All I'm Asking

Larghetto

As the week went on the three of us fell into a comfortable routine. The boys walked me to school every morning, walked me home every afternoon, and Eddy had even convinced me to let him teach me mandarine. Although, convincing me wasn't that hard considering how difficult it is to do anything when you have no idea how to speak a country's native language. The boys even helped me with my homework. They were making it really difficult to keep my resolve.
I was ripped back into reality by a door closing harshly. My aural skills professor strode over to the podium. Aural Skills was a class that I loved in the sense that I found the concept absolutely fascinating. However, it was a class that I hated because of how the cards usually fell. I was confident that I could hide from Brett and Eddy. But I was under no delusion that I'd be able to hide myself in an academic setting. Sooner or later everyone would find out. I just needed to buy time until I can prove myself.
"Good morning class." Professor Tan insists on speaking English just to spite me. "Today we'll be performing our weekly practice examination so that I may keep up with how you're all progressing." A rustling filled the room as we all retrieved our manuscript notebooks from our backpacks. "Please put your best efforts forward as this will count as a grade."
Professor Tan calls them practice tests. But really they're just weekly quizzes in disguise. None of us are falling for it. Especially not my stress levels. My heart rate skyrockets. Aural Skills is the only subject I don't let Brett and Eddy help me with. Aural Skills is the subject that has the highest probability of giving me away. If anyone finds out, everything changes. I don't want to have to start over again. But there's no time for me to consider that now. I have to maintain all my focus on the assignment.
"First excerpt. First listen." Professor Tan played the excerpt. Step One: map out the pitches above the margines. Most of my peers ceased this practice after Aural Skills II. However, my melodic recall has made it possible for me to continue the practice. The piece was clearly in treble clef. Now how long was that last note? Is it four notes or three? I don't think it quite lasts four. But if it lasts for three beats are we in three or six? Arrrgggghhh I hate this! It can't be in three because the measures don't make sense. What am I missing?
"First excerpt. Second listen." I looked up to see Professor Tan smirking at me. I can't fail. Not after what he said in my audition. I'd decided to go with four because all the measures fit and the last note was too long to make it two. Hopefully I was somewhere near the right answer. Now I just needed to fill in some missing pitches. I ruffled my own hair in frustration. How on Earth and I going to pass this class?
Finally, I'd finished labeling all the chords. Professor Tam ended class early which put all the other students in a great mood. I, however, felt defeated. "Hey, Y/N!" I turned to see a a few of my classmates standing in a semi circle. A tall boy with circular classes gestured me over to them. Silently and hesitantly, I approached them. No one in the class had spoken a word to me since school started.
"A group of us are starting a study group. Would you like to join." The way they were looking at me made me uncomfortable. I needed to join a study group. But something about those three seemed... off.
"Thank you for inviting me. The time and place will be what determines rather or not I'll be able to participate." I clutched my books closer to my chest.
"So that's what your voice sounds like."
"Is that the only reason you called me over here?"
   The three friends looked stunned. They were undeniably professor Tan's favorite students and the rest of the class worshipped the ground they walked on. "Excuse me?"
   "Is that the only reason you called me over here?" I spoke in the same matter-of-fact tone that I'd adopted four years ago. The two girls looked at the guy in between them. They seemed to be anxious waiting to see how he would respond.
   "I guess what they say is true. Americans are very direct." He tried to laugh through his frustration at me. But I've had enough of people like him.
   "I have to go." I turned to leave. These guys were off and I refuse to waste my time with people like that again.
   "Hey! Don't walk away from me." I made it to the lobby before the guy grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Don't disrespect me like that!"
   I felt adrenaline rush through my body, my heart slam into my rib cage over and over, and ai was rendered completely speechless. He looked so angry.
   "Who do you think you are?" His posture was that of a prideful man who wasn't used to people that didn't worship the ground he walked on. He looked offended. But I also wasn't used to the culture in Singapore. What if I genuinely did offend him? I know that saving face is important here. But I don't think I said anything offensive. I didn't directly refuse to join the study group. Besides, he's the one was treating me like a joke in front of his little friends. Shouldn't I be the one whose offended?
   "We could ask you the same question mate." A familiar voice sounded in my ear as Eddy stepped in front of me, Brett close on his heels.
   "Yeah, mate." Brett was quick to join Eddy in the fray.
   "You don't understa-"
   "Why you thought it was okay to grab a woman like that? You're right I don't understand." I'd never heard Eddy sound that angry before.
   "Guys, it's fine." A wave of guilt came crashing down upon me. Look what you've done. You caused all this conflict. Not only did you hurt your classmate. You're hurting Brett and Eddy. You dragged them into a bad situation that could've been avoided if you'd just kept your mouth shut. Can you go five minutes without cause chaos? All you do is force the people around into difficult situations.
   "Nothing about what he did is fine." Brett turned to me with a sternness and a fire in his eyes I never would've expected from him. He looked like he wanted to punch the guy. My eyes grew wide and a chill raced down my spine. I didn't know how to feel about his reaction. Wow, no one's ever stood up for me like this? Is it wrong that this makes me feel... safe? Warm and fuzzy? Happy almost? Honestly, I wasn't exactly sure how I was feeling. But it felt good and that made my guilt weight even heavier.
   "Come on Y/N. Let's go." I feel Eddy glaring at the boy despite being behind him. The boys walked behind me as we left. Once we were outside I couldn't hold in my questions.
   "Why did you do that?" My voice sounded much angrier that I'd intended.
   "What?"
   "Why did you do that? You guys could've gotten hurt, Or gotten kicked off campus. I mean seriously, that was so irresponsible! What if the situation had escalated? You guys could've gotten arrested!"
   "What do you mean 'why did we do that?' Are you seriously asking us that right now?" Eddy and Brett looked baffled. "Do you honestly think that we would stand around doing nothing while some tool is grabbing you like that?"
   "You could've gotten hurt."
   "Nah, only cowardly men pick on women."
   "What if you'd gotten kicked off campus."
   "It would've been worth it." Brett locked eyes with me and I felt the intensity of his sincerity. I was once again rendered speechless. I felt my face begin to burn and quickly looked away.
   "Stop saying stuff like that!"
"Why?" Eddy looked genuinely confused. But Brett's genuine hurt is what broke my heart.
"You guys barely know me. You shouldn't be putting yourselves in these kinds of situations for me."
"Y/N we care about you and we want you to be okay. We really don't mind stepping in when you're in a potentially unsafe situation."
"You guys don't know me."
"So?"
"So you should stop."
"The only reason we don't know you is because you won't tell us anything. We want to get to know you."
"Exactly. Please respect that my past is my past. I don't owe anyone explanations."
I could tell that the boys were frustrated but so was I. Even as I stormed home I could tell that the boys were following me from a distance, making sure I get home safe. Why do they have to make this so hard? Why can't they just understand that I have my reasons? Don't they think I want to have friends? Relationships? But I can't. I can't let anyone get to close. What happened back home can never happen again. Why do they have to put so much effort in. They don't know me. If they did, they'd give me that look, and they'd run as fast and as far as possible. But no matter how hard I push, they just stay. Silently waiting for me to tell them everything. But I can't. It's only been three weeks and it's already so hard to keep things from them. Why do they have to be so... them?

After what seemed like a silent eternity, I flopped down on a bench in resistance. "You cooled off yet?" Eddy stood with his arms crossed looked down at me like a parent who just let their kid throw a tantrum to get it out of their system.
"Go away." I stared straight ahead. If I was going to push the boys away. It was going to take some serious resolve.
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"No. We're not going away."
"Did you two just give a whole sermon about respecting women?"
"Yeah. It's because we respect you that we aren't leaving you alone. Rather you want to admit it or not, you need people."
"I don't need anyone."
"You're in a foreign country with no friends or family. You need someone you can call."
"I don't need anyone."
"We weren't born yesterday. I don't know what happened back in America. I don't know who mistreated you. But something is clearly going on. So we're not leaving you alone. You can throw all the tantrums you want. But you're stuck with us."
"Yeah, we're not going anywhere." Brett sat next to me on the bench. "You don't have to tell us what happened. You're right. You really don't owe us anything. You know why? Because we care about you. We don't expect anything in return when we offer to help you. So you don't have to tell us about your past. But until you do, you're going to have to put up with us worrying about you all the time."
"How could you care about someone you don't even know?"
"I don't know. But we do. You don't have to open up to us or tell us anything. All we're asking is that you let us care about you."
"If I were to agree to this, you have to stop pulling stunts like that. Too much could go wrong."
"Sorry," Brett looked at me with humer twinkling in his eyes. "Sticking up for someone is a serious side affect of caring about someone."
I let out a deep sigh. "You two..."
"You ready to go home?"
"Actually... can we just sit here for awhile?"
"Yeah."
People walked by. Traffic sang through the streets. Everyone was caught up in the hustle and bustle. But the three of us pushed pause. We sat in comfortable silence while the world kept turning around us. What am I going to do? I gave Brett and Eddy my body weight in trouble today. But deep down, I wanted to tell them. I wanted to tell them everything. The whole story was on the tip of my tongue. But I just couldn't bring myself to speak of what happened. So we sat there until the sun began to set.