yes, chef ~ carmen berzatto

higher level

"morning" i walk into an unusually quiet kitchen "hey" carmen says while peaking in the oven. i walk to the lockers and start getting ready.

i change my shoes along with putting my apron on and putting my hair up "i need peppers and onions chopped along with fennel- also need you to keep on eye on the beef if i'm not keepin and eye on it. that's all we got today because lou got the pounds fucked up" he tells me as he sharpens this knife "got it" i grab my knives and head over to start the prep.

after an hour or more of cutting vegetables i set my knife down. i couldn't stand the silence between carmen and i "can we talk about what happened?" mikey's death has been the most avoided topic it seemed like "not right now. everyone is about to come in and i don't feel like hearing their two cents-" "you weren't the only one he didn't let back. he didn't want shit to do with me either- just don't want you to feel alone thinking you were the only one" i lift the two pound plastic container full of onions off the station and take it to the fridge.

before we knew it lunch rush has us hocked up to our asses in orders.

"corner!" i shout and i walk past carmen and wrap up a few more sandwiches next to him "hands!" he shouts while putting the plate up "hands!" i say, not as loud as carmen "hands! fucking hands!" "somebody answer me! hands! please!" he yells. sweeps comes through and takes the plates out "thank you!" carmen and i say in unison.

we got through lunch rush, leaving us to clean after. "why are we using toothbrushes chef?" marcus asks "constancy. you cant operate at a higher level without consistency" carmen tells him. i nod my head as i work on cleaning the smaller gas stove.

richie comes in and starts messing with carmen "oh and fuck noma too" he says "noma is the shit huh?" marcus asks, mainly looking at myself and carmen "the best" syd and i say at the same time.

i give her a fist bump as she cleans the vents above me "they teach you to operate at a level you didn't know you could operate at, marcus- and just so we're clear i wanted to work here, mike wouldn't let me" carmen tells richie.

"nooope. you went halfway around the word to learn all this fancy, useless fuckin bullshit. i went to west lawrence avenue-" "yeah and that's the problem. he went to DeVry!" i out richie "we're serious about success" marcus mocks the motto.

ebra walks in the kitchen in panic "the ice cream machine it's broken" his voice full of stress "DeVry teach you how to fix that?" carmen asks richie "that's a great question carmen- did they richie?" i smile like a smartass "both of you. go fuck yourselves" he grabs a few utensils before going to help ebra.

i laugh to myself. syd gets down and moves onto the other vents across the kitchen. carmen walks over and helps me take the grill off the stove "it's nice to be working with you again, chef" he says quietly.

i spray some more cleaner in the grooves of the stove "just wish it was under better circumstances" i do one last wipe down before moving to another part of the kitchen "motherfucker-" i go to move a pot from the other stove, only for it to still be piping hot "who the fuck left that on?!" i run to the sink to put cold water on my hand

"i fuckin' did that yesterday and told everyone to not. leave. the burner. on! got it?" carmen asks everyone who mumbles unhappy agreements. carmen grabs a plastic deli container and fills it with ice "here" he motions the container towards me.

i slap the faucet off and stick my hand in the ice "that was my mistake. sorry, jeff" tina says to carmen "who the fuck is jeff?" i lean in a whisper to carmen "i still don't fuckin' know" he runs a hand over his face before going back to clean. i sit out until my hand was in the clear to start cleaning again.

it wasn't long before it was closing time. a few more customers come in but nothing we couldn't handle. richie for once was helping with orders as i make them "hands" i say calmly as i start making another order "hands!" i try to grab richies attention who was now telling an uninterested tina some story we've all heard a hundred times.

"fuckin!- hands! richie!" i slam my hand on the metal bar "when i say hands that means take the order out before it gets cold. if this is 'your' restaurant act like it! do your job!" i finish up the last sandwich and put the plate up in the window "hands" i glare at richie before taking my gloves off and harshly throwing them in the trash.

i didn't say a word to anyone for the rest of the night. as soon as tina locked the front door for the night i headed to the lockers to grab my stuff "leaving already?" sweeps asks "if i have to hear one more word out of richies mouth so help me god-" "where is she when you need her? never fuckin here!" richie yells my way.

"i could say so much shit richie... so. much. shit." i walk up to him with my bag on my shoulder "like what?" he badgers me as if i wouldn't say anything "there's a reason why mikey left this place to carmen and not to you. it's the blatantly obvious reason that you just cant seem to grasp. i have done more in the past two days than i've ever seen you do here in your life. so i suggest you shut the actual fuck up for once, okay?" the silence in the room said enough.

not one of my words were a lie "and on that note. goodnight everyone" i brush past richie and carmen as i leave through the back door. i sit outside on the crates by the dumpster.

i grab my pack of cigarettes and open them to see my lighter missing "what the fuck-" "need a light?" carmen asks while walking out. he tosses me the lighter. i quickly use the flame and toss it back "someone needed to tell him" he says while resting a cigarette between his lips.

i take a drag from my cigarette "it's good to have you here- sydney too. you guys know the system. it's just them in there who need to get with the program" i nod my head at his words "marcus got with it. slowly but surely tina will and the rest of them will too it's just gonna take time" i ash my cigarette a couple of times before putting it between my lips for another drag.

"you know why he didn't let you back?" he asks me about mikey "know why he didn't let you?" i ask him. he shakes his head no "then i don't know either but i wish i did" my voice cracks slightly.

"i had called him the night before..." carmen's head turns towards me "w-what did you say?" he asks, his eyebrows knitted with confusion "i just had this pit- this sense that something was wrong. i couldn't figure it out so i called him out of everyone- i don't know why i just... i asked how he was doing, how this place was doing" i shrug my shoulders and motion to the restaurant in front of me.

"he sounded fine- like there wasn't a worry in the world. then the next morning i see it on the news" i talk with my hand as the other holds my cigarette "fuck" i clear my throat and wipe the inner corners of my eyes.

i throw my cigarette to the ground "i was supposed to be the one to call you and tell you. you weren't supposed to find out like that- i pussied out and i'm sorry" he flicks his cigarette across the fence behind him.

we both stand up at the same time "come here" he waves me over. i wrap him in our first hug since i've gotten back "i've missed my best friend" i could feel his heart rate pick up at my words "i've uh.. i've missed mine too" he buries his face down into my shoulder.

i dont know how much longer of richie i can take. but i do know i'm doing this for carmen.