Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

You bring your Issues

Only minimal his fingertips come against my neck again and keep on moving over the sensitive spot. "Prove to me, that you hate me, prinsessa.", he lays the most value on the last word and even if his voice is only a mumble now, he manages to make me freeze.

I would just love to push him away from me right now, shout at him and maybe even slap him, but it doesn't work. I can't do any of those things. The way with which he manages to make me do exactly what he wants, manipulate me and do exactly the opposite what I had actually promised myself to do, exactly that let's me do something that I really never wanted to do again.

I get closer and get rid of the last few millimetres between us. With the second that our lips meet eachother his hand runs up to the back of my neck and pulls me closer towards him. It doesn't even take a second until our lips start moving and even when I actually don't want it, I begin to move mine synchronic to his. Automatically my hand places itself on his chest and his hand wanders from the back of my neck into my hair. The kiss stays gentle, slow, but intense at the same time.

My lips begin to feel numb, as Joel sneakily let's his tongue glide over it. His thumb separates from my hair and begins to slide up and down the side of my neck so he always touches the one sensitive spot there that drives me crazy.

Only in the moment where his touch makes me feel a certain way, a feeling I haven't felt in the last six years, I notice in which situation I actually got myself. In that second I come back to my senses and immediately bring a distance between our lips again.

In the moment that I only stare at the floor in shock my heart beats faster than ever and breathing gets harder not least from the kiss. It's just a feeling, that woke me up, that brought me back into the here and now.

I hold my hand infront of my mouth totally overwhelmed and run my thumb over my bottom lip, which is a little swollen, in secret. I only see Joel, wo is sitting next to me with a big grin and looking at the group, in the corner of my eye. "Fulfilled the dare!", he says and smiles.

As hard as I try to get rid of those thoughts in the next moment and try to be back in the here and now, I stay to myself for the next minutes.

Somehow I see everything in slow-motion and hear everything so quiet, that you nearly have to guess what is said. Even in the moment that Joonas comes out of the bathroom grinning with cold-wax stripes in his hands, because Niko got the dare to shave his legs, my expression doesn't change.

Even in the moments when Joonas and Joel put the wax stripes on Niko's legs while laughing their heads off and then keep pretending to rip them off, they don't get rid of the uncomfortable feeling I am having. The singer's expression is frightened as the two blond boys keep pretending to rip off the wax stripes. And when Joonas suddenly peels off the first strip of wax, the Finn screams loudly and grabs his leg in pain.

Just when he seems to have calmed down a bit, Joel also tears the strip of wax off the other leg. Niko's scream is a lot higher this time than the first one, to which everyone bursts out laughing. Everyone, except for me. While the five boys lie on the floor laughing and look in amazement at the peeled wax strips and Niko's two hairless spots on his lower legs, I sit motionless and silent in one and the same place.

The only thought that finds its way through my head is the feeling that woke me up, which I almost allowed. My entire attitude was broken within a couple of moments. I was forced to do something that I had refused to do just a few seconds before, and I don't know if it was coercion or not. After all, I kissed him. I allowed the disaster to happen and it's my fault that I could feel it.

On the other hand, however, it is not my fault. Joel was the person who made me do it. If he hadn't played with my feelings and known exactly what he had to do to change my mind, I would never have kissed him. That's for sure.