Pay Attention to Me

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Gerard wiggled himself between the blankets, excited for bedtime. Bedtime meant snuggles and stuffies. He was always excited for bedtime.
But Frank was not there to faithfully greet him like he usually was. This was the third time this week and Gerard knew he as busy but this was ridiculous.
He waited a few more minutes, the cutesy clock in his bedroom telling him that it was now ten minutes past bedtime. If Frank was ever late, he definitely always showed up before ten minutes of Gee waiting.
He pouted, hopping out of bed and shuffling out the door towards Frank's office. He tugged his teddy bear along with him, one limb in his grasp.
He approached the door, wary of Daddy's office because it was almost always a no-no space unless Gerard asked permission. But Gerard knew he wouldn't be punished if he told Daddy that he was in the wrong.
He sucked his thumb, contemplating if Frank would look up and notice the time and come to tuck him in, finally. But no, after a few minutes there were just scratching sounds of a pencil and light breathing. Frank didn't notice him, so he entered, eyes wide and just a little bit paranoid.
"Oh, hey pumpkin. It's that time?" he asked, glancing at the clock.
Gerard nodded, sucking his thumb harder. Frank smiled at his silent disposition, ruffling his hair as he passed to go to Gee's bedroom.
Gerard relished the attention but it was not enough. It was not enough in a span of a week that Frank never noticed his care was dropping with all the work that was piling. Daddy's business (that Gerard was not supposed to really know about but totally did) was getting bigger and bigger. The drug economy was booming.
That's what Frank did. He had told him, right off the bat, so early in their relationship that it was before they introduced their kinks to each other. But Gerard wasn't supposed to know anymore than just the surface. But, after a little prying, he knew that Frank specialized in clubs and coke. He knew that he had an empire and if Gerard went outside by himself he would probably be killed.
But he didn't mind. He loved Frank. He didn't love the scarcity of attention though.
Gerard followed Frank, silent and sucking his thumb, trying to keep from crying because Frank wasn't saying anything, just acting methodically. He wasn't acting like he was tired of it, per say, but he was acting like ever other generic bedtime. A more silent than the generic bedtime, but generic nonetheless.
Frank himself was thinking of nothing but business. Did they get that shipment out? Did the authorities catch on? How much was he making from his side dealing in ecstasy?
Gerard's lipped wobbled as he got into bed, he was losing composure because Frank was not looking at him, he was looking around him, through him. But his hazel eyes were busy on everything but him.
Gerard laid back, letting Frank tuck him in, taking a better hold on his stuffie as he turned toward the wall. He didn't want to look at Frank right now.
Frank turned off the light, rubbing his side for a second, going to kiss his cheek.
"Goodnight, kitten. I'll be in later," he said, leaving and letting the door close.
His footsteps faded.
He hadn't even told him he loved him.
Gerard started to cry, holding himself against his stuffie and his pillow. He let himself cry into the pillow, shaking and letting his tears and snot rub against the soft cotton fabric. The pillow muffled his sobs but he was still scared he would get caught.
Frank didn't get angry when he cried, that would be silly. But it was definitely embarrassing having to tell Frank his problems. His petty fucking problems.
He sobbed harder into his pillow, body shaking as he curled into himself.
He was so pathetic, he didn't need attention all the time. He had even gotten some today, him and Daddy cuddled for a while. They watched a movie together.
Of course it was just Gerard laying his head in Frank's lap as he did paperwork. There were occasional fingers in his hair as he watched the movie. It was meager attention but it was attention.
Gerard continued to cry into the pillow, holding it closer to his face so Frank wouldn't hear.
It was probably impossible for him to, from all the way down in his office but if he was to go anywhere down the hall a few meters he would hear Gerard. At least, vaguely.
He looked up from his pillow, towards the door when he heard footsteps. He sucked in his breath, terrified that Frank was to hear.
The door opened. "Hey, baby, are you okay? I thought I heard something," he said. He was concerned, his body silhouetted in the light and the dark.
Gerard giggled, acting like he was okay because he didn't want to admit that he was needy. "Silly, Daddy. I was just talking to my stuffies."
"Go to bed, kitty," Frank scolded.
Gerard nodded. "Yes, daddy," he obeyed, turning his head back to the pillow.
Gerard went back to crying as Frank left. He was as silent as possible, shoving his face further into the pillow. Frank couldn't hear, he musn't hear.
A few minutes later he felt a hand on the back of his head.
Gerard yanked up, panicking. "Sorry, sorry! Sorry, Daddy, I'll go to bed," he said.
Frank just wrapped his hands around Gerard, pulling him closer.
"Why is baby sad? Why is kitty crying?" he asked, stroking his hair with his fingers.
Gerard looked up at Frank, holding him and looking down in concern.
"Is kitty okay?" he asked.
Gerard gulped. "Sorry, Daddy," he said meekly.
"Is kitty okay?" he repeated.
Gerard sighed. "Do you love me?" he asked, lip trembling.
"Of course, God, so much, I love you, so much," Frank said.
"What's this about, baby?" Frank said. His eyes were misting over, he hated to see his baby cry. He cried when Gerard did, too. Every single time.
"Do you want me? Do you still think I'm pretty?" he asked.
Frank's eyes went softer. Gerard was getting self conscious. "Yes! So much, baby. You are the prettiest thing Daddy has ever seen," he said, fondly staring down at his baby.
"You were late for bedtime, daddy," he reminded Frank.
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I know. I lost track of time," he said.
"You were late three times this week," he reminded him again. He was somber, staring at a more guilty by the second Frank.
"Sorry, baby, I've been busy," he said.
"I know, daddy. I don't blame you."
"You were crying," Frank said.
"I was lonely."
"Don't be lonely, Daddy's got you. I love you," Frank said cuddling his baby.
"I know. I love you, too," Gerard said, kissing his cheek.
"Go to bed, baby, Daddy will cuddle with you," Frank promised.
Gerard smiled, lazily. Now it was way past the time he would fall asleep and he was getting tired. He turned over onto his side, letting Frank cuddle him, nestling his head over Gerard's.
Gerard held his hands in Frank's, letting Frank completely engulf him.
"Tell me you love me," Gerard commanded softly, letting his face swipe over Frank's hands.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," Frank whispered as he fell asleep. He whispered it nonstop, soft and deep in his ear.
His daddy was the best. His daddy paid him loads of attention. He probably should have just asked, but at least he got his cries out.
Gerard buried closer into Frank, tuckered out but happy.
Gerard let himself lull into sleep, soft breathing and soft smile on his face.

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