Ashes in the Darkness

Truth

"I want to know why Shepard approved of me without even meeting me and why I haven't been used for any of the purposes that I was originally recruited for," I said. My frustration was growing with each of the unanswered questions. "I've been kept in the dark for two months now, and in that time, I have kept my mouth shut but the jig is up."

Kate's eyes kept going back and forth between Ghost and me, then she filled her lungs with as much air as she could and released all of it, "if I tell you, I cannot release you and send you back to Washington D.C."

I swallowed and I felt my blood drain from my face. My eyes went to Ghost whose eyes were looking at me with narrowed ferocity. I furrowed my eyebrows at him with confusion, why was he getting so angry?

I turned my attention back to Kate and noticed that her lip was slightly purple and puffy, and I felt a pang in my chest. I didn't like that a fellow woman had been hurt, even though I knew how strong she was, I knew what she could go through and still hold her head up in power. I wanted to be like her, I wanted to not have the fear and the disgust that I had for myself every time I looked in the mirror or when I looked down at my hands that felt dirty, even when they were freshly cleaned. "My father used to tell me that trust is earned, not supplied..." I sat in the office chair, taking a similar stance as Kate who sat across from me.

My father. I might not ever get to see him again if I told her that I wanted to stay, I may never get to see my mother, or David, or little Parker Hendricks again. But the flashes of getting the team out of that compound, piloting a helicopter again, being useful, and saving lives. Being a member of this team had given me a newfound sense of pride and power that I thought was gone for the rest of my life. I had been so scared to go into that compound because I knew men were going to be touching me, but I knew what my body was capable of, I knew what I could do with it. That was my body, it had been my choice.

Then there was Ghost, Simon, Bravo 0-7. I had grown an outward attachment to him that I knew was neither healthy or affectionate in the slightest, yet I didn't know how I could walk back to the life I once had knowing he had saved my life and I had saved his, I had allowed him to crawl under my skin and heal me from my past with a darkness that I knew I was going to rue letting in one day. That darkness made me evil, impulsive, violent, and disobedient but it felt like heaven to wrap around myself anytime that I needed it. It gave me something to believe in. It made me believe in myself.

I was going to fight for my family, fight for my teammates, fight for the safety of the world and I was going to do it alongside Simon and Johnny and Kyle and John. I was going to be strong like Laswell, take back what was taken from me three years ago. I wasn't going to fade and disappear. The only person that was going to win was me, and me only.

Ghost was telling me something with his eyes, but I couldn't read it. He was angry though; agitation was rippling around that stonelike body of his. "I'm not going anywhere; I want to be a part of this team." I announced.

Laswell nodded and smirked at Ghost and then back at me, "well then."

"Now I want the full story, all of it," I commanded.

"Second drawer, last file," Ghost said, he picked himself off the wall and rounded the back of the room to hand Laswell a set of keys to the desk. He stood behind her as she rummaged through several files, before pulling out a burgundy folder that had a name on it that I did not recognize. 'Alex Keller.' The folder was thick and messy, papers sticking out on all sides like it had been flipped through several times, sorted and unsorted.

She flipped through the file and pulled out a picture of a man. He had the look of a soldier, buff upper body with a tattooed sleeve. A thick mustache and thin beard dawned his face with blond hair that spiked up a little more in the front. He had kind blue eyes and bushy eyebrows that needed a good plucking. "You were in Afghanistan four years ago; you did six medical evacuations on that tour."