History [ Gojo x f!Reader ]

EMPTY

I woke up, in a cold sweat, again. I've had recurrent dreams lately, but they've all been about the last memory I had with my old friends. Maybe it was my own guilt, eating me up from inside, but I felt a pit in my stomach thinking about working today. After missing three weeks of work, I'm honestly shocked they haven't fired me.

As I walked towards the bathroom, I kept thinking about the times I had in university, were things partly my fault? or just my fault entirely? Had I gotten too comfortable? Was that why he left? Screaming horrible accusations that made no sense in my head, not at the time at least. I hadn't caught up to my body because all of a sudden I found myself putting my shoes on.

Without anybody to wake me up, I've been going on autopilot for a long time now. It's a routine, It's no fun. Would it be more fun if I had stuck around Satoru? I still think about those old times. Way too often for someone who ended their degree half a decade ago. Even though, I have a new house, a new car, and a new degree.

That's not what I'm missing. I'm missing the euphoria of having people around. Of having my old roommates around. I feel empty, like my work has taken over my life because I had nothing else to do after I moved away. I've been sober, non-voluntarily, for five years. Suguru always said I was a social drinker.

I walked into my local, favorite bakery, and didn't even speak. The guy upfront, Zuzhi, already had my order ready. I go there every time I feel bad, so it makes sense, but I still feel the embarrassment win me over as I scurry over to grab my things.

-"Your usual, Gurumi!"- He says it with such a warm smile, he reminds me of the warmness I miss, so I usually chat with him in the mornings.

-"Thank you! You're always very nice, you really brighten up the place"- I always try to reciprocate his kindness, especially after declining his invitations to go out, no matter what the intentions are.

-"Even when you try being mean, you're just so empathetic..."- The tone switch really got me, I never wanted to make him feel bad, but I'm just not interested in dating, that isn't anything on his character, rather on mine.

-"I'm sorry about everything, I've become quite wary of most."-

-"It's not your fault! Had I known, I wouldn't have asked you out, I apologize too."- I smile at him and make sure to wave goodbye. He's a very nice guy. But I live in the past rather than the present, as most normal people would.

-----------

-"Teach, I don't think it's healthy to act as if your phone is your hand."- Itadori always says just what needs to be said, even if he doesn't realize it.

-"Oh now! Was it? Perhaps because I want it there?"- His usually bright face fades into a pout.

-"You're being meaner than usual, what's the deal Satoru?"- Megumi speaks from the bench, while Nobara eats beside him.

-"Sigh, you're right, dear pupil! I have become a slave to my phone! Oh whatever shall I do?"- I throw myself on Yuuji while fake weeping, just to make sure that he focuses on anything else, rather than my phone. To be fair, I needed it too.

-"Oh teach! I'm so sorry for you! We will save you!"- He clings on to me and fake cries as well.

Those kids always make sure I don't fade into boring adulthood, even though I do sometimes, they keep me young, and fairly relaxed. But I couldn't hold up, not today, at least. It could be the most interest day of all, and I would still find myself pondering what to do.

I was walking to my car, but I just had to know, Would she pick up? Of course she would, right? Or maybe she wouldn't, maybe she wouldn't recognize the number. But she always was quite diligent in answering her cell, never knowing who was calling. Fuck it. I'll be regretful either way. Even after five years of no contact, she still gets me wondering my every move.

I knew deep down, she wouldn't remember. She wouldn't answer either. I knew because I called every year before this one. Every important date on our shared calendar that I don't think she knows exists. Most of the time, she's what keeps me off of the grid, other times, the very reason I leave the house.

I may have dated since our encounters, but nothing I felt was real, or love, or generally important. Usually just spite. Or because I can. But nothing's as euphoric as thinking about contacting her. Should it stay just a thought? Or should I get rejected as I do every time? While thinking, my cell rang. Something pulled me to answer the phone.

-"Hello?"- At this point, I was hallucinating.

-"Hi? Who is this?" - Asking while knowing, is something I've always been a fan of.

-"Oh! This is Gurumi, You are Satoru, no?"- Years of calling, begging, for her to remember, wonder what happened for her to finally call me back.