Meant To Be

Infinity

And I think about her all the time

My wildflower, my ray of light

The shadows that you left are on my mind

My wildflower, my exit sign

- Wildflower, from FOUR's fourth album, Already Gone

On Saturday, I go to the library and wander around campus and get a truly impressive amount of homework done. Holland sends me pictures of him and the boys doing stupid stuff, stories that have to be at least half-way made up because there's no way they've actually done half the shit they claim to.

There's a particular video that makes me laugh so hard I nearly cry and almost gets me kicked out of the library, of Holland and Noah and Will on the beach, Ever filming the three of them attempting to make some sort of a cheerleading pyramid.

At least that's what I think they're trying to do, with little to no success - at one point, for some reason, Will has Noah on his shoulders - at least until Holland barrels into them and all three of them end up in a pile on the sand.

At the end, Holland wrestles Ever for the phone and whispers into it, "Wish you were here, Cass," eyes crinkled up into a smile and voice hoarse from shouting.

I've got a permanent smile on my face, and I'm sure Darya and Soph have noticed, but they haven't asked. Anya must have got the details from Maggie, because she just keeps sending me these knowing looks. It's hard to care.

Sunday, I run errands - go grocery shopping, and imagine that Holland is there with me. It's only after I've spent at least ten minutes staring at the juices and wondering what his favourite kind is when I cave and call him.

"'Lo?" he says, and he sounds half asleep. I realize suddenly that I didn't even think about the time differences - to be honest, I don't even know exactly where he is right now.

"God, I'm sorry," I blurt out. "I - what time is there? I didn't even think, I just - I wanted to talk to you."

"No," he says, sounding more awake immediately. "No, it's like the middle of the day here, we're just on the bus and - I fell asleep I guess."

There's a voice in the background, teasing and light. Noah, I think.

"Really?" Holland says, clearly to the other person talking.

"Was that Noah?" I can't help but ask, even though it feels sort of like I'm breaking some sort of rule, like we have some sort of tactic agreement not to acknowledge the world outside of the two of us.

But Holland doesn't seem to mind. "Yeah," he says. "I guess I've been asleep for like, three hours. Definitely - " he breaks off into a yawn. "Definitely didn't mean too, I was supposed to be working on some lyrics."

"You probably needed the rest," I say firmly. "You shouldn't feel bad."

"Mmm," he says, almost absentmindedly, clearly still waking up. "What's going on with you?"

"Grocery shopping," I say, in the produce section now, picking up an apple and dropping it again. "Nothing interesting. You?"

"No - " Holland says, before getting cut off by Noah again. I can't make out his words. "Oh, yeah, Noah nearly ripped his whole foot off, which was lovely and wonderful and definitely didn't almost give me a heart attack. Idiot boy," he says, with so much fondness it almost makes my heart ache.

"I don't remember seeing any clips of that," I say, assuming that it happened at a concert - but I think I would've heard.

"You'd think it would be on stage, wouldn't you?" Holland laughs. "But no, he tripped coming down the stairs from the bus. Just a sprain, lucky lad, and if he wears long pants the wrap isn't even noticeable."