YOU & ME | JENLISA

Chapter 7

Lisa

There was damage to my skin, shadows of a beating lay there like I was the canvas to an artist's painting. The story of the work perceived in many different ways by many different people, so many eyes judging me. I see their fear, I see their blame, I see their disgust and I feel their angst.

Nah, in the grand scheme of things, high school was alright. I mean, it could have been worse.

Nobody ever felt brave enough to challenge me. They avoided eye contact, walked the other way and gave me the silent treatment. Being lonely at school was the least of my problems, I didn't need friends. I had my mom and Bambam but if I'm being completely honest sometimes, school was an escapism.

Every now and then, I would set my focus on my lesson, pretending that I was just a normal teenager with normal teenage problems. Like trying to talk to the girl that I like.

"Jen always gets all the hot guys."

My eyes drifted over to their table and I licked over the bumpy scab on my lip. It had a metallic taste but felt like poison spreading through my veins, reminding me of how unworthy my messed up life was compared to all the 'hot guys' that Jennie gets.

She giggled sweetly with her friends, a blush kissing her cheeks. It was the kind of blush that showed the delicate sweetness of her soul. That her smile and shyness came from somewhere deep within. Jennie was pure, a flower opened up to everyone. The exact opposite of me.

She's the only one around here that doesn't look at me with hatred in her eyes, perhaps fear but definitely no hate. She sees the good in people, accepts the bad and strives to better the difficult.

"You know Taehyung has a massive crush on you? He told me so himself."

"Jackson asked her out this morning too, he's totally hot. I'm so jealous."

"Oh my God guys, will you stop. You're embarrassing me."

They all laughed, including her. I hope the people in her life treated her well, she deserved to be treated well.

I leaned forward in my seat, my movements ungraceful because my whole rib cage had been stomped on by two meth addicts. I snatched the pen off the guy in front of me. He spun around, wanting to berate me but his eyes filled to the brim with fear as soon as he laid them on me and he apologised. Idiot.

Punching Bryan had destroyed my knuckles, it even hurt to hold the damn pen, I just hoped his nose felt worse. The girl to my left dug through her purse probably looking for something to write with, I caught a glimpse of her money and I flagged her up in my mind as a potential victim to my petty theft crime.

Fuck, I needed money so bad.

I was behind on rent. I needed to pay the bills before our utilities got cut off. I have until Friday to pay these dealers the rest of their money and worst of all, my mom was deteriorating because I couldn't afford her medication. Suddenly the box of cocaine in my pocket seemed very appealing to me.

I tapped my pen on the page, trying to think of something else, anything else other than the small box of white powder strong enough to dispel my troubles for around forty heavenly minutes.

I needed the cocaine.

I craved the feeling of the pungently bitter taste rolling down the back of my throat. I wanted to feel it over take my body slowly, penetrating my bloodstream through my veins, drowning out the thoughts of my own mind and putting me through an inner calm where nothing else mattered besides me and the drug.

I slipped my hand into my pocket, my fingers grasping around the dented breath mint tin that I've recycled and reused so many times that the label had faded and the outside hinge had rusted.