ELEMENTAL

CHAPTER ONE

"It breaks my heart to think that the only time that the only time I can be sure you can hear me is when you lie there. Even if it shatters my very core when I remember that I can no longer see you, I know this is the only time you can be at peace. I'm not angry at you for leaving me, though I would be glad if I knew why you chose that way to go. Anyone in your situation would have probably done it. I just wish I would have had more time with you to tell you how much I love you. I am ashamed knowing that I didn't say it often which leads to the question I know I will never know the answer to, now that you're gone..... 'Does the reason why you did it have to do with feeling unloved?'" His voice lowered to a whisper, eyes stinging as hot tears ran down his cheeks. "Mom, are you happy? I really hope you are because I reall-lly ne-"His aunt lead him away as his composure broke.

Zahavi did not cry when he found her body. He did not cry as he called for an ambulance. He did not cry when his aunt got home after he called her. And he certainly did not cry when Praise Amani was pronounced dead on 12th May 2016. He had long been preparing for this day. Everyone had. Her 40mg of citalopram prescription had long wore its use.

Her coffin had already been burried 6 feet under when he left. His aunt had patiently waited the two hours he spent looking at the fresh mound of earth where his mother rested. Without a word, she opened the back door to the car and he sat next to his equally devastated cousin. The ride to her place was quiet with only the soft music playing on the radio filling the silence. His cousin had tried reaching out to hold his hand twice but stopped mid-way on each account.

Only when he was in the safety of his aunt's guest room did he allow the tears to flow. Throughout this ordeal, he had only allowed his composure to fall at the funeral. His heart felt heavy and his head hurt. Almost at intervals throughout the night, he would wake covered in sweat, heart racing and face wet with tears. It was these moments that he let himself feel the loss he had gone through. The heartache at the loss of his mother.

Sure she was never herself most if the time but he would still miss her look of pure bliss when watching national geographic with the volume so down you'd wonder if she heard anything at all. He would miss seeing her excited face when he brought her candy from Joe's Candy Palace. He would miss her sad expression watching Bria Rose prick her finger on the spindle of the spinning wheel. He would miss the way she bit her bottom lip when Prince Phillip fought the dragon. What he would miss the most was how she would always tear up when he woke her from her slumber with a kiss despite having seen the movie a hundred times.

Having lost his mother at fourteen years, Zahavi was off to a rocky start of high school. He was determined not to let the loss of his mom affect his school life. The move from his town to Naivasville was definitely hard but he made the most of it, taking advantage of the fact that no one knew him. He would turn a new leaf.

He was friendly with everyone and quickly became a friend to all, if only he had a friend himself. Most of the people he was friendly with were just mere acquaintances and he was never close to them. He was sometimes lonely but never really alone as the flock of teenagers didn't leave his side at school. Then graduation came and went.

The class of 2020 had all graduated from high school, some with average scores. Zahavi did not have a plan of what he would study in the university. As it was custom in his country, he took a period of six months before joining campus which gave him time to come to the conclusion of going back to his roots to his old house. His aunt Rebecca had had time to convince him otherwise but she did not attempt it.

Zahavi stared at the old empty house as old memories came flooding in his mind. He could not believe four years was such a long time. The front porch of the house was covered in grass and weeds. Some wondering jew made its way up the stone wall only to go around the door, making it almost impossible to get inside. When he finally managed to get inside, he went straight to his old room, which with all his six feet muscle filled body standing in the middle, seemed way too small. He chuckled as memories of the room being bigger flashed before his mind's eye.