Just Friends

47

୪𝚃𝚎𝚜𝚜୪

I never realized how lucky I was. I never appreciated it.

The more time I spend with Levi and the more I talk with him, I realize just how differently we grew up. I had a lot of things that he didn't, all of which makes me sad.

His eyes look glossy in the picture I take of him with his cake. His smile to the camera is genuine, but weak.

I didn't realize a tiny birthday party in my living room would mean so much to him. That and the cake I got for him.

I can't believe I was a little nervous to see if he'd actually like it.

He's never had a birthday cake in the first damn place. I don't know how and I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. I've decided that he won't go another birthday without a cake.

He hasn't said too much after we cut the cake and turned the tv back on to watch some regular tv. It's mostly just background noise.

I'd be worried about his silence if he wasn't smiling softly to himself while slowly eating his slice of cake. I know Levi sometimes like his silence, so I let him have it.

When I finish my cake, I excuse myself to the bathroom only to reapply the lipstick I've been dying to wear along with this dress.

I reapply it since it's obviously faded. I'm not sure if Levi is staying, but I'd like to print some more lipstick on him before he does.

He has a few marks on his cheek and some on the corner of his mouth. I absolutely love it. It's like a little signature. A part of me sort of wishes he'd just leave it.

We've been on three dates, and lately I've been catching myself missing him and thinking about him more. And we still have not decided what we are.

My mom keeps saying he's my boyfriend but I honestly have no clue if he actually is. I'd like him to be, but we literally haven't said anything about it.

I can't just decide that all on my own. But I'm scared to ask him what exactly we are. What if it's a stupid question? Or what if something goes wrong with that question?

I'm also just nervous about it in general. The kind of nervous I always seem to be around him now.

I've chosen to ignore it. Like all of the other serious conversations I should have with Levi.

It's building and it's scaring me, so I just finish my lipstick reapplication and leave the bathroom to hurry back to him.

I end up pausing in the doorway, just standing here as I watch him take care of our plates. He tucks them away into the same bag our food came in and where he put the rest of the trash.

I told him not to clean up before I went to the bathroom. I assured him I'd do it since it's his birthday.

He doesn't listen. He can't sit still, and he doesn't listen.

I can't even be that mad about it since it's not even that great of a deal. Plus, he looks pretty content as he does it. I know he doesn't mind cleaning up after himself, and more than likely prefers it.

He realizes I'm here pretty quickly. When Levi looks up at me and meets my eyes, I get nervous. My hands bunch up fistfuls of the bottom of my dress at my sides.

I don't really know what to say. It's getting later and later, but he hasn't said anything about staying yet. He has his letter bag thing with him but I don't think he has clothes in there. I think it's just his things from work.