pretty when you cry ☆ {serj tankian}

★

I emerged from the bathroom. Serj had changed out of his jeans and wife beater and into an outfit similar to the one he'd given me.

He was silent as he lazily plopped down on the bed, lying on his side. I lied next to him. Serj mindlessly reached out and fiddled with my fingers, gently playing with them. The feeling was nice, I appreciated the small form of affection, but I pulled my hand away, the action earning a hurt and confused look from Serj.

"You alright?" He quietly asked.

"What was that earlier?"

"Wha-"

"You kiss me and then act like nothing happened? We didn't even talk about it." I whispered, my voice weak and close to cracking.

My stomach was tied in knots, churning as I felt my fingers turn cold, my heart rapidly racing. Despite my nerves and fears, I would've beat myself up if I wouldn't have at least asked about the situation from earlier.

I shot my head toward Serj, my widened eyes meeting his relaxed ones. He looked confused, despite the straightforwardness of my question.

"I meant it. I like you." Serj uttered.

"Wh-"

"I like you. It's why I wanted to shotgun and whatever. Wanted an excuse to get close to you like that." He muttered. And for once, he seemed unconfident in his words, in his actions. His eyes wouldn't meet mine, his thumb nail met his teeth.

"You were high-"

"Doesn't make a difference."

For once, my mind was blank, unable to think of anything in response. I wanted so badly to say something, anything, but no words came to my head. My insides felt like jelly.

Serj's face was hard to read, but there was no joking tone to his words, no smile to tell me that this is all some elaborate joke. He held a straight face, seemingly awaiting my response. The room's walls felt like they were caving in on us, the lights seemed to grow dimmer.

I knew Serj wouldn't joke about something like this, especially considering we were in the same bed and we had made out earlier. Serj just wasn't that type of person, but I couldn't help but feel that small ink of doubt that was rising in my chest. It was hard for me to believe anyone when it came to this sort of stuff, because I just couldn't see anyone seeing appeal in me.

Serj said my name, questioning whether I was fully there or not.

"Fuck." I finally responded. The look on Serj's face was filled with pain and confusion at my words.

That probably wasn't the response Serj expected, nor wanted.

It definitely wasn't the right thing to say, but to be fair, my mind was vacant, unable to even process Serj's words. I felt so weak, a combination of emotions swirling in my chest. I was lucky I was even able to utter a single word.

The confession threw me off, never expecting Serj to admit something like that. A part of me didn't even believe I heard him right, mishearing the words that left his mouth that I desperately wanted to kiss again. Maybe I was dreaming, it'd make sense why I felt so weak and light.

"I'm sorry." Serj uttered, probably trying to fill the space, maybe regretting his words.

"I like you too." I finally admitted, my face burning in embarrassment, cheeks flushed red, unable to meet his gaze.

Serj's thumb grazed my cheek, gently caressing it, his body moving towards me, his face slowly leaning in. It felt familiar, for some reason.

I shakily exhaled, the beating of my heart was so loud in my ears, I could barely hear anything else, my eyes staring directly into Serj's darker ones. The room was spinning.

Serj leaned in closer, our lips brushing, warm breaths ghosting each other's lips, our eyes dazed, lazily leaning in closer each second, our breathing growing heavier.

I wanted this so bad. I wanted him so bad.

"Kiss me." I finally breathed out, voice barely a whisper.

Serj obliged, leaning in all the way and finally meeting our lips, my hands snaking around his neck as the force of the kiss pulled me towards him.

I couldn't think straight. I'd never felt such a strong emotional connection toward someone before, such strong feelings. Sure, I'd had my fair share of crushes and I'd been in relationships, but it had never felt the way it did now. This was different, special almost.

The simple feeling of Serj's lips was enough to make me weak, to make me want to crumble and lose all sense of thought. Their proximity made me feel as though my heart would burst through my chest, my insides swallowing me whole.

I pushed harder against Serj, our lips naturally parting against each other, fitting so perfectly and moving together in sync, filled with poise and perfection.

It felt as if there were flowers blooming in my chest, savoring the taste of his lips the best I could before we separated, pulling apart and facing each other with lovesick expressions.

Neither of us could say a thing, the room a deafening silence. Serj's eyes flickered around my face, until they settled back on my eyes. He slowly leaned back in once more, leaning down to kiss my jaw, the nape of my neck, and my collarbone. His lips were so gentle and soft, filled with so much love that I could barely process it. I thought I heard Serj mumble the word 'pretty.' I felt as though I could cry, Serj's actions so simple yet so loving, my heart melting in my chest and stomach filled endlessly with butterflies.

I never wanted it to end, but it unfortunately had to.

"Let's go to sleep." Serj uttered, planting a small kiss on my forehead and pulling himself into the covers.

I grasped onto him like I could lose him, burying my head in the nape of his neck, inhaling his strong cologne.

I wished I knew something to say to him before he fell asleep. I wished I could say 'I love you,' but I knew it was much too early for that. Much too early.

I hoped that whatever this was didn't last just the night.

-

{i was hoping to get the chapter to at least 2000 words, but its only 1748. thats alright. sorry that the chapter is basically just... kissing, but i promise the story'll get better :)}