Tales From A Teenage Henchman

No Rest For The Wicked

Sparrow, being the good person that she was, still carried some cash because she didn't like taking advantage of people's kindness. Tim, being the asshole that he was, had no problem getting freebies because fuck that. If Tim could get free burgers and chili dogs, he was damn well getting free burgers and chili dogs.

And so, that night they marched into the diner owned by a kind older man with a balding head and infectious smile. His name was Lonnie and he was quickly becoming Tim's favorite person because apparently feeding him was the fastest way into Tim's heart.

"Hey, haven't seen you two in a while," Lonnie said when they walked in.

The place was empty, which was normal for that time, but Tim knew they wouldn't be there for long anyway. It was a shame because Lonnie was genuinely fun to chat with.

"It's only been a couple of days," Sparrow pointed out.

"Too long without seeing my favorite customers." Lonnie smiled and leaned on the counter. "What can I get you tonight?"

"Two chili dogs and the strongest coffee you've got," Sparrow said. It was their usual order. "So how are things going around here? Any trouble?"

"Nah, everything's been quiet. Everyone knows better than to start anything around here." Lonnie said after passing on their order to the cook on duty that night. It was probably David. Tim like David, mostly because David didn't give a fuck about anything other than making everything deliciously greasy. "How've things been for you two?"

"Good, nothing too bad lately. I'm starting to think the city doesn't even need me," Sparrow said jokingly.

"The city would fall apart without you," Lonnie said with a laugh. "How's the newbie?" He nodded his head towards Tim.

"Well, he hasn't died so I'd say pretty good all things considered." Tim would have been more insulted if he weren't already so used to no one believing in him. As it was, he just gave Lonnie a thumbs up.

They left Lonnie's soon after, with full bellies and feeling recharged. Tim wasn't sure what was in the coffee, but he was considering kidnapping Lonnie to find out. He was sure Penny would approve.

Maybe some other time, Tim thought, because he didn't think Sparrow would approve.

Just as he was thinking of ways to get Lonnie's coffee making secrets, Sparrow got news of a robbery not far from there through her trusty police scanner app. Tim was seriously starting to wish he'd bothered to get one, but then again, he wasn't actually serious about his career as a hero.

They headed to the site right away, Tim struggling to keep pace with Sparrow. He wanted to blame Penny's fitness regime, but he was also painfully aware of how much the chili dog he'd just had was slowing him down. Still, they made it there quickly enough that the robbers were still at the scene of the crime. Which just happened to be a vitamin shop.

Tim was starting to wonder if it was a sign from God that he should get in shape.

Then he actually stepped into the shop with Sparrow and that thought left him in a second. Instead, it was replaced with the question of whether Tim should laugh or cry. Standing inside the store with bags half-filled were Penny and her lackeys. Much as they had the first time, they stood there looking like deer caught in the headlights.

"Well, this is awkward," Tim said, not really thinking before speaking. Still, it was a very accurate observation.

Sparrow dove straight towards Tim's friends, the closest of which was Carl. Poor Carl looked about ready to pass out. Tim honestly thought he might have seen his life flash before his eyes. But Carl was fortunate enough to have Penny snap out of her shock quickly enough to defend her poor henchmen. Tim watched in surprise as Sparrow was thrown back, crashing through the storefront window.