DANCING WITH YOUR GHOST | KURT COBAIN

P R O L O G U E

This is my goodbye letter.

Now if you are reading this letter then I am dead. It's quite a simple concept to understand. I am no longer here. I am not part of the living. Know I can even tell you how I died but I can't tell you when I died, I can't see into the future. Now you are wondering to yourself how I even know the meaning of my death if I can't see into the future and the truth is that I been dying since I was 4 years now.

When I was 4 years old and after 9 tips to the hospital it was discovered that I have Cystic Fibrosis. What is Cystic Fibrosis? Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited condition in which the lungs and digestive system can become clogged with thick, sticky mucus. That is the fancy terminology that the doctor will use. To put it plain and simple, Cystic Fibrosis means that I am slowly will be chocking on my mucus where it will clog up my airways and I can no longer breathe. My body is shutting down and killing itself. People couldn't kill it suicide but isn't it?

I don't fear death but I fear time. Time is my enemy. Time is my achillies hill. Time is my nightmare. I fear how much time do I have left. How many more times will I get a kiss from my father on the forehead. How many more times will I get a hug from my best friend. How many more time will I be allowed to read a book. Time is the most terrifying part because you have no control of it. As human we believe that we can control everything but we aren't. That isn't reality. But it makes you thankful when you standing a cliff waiting for someone to push you. I am thankful all the little things. I am thankful that I have one more day or even hours to live my life. I am thankful to listen to music and go to the cinema.

How could I fear death when death has been my shadow. How can I fear death when I know I will be able to breathe again. How can I fear death when I will finally be returned with my brother. I think about the feeling often when I will see my brother again. I think about hugging him and wonder what he smell think. I think about what he might look like but most of all I think about how much I miss him. How can I fear death when it will reunite me with the person I have missed the most in my life. All the endless times I have spent crying over how much I miss him but finally I will see him again. That gives me hope that death won't be loneliness because the living are the loneliness people to world the earth.

I don't wish for people to pity me because I have lived a life that most people aren't lucky to have. I am the luckiest person in the world because I have been in love and know what love means. I am luckiest person because of my parents that I am I don't tell you how much I love and I miss you but most of all how much I grateful to you both. I am sorry all the times I made your life hard. I am sorry for being the disappointment because you both always wanted to save me but you can't. But I am not sorry for falling in love and I am not sorry that person is Kurt. He is the keeper of my heart and I don't wish to have it back if it doesn't belong to him.

To my, Kurt. Live your life my love. Live to fullest that you can possibly can do and knowing that even though you can't see me that I will always be by your side. Don't listen to what people will say about us because they don't know the truth. How can they when can't read our minds or know how we feel for each other. Only us. Have the strength to live with everything you can, everything you are and stay true to yourself. You believe that you don't deserve to be love but when in reality you deserve it the most. Dave and Krist look after him to soon but don't fear as we will return and I wait for that day.

I always tried and stay away from people when I was younger because I believed that what is the point of making friends when I know I don't have much time left. What was the point of making memories. Words can't express how thankful I am for you River and how I am so lucky to call you my best friend. I can't explain the pain of how much I miss you and how I can't wait for the day we returned together. I don't think I have forgotten about you, Cheyenne, my sunshine to my moonlight. The strongest person that I know and the bravest. I want you to know that I might have 5 blood sisters but you was the greatest sister one could ask for. Works can't express how thankful I am for you both and you opened up my heart, my eye, and my whole world and I love you both so much.

I am thankful for all my fans. I am thankful for everyone that has ever seen any of my films or my tv series. I am thankful for the kindness that you have given me and the strength to keep on going because I loved hearing your opinion of my films. But I want to remind you that it is important to not live with up to someone because of the way they look. Something that has effect me deeply over the last 3 years and upset me is how many people praise me on losing weight. I had no control over my weight loss and it was my illness. But no one should my body size because it isn't healthy. It was horrific to look this way because I was truly skin and bones. Turn to love yourself and your body. Everyone has something we dislike about ourselves but it's important to not become fixated on your insecurities. But remember to give love and kindness to everyone you meet because you have no idea that person story.

That is enough of me rambling on so it's time for me to say goodbye. Tell the ones you love that you love them and give them a hug. Don't feel sad about me being gone because my theory is everything you speak about the dead, you are lighting up their memories.

Love always, Maggie Alexandra Newman.