Dream // Van McCann

26. I Finally Understand

"É delicioso," Mia replied. It seemed like she was more concerned about the food than the conversation which was a relief.

"All my life, I've been a good daughter. I listened to them and did as I was told. The moment I did something that felt right to me, all of that went out the door. They told me such terrible things. That he wouldn't stay with me, that I was too young to be a mom, and so on. They made me feel terrible.

"When I was hiding, I felt awful. I missed my parents so much and would cry myself to sleep every night wondering if I made the right decision. How could they not support me? And then one day, I stopped crying because I was angry at them. Angry that they didn't think Rafael would be a good dad and angry that they didn't think I would be a good mom. I wanted to prove them wrong.

"And of course, things got better with time. I didn't miss them as much and now I barely think about them. I still love them and wonder what they're up to but I honestly think it's better if they think I'm dead." She said the last part softly, fully aware that her daughter was listening.

"Your situation reminds me of mine," Florence spoke up. She was so quiet, I'd almost forgotten she was sat right next to me. "I don't have a good relationship with my parents either but for different reasons. Long story short—they were very conservative and critical. I could never do anything right in their eyes. It was a nightmare living with them and I suffered from confidence issues because of them. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out and never looked back. That is until my sister found me and told me my mom has stage 4 lung cancer." Clara's eyes softened and she reached out slowly to place her hand over Florence's. Florence stared at Clara's hand.

"I'm sorry," Clara said softly.

"I'm alright but thank you." Florence blinked rapidly. "My sister said that my mom wanted to see me before she died and I just didn't know what to do. My mom was never nice to me but she's my mom, y'know? I only have one mom. And then Van was nice enough to come with me to make sure everything was okay. I imagine it'll be the same for you too and it might not be as bad as you think." Clara pulled back her hand.

"How long has it been since you've seen your parents?" Clara asked.

"About 10 years."

"How did the encounter go?"

Florence looked at me hesitantly then spoke. "The last thing I expected was for my mom to go after Van if I'm telling the truth." I was reminded of what happened and still don't know how upset she was with me. Clara, on the other hand, was curious.

"What do you mean?"

It was clear that Florence was embarrassed. "I told her Van was my boyfriend and she noticed how Van had an accent so she asked where he was from. When she found out he wasn't American, she accused him of being with me just to get citizenship. My mom is very...narrow minded, you see, and that's putting it nicely." She paused to drink some water.

"Well, Van wouldn't take it and basically told her off. You should've been there! I've never seen anyone talk back to her like that. She got upset and kicked us out," she continued. "But that's not the point. The point is that despite all that, I was happy that I went and I actually want to visit them again."

I turned to look at Florence. "You do?" I asked.

"Yes and we're not leaving until she likes you," she said with a devious smile. The thought of facing her mum again made me nervous. What was I going to say? I'm not apologizing because I've not said anything wrong! But I guess I shouldn't have put her on the spot like that and embarrass her in front of family.

"Why do you want to see them again?" Clara asked. It was clear she couldn't fathom why anyone would want to go back after that.

"For years, I thought I'd never amount to anything, and then time passed, and I started to get the hang of life. I'm not perfect but I'm proud of how far I've come and I just want my parents to see that I did just fine without their help. It's not to rub it in their face though, more so to prove to myself that I survived, and even if they're not proud of me, I am and that's what matters." Clara's situation is different from Florence's but she was still happy for her regardless. You could see the awe and respect on her face.

"Someday, you'll learn to be proud of yourself and realize there's nothing to fear," Florence continued. "And you'll never be alone. You've got Rafael and your daughter Mia by your side." Clara looked down at her plate in thought and then looked at Florence.

"Thank you for that," she said quietly.

Although Clara is quiet, it's not like nothing's happening. In fact, a lot is happening in that head of hers. She tends to overthink and is quite analytical, liking to go over things in her head before doing something. The rest of dinner was quiet but not in an uncomfortable way. It was more of a reflective manner. My hope was that her conversation with Florence struck a chord with her. Maybe I can't get through to her but Florence can.

When Florence and I got back to the hotel, the first thing she did was sit on the bed and lay down with her arms stretched over her head. Today wasn't even busy but the nerves over dinner tired us out. I stayed put by the door watching her. When she noticed I was unusually quiet, she sat up and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Why're you just standing there, you weirdo," she teased, smiling slightly.

"I was just thinking," I replied, not moving from my spot.

"About what?"

"How nice that conversation you had with Clara was. Thank you for that." At this point, Florence gave up on lying down and was now fully sitting up.

"Oh, you're still thinking about that? It was nice, wasn't it? I don't know her that well or her history but I know what it's like to fear your parents. I've been there before."

I made my way over to Florence and sat down beside her. The bed dipped from my weight and Florence immediately rested her head on my shoulder.

"What do you think of her?" I asked out of curiosity. I've never had my girlfriend meet my ex before. I thought it'd be tense but the dinner actually went well.

"She's really nice. I can see why you love her." I tried to not get hung up on how she said "love" instead of "loved" but I couldn't sense any malice or jealousy in her tone.

"What do you mean by that?"

I leant down to kiss the top of her head and she looked up, batting her eyes and puckering her lips for a kiss. I laughed and gave in, kissing her gently on the lips. She still tasted of piri-piri chicken and the strawberry lipgloss she wore and I couldn't help but smile against her lips.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Nowt," I said, figuring it was best not to say. "You didn't answer my question." Florence looked away.

"You're gonna think I'm an awful person for saying this but I'll just say it. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous about meeting her. I wanted to find a reason not to like her but couldn't. She's so sweet. All I want to do is help her.

"At first, I didn't understand the love that you had for her. I was worried you'd go back to her but I don't sense any of that with you. This love, it's different. There's something that binds the both of you together. You'll always be a part of each other's lives but you're both not quite right for each other, if that makes sense. I think that's what you've been trying to tell me and now I finally understand it."