Dream // Van McCann

21. Mia

"Do I know you?" she continued. It was clear she recognized me and I wasn't sure how to answer. Saying yes sounded wrong as we've never met but I was afraid saying no would make her apologize and say she had the wrong person.

"Are you Mia?" I asked. Her eyes widened in shock. "Where's your mum? Is she here?" I looked behind Mia, nervous that her dad would suddenly appear and take her away but there was no one else around.

"How do you know my name?" she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper. She was terrified but intrigue stopped her from running away.

"Your mum mentioned your name in the letters she used to write to me." I reached into my pocket and pulled the letter out, the one that took 8 years to read. I held it out to Mia and she took it, slowly opening it.

Clara has a very distinct handwriting that's unmistakable. Her half cursive, half print handwriting filled the page and I watched as Mia's eyes scanned the letter. I'm not sure how much she understands having no context. Mia paused when she reached the bottom and looked up.

"Who are you and how do you know my mom?"

"My name is Van and your mother was my girlfriend before I moved to America and we broke things off."

I opened my wallet and handed the photos to her. She grabbed them and in exchange, handed me my letter back. Mia studied the photos, her eyes not believing what she was seeing. A younger version of her mum in love with someone who wasn't her dad. It must be very strange to her, just like how strange it was for me to meet the child of someone I used to date. After some time, Mia handed me my photos back. She was no longer scared.

"I've dreamt about you before. You're looking for my mom. May I ask you why?" she asked. Her voice trembled slightly. She can't imagine her mum with someone other than her dad.

"How much has your mother told you about her parents? Have you ever met them?" I questioned. Mia shook her head.

"Mom says they're dead." My heart sank at this. Mia's been lied to and I wasn't sure it was my place to break it to her.

"Have you ever questioned why your mum doesn't leave the house? How about why she doesn't watch you play footy?" She couldn't answer me. You could see the gears turning in her head. She never questioned it because it was normal to her but she has wondered about it. She'll see people out and about as a family but her mother always stayed behind for reasons unknown to her.

"I need to talk to your mum but I can't do it alone," I continued. "Can you help me?"

-

It was surprisingly easy to convince her to help me. Although she's cautious, she actually puts a lot of trust in a stranger she's never met but I've shown enough proof that I know her mum. Sometimes you just have a feeling about someone.

She knew something big was happening and was curious. She's quiet but very observant just like Clara. When we went back to grab her backpack and ball, she handed me the ball to hold and noticed the cigarettes in my pocket.

"My mom smokes the same kind of cigarettes," she said out of the blue. I looked down at my pocket and then at her.

"I've been meaning to ask...since when did she smoke? She wasn't a smoker when we dated," I said softly.

"I'm not sure but dad doesn't like it and wish she'd stop. She only smokes that brand."

Lambert & Butler, a brand that is practically non-existent in The States yet I still refuse to smoke anything else. Every year when I go home, I put in a lot of effort to bring them back with me. They're slightly cheaper and taste awful but I've learned to love them. There are plenty of nicer, better-tasting ones to smoke yet she chose this brand out of all of them, and a small part of me wondered if it was because of me.

"Are your mum and dad married?" I asked, changing the subject. I was nosy and wanted to take advantage of the honesty of children, mainly because I knew Clara wouldn't answer such intrusive questions. I hate to admit it but I'm dead curious how my exes are doing long after we've broken things off.

"I think so," she answered, though I'm not sure she knows what marriage even means.

She just knows her mum and dad are together, live under the same roof, and sleep in the same bed. She doesn't think about the legality of it and the paperwork. The fact that Clara has tried so hard to stay hidden means they're not married legally. She's actually technically still dead to the world and I wondered how she managed it for so long without being caught. However, not all was lost in Mia's answer to my question. It just confirms that Clara and Rafael are very much still in love, or so it seems, to their daughter.

"Does she work?" I continued, wondering how many questions I could ask before we reached their house. I walked slowly to buy myself more time. Even Mia had to slow down so she didn't pass me.

"No, she doesn't."

I took some time to think about her answer. Clara doesn't work like Rafael does. This worried me because they're relying on Rafael's income to support the family, though I don't doubt Clara helps where she can. I opened my mouth to ask another question but Mia beat me to it.

"How come you're not together anymore?" Her question was innocent enough and I'm not sure how much 7 year olds know about love.

"I moved to America for work and we just drifted apart. I still love her loads, though," I answered truthfully.

"Are you trying to get together with her again?" I stopped walking which surprised her.

"No!" I said a little too loudly. "I'm in love with someone else now."

Mia furrowed her eyebrows. "But you said you love my mom."

"I love her as a friend. I still care about her a lot but we're very different. It wouldn't have worked out." Or so I keep telling myself. There was always that fear that the feelings would come back once I saw her. It was really testing my faithfulness to Florence. Keep it together, Van! She has a child with someone else, remember?

Mia looked at me suspiciously but didn't question me further. She's probably wondering how you can love someone and care about them but not want to be with them. Love is complicated and she'll find out when she's older.

The house was coming into view and I was starting to question all my life choices. It was strange because earlier, I was determined to see Clara but now I was terrified of what would happen. All I could picture was her wanting to murder me on the spot for leaving her all those years ago.

Mia unlocked the door and opened it, letting me step in first but I told her to go in first. The house smelled of a delicious meal being cooked. I hadn't realized it was nearing dinner and I was getting hungry.

"Mia, are you home?" Clara's voice called from the kitchen. Mia looked at me in fear as we never discussed what the plan was. It sounded like Clara put something down and you could hear her footsteps nearing the entryway and I stood there frozen in place.

Clara stuck her head out to look for Mia and paused when she saw me. She looked the same yet different, still beautiful as always even though her hair was in disarray. Her hazel eyes seemed to look through me and then she fainted.