Shikwe

Chapter 6

I told him that he is taking too much interest in my life and that it makes me uncomfortable. That he is no one to me and I am no one to him. He was all I had. And I pushed him away too. I hated the way his face fell. I hated myself for doing this to him. I cried myself to sleep for the next week until one day, a storm came and changed my fucking life."

3 years ago.

I walked to the bus stop and sat on the bench, all exhausted. I get tired easily. Another thing I hate about myself. But that wasn't my issue today. Today, I just wanted to go home and fall on the bed and sleep.

Because once again, I hurt myself. Not physically this time. I watched Reyansh walk towards me. I watched as he smiled and gave me a file he needed reviewed and I watched that smile fall when he saw a bandage on my foot. I don't know what he guessed but it would've been right.

I did do it to myself. I don't remember when but I did it sometime yesterday. I wasn't hurt that badly and I was thankful for it, but when I saw the anguish in his eyes, I hoped to God I hadn't made it out alive.

I watched as his gaze met mine, I saw the questions and I saw the way he shut his mouth so the words don't fall out. All because I told him they made me uncomfortable. What an idiot I was to say stuff like that.

A tear drops down my eye and I ignore it. But I am forced to open  my eyes and see where the other came from. The bus didn't come. The storm did. I watch in horror as the light drizzle turn into a bizarre downpour within minutes. I get up from the bench and plaster myself against the wall at the back.

The water falls down on the ground harshly, strong enough to bruise people's skin. There was no news of a storm in the weather report and I curse them all in my head. I would've carried my umbrella otherwise.

The air turns chilly and I wrap my coat around me tighter. The crowd lessens as people get inside whatever shade they can find. Through the heavy rains I make out a silhouette. Someone running towards the bus stop I am under.

I don't bother much until the person stops a few steps away and calls out my name. "SEHER!!"

I squint my eyes until I am able to make out the face of the person. My heart pounds in my chest when I make out the sharp edges of his jaw, and the shade of his dark hair, slicked away from his forehead by his hands.

"What the hell? What are you doing Reyansh? You'll fall sick!" I scream over the loud patter of the rain. I am not fond of them. They are annoying and my boss is even more annoying. He is standing in the middle of the street with no shade over his head, drenching in the cold November air and water of London.

He shakes his head. "I have something to ask. Will you marry me Seher?!"

I stop looking around and stare at him. Is he crazy? That must be it. Who stands in the middle of a rainstorm and asks a girl, a girl like me, to marry him?

"Mazak band karo Reyansh aur idhar aao! Itna bhigoge to bohut bimar ho jaoge."

(Stop joking and come here. If you keep standing there then you'll get really sick)

"Mazak nahi hai. Dil se pooch raha hu. Shaadi karogi mujhse?"

(It's not a joke. I am asking with all the sincerity. Will you marry me?)

"Kyu karna chahte ho mujhse shaadi?"

(Why do you want to marry me?)

"Kyuki pyaar ho gaya hai tumse! I really, really love you. And I want you in my life."

(Because I've fallen in love with you!)

This can't be it. How can he fall in love with me? Even I don't love me. And yes that is sad but whatever. My whole existence is depressing as it is. I sigh.

"Listen Reyansh. Even I don't have an umbrella. So please come in the shade or I will have to drag you and I'll be drenched too." He shakes his head with a smile.

"Haan, bol do Seher. Bhaag ke aunga tumhare paas aur kabhi nahi chodunga tumhe."

(Just say yes Seher. I come running to you and I'll never leave you.)

Why. Why is he hell bent on marrying someone like me? "And what if I say no?"

"Then I'll leave. I won't disturb you again. Par na bolne ki himmat hai tumme?"

(But, do you have the guts to say no?)

Arrogant jerk. So full of himself. But he knows. I can't say no. He is everything I've ever wanted and everything I couldn't have. The storm around us worsens. Lightning tears through the sky, the deep rumble of thunder following.

It's my life, I can't make haste. But what would it be like? Married to the man of one's dreams?

Good, I assume.

I turn my head up to see him still staring at me with a smile, completely drenched. Good, he is aggravating.

"Aisa mat karo Reyansh. Hasrat, hasrat hi rahe to acha hai, chand hasil hoke chand nahi lagta."

(Don't do this Reyansh. It's better if desire remains desire. Moon doesn't look like itself if it's acquired.)

"Tum chand nhi ho Seher. You're the sun for me. I don't see anything else but you. Just give an answer. Will you marry me?"

(You are not the moon, Seher.)

"YES!! YES, I'LL MARRY YOU!! Now please come in the shade!" His smile widens. His steps are fast and long as he runs to me in the shade of the bus stop.

He halts infront of me, staring at me with the love I somehow missed in his eyes before. "Say that again."

"Why?"

"So I know you didn't just say it to get me off the downpour." Smart man he is. But I didn't say it just for that.

"I'll marry you." His smile was enough to brighten up my days like the sun. He is wrong. I am not the sun. I am the dark sky that he brightens up. "But you can't tell your family or mine. Not until I am a little better than what I am right now. I have no cure Reyansh but I hope to be better enough to stand on the expectations our families must have from me."

He brings his hand up to my cheek, his fingers cold against my skin. "Whatever you want sweetheart. I just need to be more than a nobody to you. To take care of you, to have and hold you. If you need time to talk to our families, then that's okay. Everything is okay until you are with me."

Present

"We got married three weeks later in court. Things have been okay, mostly. Until I create ruckus in our lives. He says he loves me, and I believe him, I really do. But a part of me always thinks that he could have more if it wasn't for me. That he could have a family."

My sister gets up from her chair and wipes the tears I didn't notice had fallen. She hugs me to her chest and I go willingly.

It isn't Reyansh's hug but it's soothing too. But I wish I could hug him, kiss him, hold him close.

I brought this on myself. I don't deserve him.

🥀

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