A/N: The top video is what I played all day, I loved it. Feel free to listen to it I guess:)
I tried to wake up but I stayed in bc I was too tired to do anything with my family, mainly bc it was Mothers' Day which I couldn't give two shits with her. All she does is blame me and worsen everything when it comes to my mental health, I know she doesn't know but she does know a fraction that SHR COULD ACKNOWLEDGE FOR ONCE IN HER LIFE.
After the morning that gave me a horrible headache, I went into the kitchen to just try and relax which I did get but was dragged outside with some younger siblings. I stayed outside for a good 45 mins where I helped my brother shoot some animals and start a fire so that was fun lmao; I went back up to hide after mom and dad went out for a date so that was fine as long as I got some brain rot from my siblings' shows like Aphmau and shit so yeah that was fine I guess.
During dinner time I was asked if I was going to eat, I said yes and she acted as if I had five eyeballs like 'holy shit I get it, I don't usually eat anything but do you have to act like that?'. I ate and did not feel too good but maybe bc I haven't had a full meal in awhile, even if I went back up to read some more with some music playing as per the usual, I start to talk with a friend in a group chat and it lead to some fighting that made me tick off but I know it was my fault bc it always was right mom? It made me think of shit from my past again and I started to fucking lose it, always back to the same place. (Mushroom, Rinthow, Strawberry, Cherry) Just plain regret and pain remembering why they hate me, even want me dead bc of my old self that was stupid enough to actually invest my time, CARE AND EVERYTHING I FUCKING HAD INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIPS SO THEY CAN JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AS I WAS BEFORE. I wondered what would've happened if my attempts at leaving this world would work, they won't gotten hurt by me. At all. That was all, just crying over my fucking past until I went back to music to calm down but took a nap instead so when I woke I knew I was being called but acted like I was asleep so I could just try and feel a sliver better than what my head does to itself.
Four hours past and I still feel depressed as always so I got my laundry done and found my family watching a movie. I joined in and after 20-15 later went back up tp change into something more comfy which was some pajamas and a big sweater so that's when I realized no one called me back down so I kinda just hung out in my room.
Timeskip brought to you by my sleep deprived ass(2pm)
I get bored so I go downstairs to make some coffee as I remember that I didn't do any of the weekend work so I had to wake up at five to finish it all, I make some lovely simple coffee with some of my cats and kittens playing around.
I NEVER FINISHED THIS BUT IN DUE TIME I WILL
