Dream // Van McCann

23. I Can't Be Upset at You

"Yes, this is my girlfriend Florence." Florence let go of my arm and offered her hand to Mia.

"You must be Mia. Van has told me all about you," Florence said, shaking her hand gently. It must be strange for Mia to meet Florence and vice versa. I know it takes a while for Florence to get over the shock of my dreams being somewhat accurate.

"Are you going to visit my mom again?" Mia asked.

"I—I wasn't planning on it," I replied. As soon as I saw Mia's disappointment, I quickly spoke again. "Er—it's too soon, isn't it? She needs some space."

"She's been acting strange since you left. Even dad noticed." This piqued my curiosity.

"How so?"

Mia stopped to think. "She's been quiet and not paying attention. She left the stove on last night and dad got upset. I need you to talk to my mom!"

"I don't think that's a good idea. It'll only make things worse."

"She wants to see you!" she blurted and I was shocked into silence.

Never in a million years did I think she'd want to see me again. It brought me back to that one night we had a row after dinner, that one day I decided to have dinner with her parents. I was scared to approach her in fear of making things worse but I do recall her anticipating seeing me and wanting me to kiss her, but she was drunk, mind you. This is entirely different.

It turns out Mia can be quite convincing. She had somehow managed to convince me to come back. I just thought after Clara had some time to think that she'd be open to the idea of slowly fixing things. The changes aren't going to happen overnight, I know that, but any progress—no matter how small—is progress regardless.

I wanted Florence to come with me but she was adamant about having it just be the both of us. She feared her presence would make things worse. We argued about it for a bit but then realized we had an audience so I gave in. I had the driver drop Florence off at the hotel before dropping us off at Clara's house.

Without hesitation, Mia quickly ran up to the doorstep and unlocked the front door, pushing the door wide open so I could step in. I peered cautiously inside looking for Clara but didn't see her. Mia wasted no time looking for her mum. She went to the kitchen but came out of the other end empty-handed.

"She must be upstairs," she muttered, heading up. Her footsteps echoed until I couldn't hear her anymore and a moment later, I could hear her screaming. "MOM!" She was crying and shouting which alarmed me so I quickly ran up the stairs after her.

The scene I walked into was horrific. Clara was dangling from the ceiling, kicking her feet while Mia desperately tried to hold onto her. I quickly grabbed Clara's torso and held her up. The fact that she was using her hands to fight me was a good thing.

"Leave me alone!" Clara cried out but most of it came out in a gurgle. I could see the chair she stood on kicked onto its side.

"Mia, put the chair right under us!" I shouted. Despite her crying and being in shock, she surprisingly listened. I got a good grip of Clara, stepped onto the chair, and quickly unhooked the cloth noose from around her neck. Clara's face was red and hot with tears.

"You should've just let me die!" she sobbed. I hugged her from behind and gently set her down so that she was sitting on the chair. Her neck was red from where the cloth had dug in and every breath took a lot of effort.

"And what? Let Mia grow up without a mum? What about Rafael?" I asked, not realizing I was shouting. I tried to be more understanding of her situation and to try to put myself in her shoes but couldn't. She was being selfish taking the easy way out to let her family deal with the rest. I moved until I was right in front of her and knelt down.

"Clara, look at me," I said to her. Her eyes were downcast, avoiding me but I continued anyway. "This isn't the answer. I know it seems like you have no choice but it won't be as bad as it seems and I'll be with you the entire way. That is if you'll have me." I'm probably the last person she wants to see but I want her to know that I'm here for her. However, I can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped.

"How's your breathing? Are you alright? Do I need to take you to the hospital?" I asked, watching her carefully. The color was returning to her face and her breathing was getting steady. All that remained was the red mark on her neck and I wondered how she'd explain it to Rafael.

"I'm alright. Please don't take me to the hospital," she begged. It was clear based on her tone that she was terrified of going to the hospital. They'll take anyone in but they'll ask for ID. It made me sad to think she's neglected her health this entire time. She hasn't seen any kind of doctor for 8 years. If something serious happened, would she rather die than seek treatment?

"Are you telling the truth? Are you in any pain? Do you have difficulty breathing?" I continued. Clara shook her head and there was nothing alarming about her condition so I relaxed a little. Mia must've caught her mum at the right moment. It was terrifying to think that if we got here any later, Clara wouldn't be with us anymore.

Speaking of Mia, no one should ever see their parent attempt to take their own life. She's too young to understand why her mother would do such a thing and that memory will stay with her forever, and mine. Mia walked up to her mum.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, sweetie, I'm okay. Thank you for asking. And you? How are you doing?" Clara tucked her daughter's hair behind her ear with shaky hands and then kissed her daughter on the head.

"I'm scared. Promise me you won't do that again."

Clara was brought to tears again. "I promise. You are my whole world." She opened her arms and Mia went in for a hug.

It was nice seeing Clara as a mum, not that I didn't think she'd be one, but it's not often that I see this side of her. She was always afraid to be a mum, thinking she'd never be good enough but it comes naturally to her.

The strongest love I've ever seen is a mother's love for their child. Even though Clara just attempted to take her life, something told me she wouldn't try again after seeing how much it terrified her daughter. Her love for Mia is endless; she literally sacrificed everything to have her and to lose her means she has nothing left.

"Yesterday, you said to me: 'look me in the eyes and tell me this is the life you've always wanted and I'll walk away. Just like that.'" It took me a moment to realize that Clara was talking to me and I was surprised to see her looking right at me. "No matter how much I try, I can't be upset at you. There will always be a part of me that loves you. I admit this isn't the life I want but I don't know what to do."

The truth is, I don't know what to do either but the nice thing I've learned is that you're never quite alone. I stood up and held my hand out. Clara eyed my hand and looked up at me. Then she surprised me by wrapping her hand around mine.