Hold Me Close

jaimie's new girlfriend

Jaimie and I meet at a café in St. Albans a little after half past ten. I managed to get Katja to drop me off on her way back to Liverpool. Jaimie finds how I am having to drag my suitcase around with me the whole day comical, but remains my older sister by deciding that she will sort out my transportation to the airport.

The place is empty so it doesn't really matter how much space I take up, anyway.

We nestle into the corner of the place, both of us curling our legs underneath us on the old, leather sofas that oppose each other. A wooden coffee table stands in between, bridging the gap, and holding the two drinks and our food. She sips her flat white happily. I pull apart my cinnamon roll because I don't like biting down on things.

"Shall we begin?" Jaimie asks after I have eaten half of the food in front of me. She probably did not want to deal with me being fragile and hungry at the same time. "You were in Birmingham."

We have done this since we were teenagers, when Jaimie started to fly to Australia on her own because I couldn't miss football training camps. Being apart for extended amounts of time repeatedly ensured we created the most efficient way to get each other up to speed.

"I went to visit Scarlett's grave. Keira was there, she told me Scarlett was going to propose. We had this weird... moment. She said I wasn't alone. I held in that panic attack." If I hadn't roamed around the cemetery aimlessly, I probably would have curled up into a ball and died on the train. "And while I was in Birmingham, you were..."

"In Milton Keynes." She doesn't need to elaborate any further. Everyone knows where the England captain is from because she waxes lyrical about her city. Scarlett explained why that was so funny a while ago (Milton Keynes is a 'shithole').

"Right," I say, wondering why I felt the need to ask when I could have guessed that. "When exactly did you start – are you even dating her?"

Jaimie gives me a sheepish smile. "We slept together after she won the Euros." I gasp dramatically, hand flying to my mouth. "But then I went back home, and she was so busy, and it was complicated. We started dating after I won the AO. I'm staying with her when I come back from Amsterdam." That sounds somewhat serious.

"I can't believe you helped her celebrate the Euros!" I exclaim, eyes widening along with my grin. She is blushing so hard right now. "Of all the captains in the world–"

"You have a crush on Alexia Putellas."

I stop dead in my tracks. The teasing remark I was going to make dissolves on my tongue, and my jaw hangs loose.

Blinking rapidly, I can only ask "what?" in hope of further clarification.

"Don't tease me about my lovelife," is all Jaimie replies, clearly a warning, "or I will tell you the truth about yours."

I falter, not meeting her fierce stare. Instead, I look down at my cinnamon bun, picking it up, splitting the remainder in half and putting one piece into my mouth. She takes the other and eats it so we can have a moment of silence before getting back on topic.

"Panic attack," I say, stating where we had gotten up to.

"Ja, of course. Would you like to watch the footage of it?" Her question relieves most of the tension as we both choose to move past what she said. I laugh. I try to forget about her suggestion. "I want to know if that was your first since December. Obviously, the possible proposal and the England team triggered it. Has anything else been stressing you out lately? December was triggered by you and Scarlett's argument, but when we talked, you off-loaded this bulk of horrible things you had been carrying around with you."