Me: Are you sure you can't come out early?
Rosie: Bitch, some of us have to work
Me: What good is having a best friend if you can't drop everything and fly to me in my time of need?
Rosie: Okay drama queen. I will just quit my job, abandon my cat, and leave all my house plants to die so I can come to Canada and tell you, you're being an idiot
Me: 1) Congratu-fucking-lations. You're an adult. With adult responsibilities like cats and plants and being a super bad-ass lawyer. We get it. 2) How do you know I was being an idiot?
Rosie: ...
Me: Fine. I was being an idiot
Rosie: What did you do?
Me: I may or may not have broken into Burke Stidel's house
Rosie: Your autocorrect is a messy bitch
Me: No I meant what I wrote. I broke into Burke Stidels house yesterday.
Rosie: OMG WHAT?????
Rosie: Burke Stidel? Vancouver Greys' Burke Stidel? As in the poster you hide in your closet Burke Stidel? The sexy-blonde-hockey-man, best ass in the NHL, tied the regular season scoring record last season, Burke Stidel?
Me: The very one
Me: Surprised you remembered the part about the regular season scoring record
Rosie: You talk about him and that team all the goddamn time. Some of it was bound to sink in
Rosie: We are getting off topic
Rosie: You broke into his house?
Rosie: ? ? ? ?
Me: It was an accident
Me: I thought it was our cabin. Turns out he's our new neighbor
Rosie: Are you fucking serious right now?
Me: Deadly.
Rosie: Then there is only one clear solution that will undo your idiocy
Me: I'm listening...
Rosie: You need to fuck that man immediately
Me: Are you insane?
Rosie: No sweetie. You're the insane one in our relationship. So insane that you have been dreaming about a man you had never even met for years and then you broke into his house and then you didn't have sex with him
Me: It was an ACCIDENT
Rosie: Likely story hon
Rosie: I swear to God Olly. Sleep with this man, or we are no longer friends
Me: How?
Rosie: What do you mean how? You're not a virgin. Which is not a secret because your ex-boyfriend is a scum of the earth dick-bag with a bro-complex and bragged about it to anyone who would listen.
Rosie: Including your dipshit brother
Me: Can we not talk about Jake?
Rosie: Yes. Let's talk about Burke Stidel.
Rosie: March your sweet ass over there and offer him some apology sex for breaking into his house
Rosie: Answer my fucking texts Olly
Rosie: I know you are still by your phone
Rosie: BITCH ANSWER ME!
Rosie: Finnneeeee, you don't have to have sex with him tonight. Better yet wait until Jake and Emily come and then bang Burke on the pool furniture in front of everyone
YOU ARE READING
Not-So Expert Guide to Fangirling and Romance
RomanceOlly James' worst nightmare is about to come true - her cheating ex, who shattered her heart into a million pieces, will be attending her brother's engagement celebration with his new girlfriend, who is also Olly's ex-best friend. Determined not to...
