Darkness' Touch

Chapter 52: A Plethora Of Feelings

"I won't refuse if you're okay with it." She then let the white-haired mage scoop her up, carrying her like a groom does his bride. He was quite awkward at first, but he eventually got the gist of it and held her properly. His left arm supported her back while the other one was curled under her bent knees. His hold was firm yet gentle as if she was a porcelain art piece that would break once dropped. 

They were both silent as the prince walked the brick pathway back to where they came from. Avy kept her arms to herself, refusing to hook them on her fiancé's neck for support. However, her own body betrayed her as she started to lean on the man's chest to rest. Although, before she could, Lucifer spoke. 

"Lady Avana is being honest." 

Avy was confused, not understanding the meaning behind the lightning mage's words. The silence she gave was taken by the prince as a sign to continue. 

"You have always forced yourself to be happy around me." Lucifer's voice was still as monotonous as ever, yet somehow, Avy was able to feel the slightest hint of hurt in it. She was stunned by his statement. He knew all along about what Avy felt about him every time they were together, yet he never once voiced it out. 

"What made you think that?" she asked, staring at nothing as she waited for him to reply. 

She felt the prince's grip weaken a little, "You never loved me, Lady Avana." 

Avy's eyes wavered faintly because of this; she was not able to answer right away. However, she decided to put herself together and looked up at the prince. 

"Do you love me then?" 

Lucifer's feet halted and stayed quiet for a moment. Avy did not see a slight change in his expression, but she already knew the answer before he could even give it. 

"I apologize..." were the only words he could muster to give as a reply.

"Why are you apologizing?" Avy looked at Lucifer with a strong gaze as the white-haired mage tried to hide his face by looking in another direction. 

"It is my responsibility to love you," he answered steadily as he stood still in his place. 

Avy breathed deeply before speaking again. "Love is not done out of responsibility. If you can't love someone, it's fine. Some people are not able to love romantically anyway. There's this thing called platonic affection, like with friends and family, and it's normal. You don't have to be sorry for not feeling something." 

Those words that she could never imagine telling another human being in her past life felt like it drained half of her remaining energy. Nevertheless, she felt like Lucifer needed to hear them the most as the novel often said that he hated himself for not being able to experience normal feelings like other people. He blamed himself all the time whenever he was alone, dreading his existence in itself.

She saw how Lucifer's eyes lit up after her statement. 

"Can we still be friends?" 

The prince's expression reminded Avy of a child.

"Can I still be your friend?" 

"Sure. Whatever." 

No. 

He reminded her of a certain child she met years ago. The girl who stayed by her side despite her rotten personality. The girl who held her hand when she pushed everyone away. 

"Sure, Your Highness." 

"Ridge..."  

Avy blinked in astonishment. That was his first name that he never let anyone address him with. Even Demi, who attempted to seize the chance of being the special someone who get to do so, was not given permission by the person himself.