Ugly Perfections

Mother

Wearily, I knock on my mothers door, I felt the weight of uncertainly begin to settle.

My hands shook so hard I almost dropped the plate of food I had bought her.

I managed to stock the fridge, and spent extra time on breakfast today.

It took ages, but I got it as perfect as I could.

I have to do this.

When I don't hear and answer I slowly open the door. Her back was faced to me when I walk in.

I could almost smell the guilt and despair in the air, this scene had become far too familiar. 

"Mum, can I come in?" I ask softly 

"Yes, of course" she says weakly 

As I walked further into the room, the heavy silence enveloped us both. "I brought you food" 

Her back was turned to me, hunched and motionless. It was only until I sat down next to her, that she finally faced me. 

Seeing her in that fragile state, so tired and broken, stirred a storm of emotions within me. It was as if a part of my own heart had shattered alongside hers.

The first thing I notice is her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes, that were once so full of light and love has gone completely dim. And her facial features...once radiating warmth, had grown pale and drawn, as if drained of vitality.

And the darkened crescents beneath her eyes like smudges of exhaustion and despair. They spoke volumes about the sleepless nights, the restless hours spent in the solitude of her grief-stricken world.

 I wanted to wrap her in a warm embrace, to remind her that she was not alone, but the weight of her sadness seemed impenetrable. 

She is in so much pain and it hurts my heart to see her like this. A deep ache in my heart for the woman that had nurtured me, loved me. 

Now it was my turn. 

I force a smile when I hand her the tray with a stack of fluffy pancakes. I had taken extra care this morning, carefully arranging the chocolate chips in the shape of a smiley face, "I bought your favourite." 

As the scent of warm pancakes wafted through the air, I watched her gaze shift from the floor to the tray in my hands.

 For a single moment, her eyes softened, a hint of surprise mingling with the sorrow that clung to her features.

 It was a small victory, a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this small gesture could break through the walls of her grief.

"Thank you" she said as I carefully set the warm pancakes on her lap, her fingertips tracing the outline of the smiley face

Though her eyes remained shadowed and her smile fragile, I clung to the belief that this moment held the potential to ignite a spark of healing within her wounded spirit.

And for once, a warm feeling shot through me. My sisters enjoyed their breakfast, my mother was finally eating.

Even though there wasn't enough for me, the thought alone that I had finally done something right, filled me with so much joy. 

"Um, I know you didn't ask but Naomi, Sam and I were invited to a new school. A really cool one too. But, don't worry the nice man offered to pay for everything." I reassure her, and myself 

Her eyes remain on the plate, but I swear I see a shadow of a smile tug on the side of her lips.

"I'm still working of course, but this school will be good for us. I promise to be careful." I say