LORAINE

my life

Hi! Would you mind if I share my story to you? Of course you wouldn't , would you? Yeah, I know... i know this is silly , hearing a story from a

 total stranger, or reading it rather. This sounds crazy right. Well,this is life... full of uncertain things, I may sound crucial but that's the truth (I ain't got a thing

 to do something 'bout that). Life's unfair not only to you, or to me but to everyone of us. You can't blame me if I say that, your old lady here's been lyin' in bed for a couple 

of years, due to aging maybe. But i say no, it's not the years that that drives me here, I say, there's someone who needs a pal here.

I am Loraine, I live up north, no matter where it is ( see, I can't even remember my home town ), well it's somewhere that everyone wants to live.

People there are happy, at least most of the  time. I can say it's really a lovely neighbor hood, everyone seems to love everybody. They will smile at you every time 

you would meet along, and would even greet you. Until I have received my precious gift, Bill, yeah it's his name . My son.

It's in the midst of November of year 1980 when I had him. It's raining very hard outside, I'm listening to the daily weather forecast, when suddenly 

someone knocked, at first I thought it just the wind outside. But I was shocked to see a woman in my doorstep; about to give birth, shivering in cold, soaked 

with rain and her own blood.

"He...hel-" she didn't even finish her word and break to a scream. A very strong one, I was stooped, amazed and shock. It wasn't my first time to 

see a woman give birth, but that one had been really different. After she gave birth, right through my doorstep, she passed away. The stranger left me a 

precious gift, a really precious one that I have decided to keep it.The day after, I had gave her a decent grave. I was really happy to have the boy, it felt like

heaven, whatever heaven means. All I know is that there's something really felt good inside, down there,in my heart.

I named him Bill, after my fathers'. He really is a precious thing, he made me feel like I'm a real mother ,though sadly I'm not. He wakes me up at

midnight, and like a real mom I fed him, change his nappies, take care of him and everything, and love him. I have record all the dates of his very first,his first 

tooth, his firs attempt to crawl,his first 'close-open', and his very first word "tatata". Bill grew up to be a very obedient child, and he was loved by everybody.

I love him so  much more than any of my possessions, and I had promised my self to do everything for my son, for his own good. I'll do every ting to protect 

him. 

Until that night of October 1991, my Bill was a month to celebrate his 11 birth day, I had been preparing for his birthday present, when I felt the 

same thug the time he was given to me. But there's more, I can't understand the feeling I have that time. And there's a knock again in my door,

 " Ma'am, this is the county sheriff. Please open up."

I don't know what happened  I just open the door, and boom! There's a lot of people outside 

my house. I don't understand, 'till the sheriff explained everything. Everything... I don't know, I just don't at that time. Everything was a whirlwind, the

the explanations, even my emotions it all got mashed up. I'm crushed , that's the best word that could explain everything, my Bill was gone, my entire 

happiness. That's the worst thing a mother could ever felt.When Your child was taken away from you and you have nothing left, and there was nobody to

help you. And there's only the walls , and the woman in your mirror who was left alone, crushed... in pain. Pain, believe me I had lots of it.

I have lived my life in darkness for the past preceding years about a couple or four, I had even cursed God and blamed him for what I've been 

and gone through; for taking my Bill, and for taking my life. Until it's August 1995, when I'd have enough  drugs and  my health started to falter. Yes 

you're right, I had used all my money for drugs (no particular kind; I had tried all of them anyway), I had used it as a scapegoat. All my neighbors, well almost 

all of them, smiles at me in a different way, judging me and everything. 'Till that night when I dreamed of my Bill, laughing gracefully, kissing my cheeks 

and tells he loves his mama and want her to had her life again. Everything's a bit blurry so as my eyes right now, as my Bill slowly swift off through the fog.

Didn't notice my tears fallin', I badly want to grab his hands but I cant, someones stopping me and I hear him say,

"Wake up mama, wake up mama". I thought I had felt his hands on my cheek, so i woke up I was shaking and sweating and crying.

Later that night I went to the park alone, I just want to die, to end everything up, how I wish I'm the one who's dead. But it didn't happened.I cried

my heart out , when I felt a hand in my shoulder. It's the priest in the church down the alley nearby, he must have seen me .

We talked for a moment , he told me everything that happens was designed, he even told me that everything is planed and there

is no reason to be afraid of or to be worried. In that I think I regained strength, I confessed my sins and in a moment I felt comfort. The day after, I decided 

to lessen my drug intake, I also tried to see father Jonas every now and then, it came for weeks, and weeks to months, and month to years .I have noticed

that I've been relieved  so I started to share it to everyone I know, it made a great change in my life ,I felt home in the arms of the Lord.I claim every

promises and lived through his words and his words became my life.

Then another big thing threatens my faith. Sunday morning,in the month of July year 2001 , when I had a conversation the priest 

again about the happenings in my life ,I suddenly felt something that wants to come out of my tummy, I wanted to puke. I excused my self, I have thrown up

a lot then I felt dizzy, that's the last thing I knew.

The next thing I knew is all white walls , I've been brought to the center hospital because of what happened. The doctor finally told me that 

I may go. But when I got home I felt really ill. It continued for about a month 'till I have decided to be checked in the uptown hospital. It came to be easy at 

first ,they had me passed through different test and scans. After about three weeks, at the mid of August the findings let me down on my knees , 

the feeling is much painful than the physical pain. I feel weak again ,how can such trials  come unto me? For the second time I had  questioned the Lord 

again. I've been  following him but how can He give me this disease, I have a cerebral cancer at stage 2, the doctor said lucky for me I'm still alive.

People start getting rid and tired of me that time, even though they can't tell me I knew and feel it.hen father Jonas made me realize once 

again how lucky I am to be loved by the Creator, to stand by me whatever happens even in my darkest hours. Suddenly, I have gone stage three , but 

I'm proud to take it for everything is planned and designed. Now I'm 56 and still holding on,  hoping for his glory to come and spending half of my life 

at this bed.

Now if you are reading this, tell me life is unfair pal, I can't blame you. I know you've got burdens right there inside just like me .., before. 

but pal you're not alone He's got your back, you've got a friend, He that dies in cross for us. Don't worry everything would be fine.

He lov   ...