Lost In The Weather (Lusiento High Series 01)

CHAPTER 26

I busied myself in studying. I aced our research and final defense, I perfected my examination scores, I became active in recitation. . . and even have the chance to join a research conference out of our town. I busied myself so much that I lose my time on the people that sorrounds me.

After I graduated Senior High, I left Lusiento. I studied here in Manila to pursue psychology. Kaya lang, first year pa lang hindi ko na kinaya.

I’m missing all the people I left and those who left me. Araw-araw, parang ang hirap bumangon. Araw-araw, tinatamad ako sa lahat. I lost my interest. I took up psychology because it’s my dream but it feels like the sparkle and magic dust on my dream was lost.

I was diagnosed with. . . depression. Mas lalong hindi nakatulong ang lahat. The first year I’m here, my cousin Zion stayed with me. He witnessed many times how I attempted to just lose everything, including myself. He’s been my crying shoulder every time I broke down. He always hugs me and assures me of his love when times are dark and rough.

I’ve got insomnia because of my depression. Kaya kapag gabi, kulang na lang hindi matulog si Zion para bantayan ako.

Malikot ang isipan ko, I’m okay at this minute and in the next minute, I’m crying crazily asking myself where did everything starts to go wrong? I have a lot of regrets. I’m not doing good in my dream University. I’m missing my friends. I’m having a heartbreak. I lost my mother. The weather is not in favor of me! Everything feels like a downfall!

Hindi na ’ko nag-react nang bumagsak ako first sem pa lang. My father told me to just rest so, I did. Tumigil ako sa pag-aaral pero parang hindi nakatulong. I’m not busy, at mas marami akong time para mag-break down.

I took medications and some counciling. Zion was with me at those times. The therapist told me to open up to others, to try having fun. I did, pinakilala ako ni Zion sa mga kaibigan niya. They were all nice and fun to be with, ilang beses din akong nakapunta sa apartment nila which is supposedly doon nakatira si Zion pero dahil bago lang ako sa Manila at kailangan ko ng kasama sa condo unit ko, Zion chose to stay with me.

Zion has a huge circle of friends! It’s fun to be with them, they are all outgoing and socialites. Some of them are intimidating and some are friendly, I joined their outing twice and I never felt out of place because they are so good at conversing. They are sensitive of me, maybe because Zion told them I’m having a hard time facing everything.

Kaya lang, they are so loud. I prefer to stay silent, close the door and sit on a dark place. So trying to have fun with new people didn’t work out for me.

Dr. Marhea Del Fien, my psychiatrist who is also Trinity’s mother— Zion’s friend. She told me to find hobbies that will occupy my time. And I remember writing, for the first time in a long time. . . my heart swelled for excitement. I remember my young heart, how I love to do it so much!

So, I created a writing account. I hid my identity in the words of my story under the pseudonym, Luxury.

I know the name was so lame for a writer! I didn’t think about it that much when I made my writing account. Excited akong mag-log in kaya kung ano na lang naisip ko.

Luxury because my name was after a luxury brand. Channel.

Later on, I learned to love the pen name I created for myself. Luxury. It literally scream elegance, but more than that. . . it reminds me of a woman’s worth. That me, you, a woman is a luxury that should be taken care of.

I find a means to express myself, to talk about my heartaches and experiences. I find something that will freely express my thoughts with just me sitting alone in a dark room.