Enough

Tiring Days

Wooyoung got out of the shower he barely even wanted to get into. A towel wrapped around his lower half while he dried his hair with a smaller one. His body felt refreshed but he couldn't help but feel mentally drained. Wooyoung was conflicted.

On the one hand he loved his boyfriend. He loved being near him, loved sharing an apartment. Chan was part of his life and he couldn't imagine what it would be like living on his own, without him by his side. Not being able to call or text him. Him not being part of his daily routine.

On the other hand he had enough. He started looking for affection in others. No, he was not a cheater. But he remained in embraces longer, tried touching people as much as he could and despised happy couples, wondering why he couldn't have the same. Guiltily so he imagined kissing someone else, being with someone else... romantically and physically.

He groaned, throwing the towel on the floor and leaning over the bathroom sink. Small drops of water gliding across his face and joining his tears. He felt bad. He felt like a cheater even when he hadn't done anything to be accused as such. But was it wrong? Looking for something outside of the relationship since he couldn't get it through Chan? In his mind they weren't a couple anymore. Rather good friends living in a shared apartment.

He had voiced his concerns more than once towards Chan. How he feared separating. What he was missing in their relationship. Wooyoung even tried giving some options on what to do and phrased his concerns in a way to not offend Chan.
Chan said he understood, he hadn't noticed how bad his behaviour affected the  boy and apologized. Still he did nothing to make things better. And that was incredibly frustrating.

Wooyoung sniffled and looked up towards the small bathroom mirror. He looked awful.

"Get it together..."

Rolling his eyes he took a deep breath before he let the second towel fall to the floor and left the bathroom.
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He wasn't supposed to start working until 5pm but since there was no one trying to spend time with him at home he went to work right away. Hoping to distract himself through dance.

Sipping on his big jug of iced americano he reached JYP Entertainment at 10am.
Wooyoung wore his favorite pair of grey joggers, black converse, a black baggy shirt and his signature baseball cap.

Walking up the stairs he passed the musician's floor. He frowned, his heart starting to ache. All the way down the hallway was Chan's office. Pondering whether he should go visit him or not he took out his phone and checked for messages. None. Going through his chat with Chan he noticed that his boyfriend was online. But did he text the black haired man? Of course not.

Wooyoung huffed, slipped his phone back into his pocket and headed towards the dancer's floor.
He scheduled his current crew to meet him a few hours earlier to get some work done but until then he still had the practice room by himself. So he used his free time to work on his solo.
Before lunch he took some notes on what he planned on working on today.

There was a highlighted sentence in his notebook saying "new arrival".
Wooyoung gave himself a light smack on the forehead. Of course... a guy wanted to join the crew today. A former trainee who shared practically the same opinion as Wooyoung; being an Idol is way too time consuming and tiring. He wondered what the new arrival could add to their crew and how fast of a learner he could be.

Around 4pm he decided to finally start dancing. Plugging in the phone he selected a calming song for his warm up and stretching session before putting his phone on airplane mode.
He closed his eyes and tried focusing on the music but his mind started to wander.
No...he didn't think about the new guy. He thought about Chan.

"Is he ignoring me? Did he even see me on the balcony this morning? He must have...right? Where else would I've been? Should I text him first?"

Annoyed at himself he cut the warm up session short and immediately switched to a more rhythmic type of music.
Sped up notes filled the practice room as Wooyoung started to create a new choreography for himself. Recently he had joined some workshops on contemporary and krumping so he tried incorporating those styles as well. Getting lost in the music and letting out any type of emotion he felt. Anger, pain, confusion, love, fear.

You don't know the hell I've been through, you don't know the price I've paid...

Everything he had kept inside finally came out through his movements.
Big gestures, his feet moving swiftly from side to side, dropping down onto the floor, kicking himself up again, grabbing his shirt and pulling himself towards the mirror.

Nobody help me, I'm not cold I'm empty.
Somebody heal me hold me make me know me, hate me. No one can love me, inside my lonely. Someone won't feel me show me make me, know me..

He paused. His chest rising and falling rapidly. Wooyoung looked himself in the eyes. He hadn't noticed how badly he was crying.

The music slowly came to an end. The room around him began to spin. His vision became blurry and he started to see small black dots while focusing not to pass out.
That was until he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He mentally scolded himself.

"I'm here."

The voice belonged to his best friend Yeosang. He was one of the first dancers in Wooyoung's new crew and they became close very quickly. Even though Yeosang was his best friend he didn't know anything about Wooyoung's current problems. Why? Because he'd rather deal with it by himself than cry about it to his bestie.

"Sorry..."

Wooyoung mumbled. Involuntary wiggling himself free from Yeosang's hug. He would've wanted nothing more than to stay there forever but that would be suspicious, he thought to himself.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Yeosang placed a hand on Wooyoung's shoulder and tried getting him to look him in the eyes. But the younger one avoided his gaze at all costs.

"No worries, I got way too into it."

He distanced himself from the other male and headed over to grab some water.

"Why are you here anyways? I told you guys to be here at 5pm."

He said wiping off his sweaty forehead with his shirt, exposing the lower part of his abs.

"It is 5:30pm to be exact and the others are waiting outside but you were so into it. You haven't noticed us when we opened the door. So, I told them to wait until you were done."

Wooyoung's eyes widened. He turned away from Yeosang and picked up his phone. Indeed it was 5:30pm. He hadn't noticed how much time had gone by, dancing to the same song over and over again until it became a part of him.
He switched off airplane mode and immediately a few messages popped up. His mom, Yeosang and... Chan.

Contemplating whether to open it or not his fingers lingered over the chat. He didn't want to get distracted once again since the others were here already. But what if it was something important...?

A few seconds passed before he put the phone aside and gave Yeosang an apologetic smile.

"Let's get started. Call them in"

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Author's note: Guuuuys don't worry. San will be there soon.
Ah and this is the song I'm referring to: Empty by Letdown