Run

Chapter 1: Believe It's Hard To Let Go

"GO AHEAD AND WALK OUT ON ME AND EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU! GOOD LUCK FINDING A PLACE TO GO AND FINDING SOMEONE ELSE THAT WILL FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

I filled a small duffel bag as fast as I could with clothes and toiletries. I ran down the stairs, tears and blood streaming down my face while trying to drown out the insults I've heard a thousand times. My husband was in the bedroom cursing and breaking things as I rushed out the door with no shoes on and jumped into my car.

He was right, I have nowhere to go and nobody that will take care of me. I've never met my father and my mom died a month after my 21st birthday. I never knew my extended family. My mother had a strained relationship with her parents and siblings, so I never got the chance to meet them. I don't think they even know I exist.

The same year my mother died was the same year I met my husband, John. That was exactly one month after her death. He was twenty years my senior with an enchanting personality that swept me off my feet. He was a bachelor, with a stable income and a house of his own. He would shower me with gifts and flowers every day since I first met him as an intern for the same company he worked for. Two months later, we were married. We had a small private wedding and had our honey moon on a private island in the Maldives.

"You're with me now. I made a vow to protect you and love you. I made a vow to spoil you and make you happy. You have no idea how safe I'll keep you". Those words were said to me on the first night of our honey moon, while we were having sex for the first time.

I never had sex before because I wanted to wait until marriage. I wanted my first time to be a special moment between my husband and I. This made John crazy for me. He respected my choice and wanted the honor to take my virginity. He slowly inserted his penis as he whispered those words into my ear. I whimpered each time he slowly got deeper inside me. "Shhh shhh. It's okay baby, I'll be as gentle as possible. I'll take care of you". "You promise?", I asked. "Yes baby, I promise".

The first moments were painful but he constantly reassured me and loved on me. It was a perfect moment. "Fuck baby, I'm all the way in now. You did such a good job taking my dick baby". Tears were streaming down my face because I was hurting. "Hey hey don't cry baby. The hard part is over now. It will feel good I promise, I'll go as slow as you want me too". He was right, it did feel good. It was still a little painful but I enjoyed every moment of our sex.

I'll never forget the words he said to me after he came. "Fuck I came so hard. You did such a good job for me baby. You made me the luckiest man in the world being able to take your innocence. I get to keep it forever. I get to keep you forever. You're mine now". At that moment I felt so loved and so important. I was blessed with the most wonderful husband that loves me for me.

But now I'm running away from him, barely eight months after our wedding day. My world was crumbling around me. The only person I loved and trusted hurt me. He hurt me repeatedly for seven months. He hurt me so bad that sometimes I thought he was trying to kill me. Tonight he abused me harder than ever. He punched and kicked me and threw me around the bedroom for what felt like hours. He slammed my face against the dresser giving me a bloody nose. It's my birthday and he was upset about how "revealing" my birthday dress was. He would only let me wear my "revealing" clothes around the house, so only he could see me in them.

"Yeah you wanna go out dressed like a little slut for other men? Who else have you been fucking, huh? Am I not good enough for you? COME HERE! I'll show you what happens to slutty disobedient wives like you!"

I was supposed to go out to dinner with a couple of friends he barely lets me see. He made me cut off all contact with most of my friends. He only let me see my close friends four times since we had been married. He controlled everything I did. He would check my phone anytime he wanted to make sure I wasn't contacting my friends too much or cheating on him, which he accused me of doing every time he was upset. I was never allowed to leave the house without him. I was too embarrassed to ask my friends for help. I didn't want them to see me like this. I didn't want them to know the type of person John really was. I didn't want them to know that my marriage was far from perfect, that my perfect life was a lie. I didn't want John to get in trouble. I wanted to protect him from consequences. I loved him. I love him.

I'm scared of him, but I hate that I have to say goodbye. I hate that the only way I'll be safe is by leaving him. I don't want to. I want to run into his arms and be fucked by him while he whispers to me that everything will be okay. Even with all the abuse, the forgiving, the fucking, the fighting, I still want him.

But now it's time to let go. It's time to take care of myself. It's time to be free. It's time to run.