Invisible String - Jake Kiszka

If I Can Learn To Do It

I knew I was zoned out staring the the big curtain that hung off to the side of the stage. I might have even been a little cross eyed, who knows? I began to run through the boys who could replace Alex, naming them one by one. But every time I thought about them playing Dimitri, I dismissed them in my mind.

A hand on my shoulder knocked me out of zoned-out state. "Hey." Josh whispered as he sat in the chair next to me. "Hi." I whispered back, and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Did you get out of dinner okay?"

"Kinda." He said softly. "Mom gave me a hard time but Dad said it was fine." I nodded and closed my eyes but opened them as I heard Ms. Mintz dismiss all of the non-lead students.

"Okayyy!" She yelled from the stage into the auditorium as the extras cleared out. "I need my Anya and Vlad up here!"

I stood up and Josh gently held onto my wrist. I turned to look at him, and he merely winked at me and let me go. Giggling to myself, I made my way up the stairs on the side of the stage to meet Ms. Mintz and Jackson, the kid who played Vlad. It was his first year doing theatre and he actually wasn't half bad.

Ms. Mintz took a deep breath and placed both her hands on her hips while looking between us both. "Here's the deal guys." She began. My mouth went dry and my hands clammed up. She hadn't said anything to the other students about Alex or the fate of the play that day. "I- am not sure how all of this is going to pan out."

"Nobody knows Alex's part and the musical is set two weeks from tomorrow. If we haven't found a good replacement in the next five days... the shows over."

I let out a big breath that came out as half a sob and placed my face in my hands. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder, one that I knew had to be Ms. Mintz. "But we still have five days Gigi. It's not over until it's over." Dropping my hands I looked up at her. She used her other hand to wipe the two stray tears that I hadn't realized had fallen.

"That being said, we're still going to act as though the show will go on. You both are going to run through 'If I Can Learn To Do It' without Alex until you have it perfect. It seems to be the only one you're having trouble with Gigi, so we'll run through it until you have it down, sound good?" She smiled sympathetically down at me.

I nodded as she released her grip on my shoulders. "Good." She whispered to me. I could feel Josh's eyes on my face from the seats. I wouldn't dare look up at him as I knew I could break down at any moment. There was just a lot bouncing around in my head and pent up frustration bound to come out at some point.

Watching my feet carry me to stage left I heard Ms. Mintz count us in. "1, 2, 3..." The music began to play and I did my absolute best to go through the motions. Over and over again. For an hour.

I had to dance with the air instead of a partner and count numbers in my head to keep timing right instead of hearing Alex sing his lines. I was bad enough at dancing already and somehow I still managed to trip and stumble on nothing. No one would say anything to me, I knew that. They all felt like they were walking on eggshells. Even Ms. Mintz was cautious in her correction of my performance.

Halfway through what felt like the 700th run of the same song, I felt something in me snap. Whatever it was made me stop dancing and singing and crouch to the ground. Deep breaths felt like a vain effort to keep my composure. It was late, I was sleepy, I was angry, I was... every negative thing you could conjure up all at once.

The music stopped and I looked up at the people in the room with me. None of them wanted to look at me in the awkwardness of the moment. As if they knew if they looked at me the wrong way it would cause an eruption.

I stood and squinted down at Ms. Mintz through the stage lights, tears pricking the edges of my eyes. "I can't do-" I paused to take a deep breathe. "I can't do this without someone, Ms. Mintz. I can't. This is horrible."

She looked at me for a moment before slowly nodding her head. "Perhaps we've done enough for today." I barely heard her. I met Josh's eyes, filled with sympathy and sadness.

Suddenly he stood from his seat and walked over to Ms. Mintz. He grabbed her arm gently and began speaking at a rapid pace waving his arms from himself to the stage and to me, all in a hushed voice. Ms. Mintz shook her head and gave Josh a concerned look. She ran her hands through her hair and looked back at me over Josh's head. She put her hand on his shoulder which prompted him to stop talking. She let out a sigh and nodded. Josh spun around, his face beaming, before he ran around to the stairs and onto the stage.

I squinted my eyebrows at him in confusion. His eyes danced over my face while he breathed deeply. "What?" He laughed out at me, as if my confusion was irrational. "What do you mean 'what'?" I asked un-entertained. "I'm gonna help out and play Dimitri until you find someone else." He told me, acting as though I should obviously know that. He didn't say anything else, he only held my arms and looked at me.

~~~

A bit of a filler chapter but it's gonna get good here in the next chapter!!

xoxo,

violet