Smells Like School Spirit

chapter eight.

"Eh, I'm just asking, it is up to you if you want to tell me the story or not," Aran added as he scratched the back of his head. "But anyone can see that she means a lot to you."

The match ended with Atsumu's team winning, but it was Suna who managed to score the winning point with him blocking Omimi's spike. Both Mai and Aran watched Reina who immediately scrambled up from the bench to pick up water bottles for the boys.

"I told you, she's good with this," Mai said, her eyes still following Reina who just dashed out of the gym to probably fill up the water bottles. "I can never run that fast without fainting. Well, I am working on my stamina, but it is not easy to build up what I have lost.

"As for my story with Reina...it is probably full of the pettiness of female friendship that you're not used to."

Aran just blinked, affirming Mai's assumption that he would not understand. But she did not expect him to, so she let out a smile. "It's fine, Ojiro-san, but let me tell you. It is a long story. And it is a hundred percent my fault that there is a huge rift between us. I take full blame for that."

"Wow."

"What?" Mai asked, raising her perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"I rarely hear someone take full blame for something without offering even an ounce of excuse."

"Ojiro-san, you probably spend way too much time with the twins," Mai retorted with a smile. She loosened her grip on her knees and let her legs slid down to the floor. "But I am way past the denial phase."

"Denying that you're the one at fault?"

"Yeah, denying that I am the one who is responsible for anything that is happening to me," Mai answered and she could barely contain the surprise for the lack of malice and bitterness in her as she said it. "I almost died, you know."

She found herself spilling out the bottled feelings and stories that she had yet to share with anyone but her talent manager, Touka. It was just so easy to be honest with him. He did not need to be anything other than himself to coax the truth out of her and somehow, it planted seeds of doubts and fear in her heart. Alongside the warmth that started to spread across her whole being.

This time, she was met with surprise on his face. Rounded eyes, jaw almost dropping to the floor, but at least there was no pitying gaze. Not yet at least.

"Reina saved my life, by calling up the ambulance and did chest pumps and CPR to keep my heart beating before the paramedics showed up," Mai continued, her gaze trained forward and not once did she look at Aran-kun. She could not bear it to see his eyes. "I was fourteen when my heart stopped, all because I don't want to eat. I'm tired of listening to the terms, but if you are curious, yes I suffered from ED. Eating Disorder. Well, anorexia nervosa if you wanted to be specific. I still am, I guess, since it's almost two years since I've been on treatment. I used to blame Reina for calling out for help, making me have to face the fact that I am well on my way into self destructing myself. I have to go to a rehab facility for several months. These days I am still on treatment and recovery is as difficult as one might think it is to rid yourself of a bad habit. A life threatening habit you cultivate just because you think you're not pretty enough for the world.

"You don't have to say anything, Ojiro-san," her voice was a little bit shaky, but she chose to go on. She needed to be honest to at least someone other than herself, just to make it real. "I just feel comfortable enough to share it with you. I blamed Reina for saving my life because she makes me face the truth. I said many cruel things to her just because back then it was easier to blame her than it is to blame myself. Only after I've reflected on myself just how stupid I was. Well, I still am stupid, if you ask me. She always makes everyone around her face the ugly truths nobody wants to see, but only now did I see that is just part of her being. It is selfish of me to not understand why she was so desperate to keep me alive, but I don't have the right to tell you that story. It belongs to her."