99 Days Without You (Larry) NOT MY STORY

The boys and I sat stiffly on Liam’s couch, tears slipping down our faces as we realized, we weren’t One Direction anymore. There was no One Direction without you, and there still isn’t.

So that day was wasted on our own pitiful thoughts, and wondering what we would do now that you were gone.

Day Four:

I found your note that day. The familiar sight of your handwriting drove me to tears. I couldn’t find myself to share it with anyone.

Anne visited me that day. I think it was Wednesday, but I really didn’t know. I couldn’t find myself to care. Usually we would be at rehearsals, but the news had already been leaked to the press, and spread all over Twitter. I refused to go online, or watch TV. The only things that played were predictions on why you had done it, but I knew why, so I didn’t want to hear about others theories.

Our fans miss you. I’ve had multiple come up to me while I was walking the streets, crying their eyes out and hugging me, apologizing for my loss. They say that you were amazing, and an amazing person, that you didn’t deserve to go so young. I agree with them.

Why did you leave? Well, I know why. But I just can’t wrap my head around it.

I ended up showing your mother the note. I know you meant it to reach my eyes, and my eyes only, but I felt she had a right to know. She cried, Haz. She cried a lot. I feel as though I’m the one to blame for all of this, and the weight on my shoulders just keeps growing.

Day Five:

We finally began arranging your funeral that day. I don’t know if it was a bit too early to arrange or a bit too late, but all I know is that nobody wanted to do it. Nobody wanted to accept the fact that you were really gone.

Day Six:

I showed the boys the note that day. Well, I didn’t exactly show them. I left it on the kitchen counter, and Zayn had come across it. He walked into the living room with tears streaming down his face, and began to shout at me.

He yelled at me for not telling them. He yelled at me for being selfish. And he blamed it all on me.

Niall and Liam tried to calm him down. But I didn’t blame him for being angry. I was angry at myself as well.

Day Seven:

A week without you in my life, feels like an eternity, and I spent the entire day watching old X Factor videos and interviews of us, pretending you were there with me, laughing along.

Day Eight-Twelve:

I decided to write these days into one big entry because well, not much happened in those days. Zayn still refused to speak to me, and I didn’t blame him. Niall and Liam tried their best to talk to me, but I had become distant. I spoke to no one, except for you of course. But you weren’t really there, and that began to worry them.

Day Thirteen:

I probably should have said in the last entry that by day nine we had finished arranging your funeral. Four days later and there I was, standing cloaked in black over a deep hole in the ground, where you would be forced to remain underneath for eternity.

It wasn’t open casket. We all knew how much you loathed other people seeing you when you weren’t decent. Everyone agreed that it was probably best, and to be honest, I didn’t want to look at your face knowing your eyes would no longer flutter open, and I would no longer be able to look into your green orbs.

I cried again that day. Heck, I cried every day since the day you left. But that day was much worse. When they were placing you inside the hole, I almost ran over to stop them, and it took Liam, Zayn, and Niall to hold me back. I had dropped to my knees crying my eyes out. I wasn’t able to stand strong at your funeral, and I am so sorry.