinet ko, there was a big creepy X and I drew a blood drifting around it. I decorated inside my cabinet with blood mixing with tears.

I drew all of it because of my experience, and what I saw in my nightmares and sometimes when I saw my drawings and doodles around my cabinet It comforted me. And remind me how miserable my life is, but being survived every shits I had. 

***