99 Days Without You (Larry) NOT MY STORY

You must be disappointed in me. I know you’ve always thought of me as strong. But that’s only when I’m with you. Now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do with myself.

It was a long service, and I embraced every single member of your family, apologizing and muttering incoherent words throughout all of my blubbering. Gemma and Anne held me the longest, and we sobbed into each other’s shoulders. I pulled away from Gemma, and stared at her a long while. I told her that the two of you looked a lot alike. She’s so beautiful Harry, and I promise to take care of her.

I promise to take care of your mother too. She had always been like a second mother to me anyways. When I hugged her, he whispered something in my ear that I will never forget, and I really hope she wasn’t lying to me.

“He loved you, you know.” She whispered, and pulled back with a small smile on her face. She walked away before I had a chance to reply, leaving me speechless, before I broke down sobbing again. Liam had to carry me out to the car, and I resisted. I didn’t want to leave you.

Day Fourteen:

I’d just like to say that I wasn’t willing to go to therapy. But the boys insisted that I go. I went, but I didn’t like it. The therapist poked and prodded me for information, asking me about how I felt and what my thoughts were. I didn’t like the invasion of privacy. My thoughts were meant to stay hidden, not to end up in here.

But now here I am, writing to you.

I can sometimes feel you, you know. It’s like you’re watching me. Instead of being scary, like I imagined it would be, it’s actually quite comforting.

Day Fifteen:

And now here I am, present day. Today, I feel… empty. But I guess that’s just what comes with losing the person you love, right? Sarah read over my journal last night—did I forget to tell you my therapists name is Sarah? Oh well, it is.

She seemed disappointed in me, but I couldn’t find myself to care. She told me to stop writing these entries, but I told her that it was actually helping me. In a way it is. I feel as if you’re here with me, reading everything I jot down on this page.

Right then, back to today. I didn’t do much to be quite honest. Niall came over, and we watched a couple movies to try and return back to the old days. Liam called me just to check up. Still no word from Zayn though, and I’m starting to worry our friendship will never patch up.

Day Sixteen:

People are saying that One Direction is over, and it’s really tearing me up inside. It’s only been a little over two weeks and already people are starting to talk. The boys and I are trying to get back to work, but it’s just too soon. We don’t think we can handle going up on stage or to the studio quite yet, knowing that we’re down a member, who isn’t coming back.

It’s not as if we’ve denied the rumors. In fact, I wouldn’t even consider us One Direction anymore either. With just the four of us it’s just Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, and Zayn Malik. You came up with the name Haz, so without you here it just feels wrong to call ourselves that.

I know you probably would want us to move on, and keep going with our career as a band. But it’s just so HARD.

Why can’t you just come back?

Day Seventeen-Twenty:

I’m sorry I forgot to write an entry the past few days. To be honest, I haven’t even left my bed. I’m just so TIRED. I guess you would understand, since you’re asleep for an eternity now. Was that rude to say? I don’t know. I don’t know what happens after you pass, but some have said it’s just a world of black you’re surrounded in. God, I sure hope you’re not sitting in blackness Harry, you deserve to sing with the angels.